Accordion Thief

Description

• (Male) The scourge of mariachis and polka bands, the Accordion Thieves have plied their malign craft since time out of mind. Their Moxie serves them well in both their adventures and their interactions with "the ladies."
• (Female) The scourge of mariachis and polka bands, the Accordion Thieves have plied their malign craft since time out of mind. Their Moxie serves them well in both their adventures and their interactions with "the gentlemen."

Skills

Most Accordion Thief skills are learned from The Department of Shadowy Arts and Crafts. All Accordion Thieves begin the game with Moxie of the Mariachi and Sing. Accordion Thieves can also learn special skills from sheet music dropped by the Hobopolis bosses.

Level	Skill	Description	Effect	Type	MP Cost	Train Cost
0	Moxie of the Mariachi	By diligently practicing playing the accordion at your campsite, you can channel the Moxie of the Mariachi -- your Moxie and Maximum HP will increase for a period of time.	Mariachi Mood (+1 Moxie, +3 HP) (5 Adventures)	Non-combat	1	N/A
0	Sing	You know that thing from old commercials where somebody sings and breaks a champagne glass? This skill lets you do that, except with skulls.	Deals 2-3 damage on use, and 2-3 damage for the following two rounds.	Combat	0	N/A
1	The Moxious Madrigal	Hearing this song will fill you (or somebody else) with great Moxie.	The Moxious Madrigal (+10 Moxie) (X Adventures)	Buff	2	125 Meat
1	Dissonant Riff	You might think that accordions can only make beautiful sounds, but you're wrong -- they can make annoying sounds, too.	Damages and weakens your opponent	Combat	2	125 Meat
2	The Magical Mojomuscular Melody	This song will attune you (or somebody else) with your (or somebody else's) spirituality (hippy) and increase your (or somebody else's) Mysticality and maximum MP.	The Magical Mojomuscular Melody (+10 Mysticality and +20 MP) (X Adventures)	Buff	3	250 Meat
2	Cadenza	Combat, like music, relies on the ability to improvise. This skill lets you improvise a specialized musical combat use for any accordion you care to wield.	Unleash your accordion's unique inner strength (usable once per fight)	Combat	0	250 Meat
3	Cletus's Canticle of Celerity	Upon hearing this song, you (or somebody else) will begin to move very quickly, and with improved combat reaction times.	Cletus's Canticle of Celerity (+20% Combat Initiative) (X Adventures)	Buff	4	500 Meat
3	Crab Claw Technique	You have developed an unstoppable personalized accordion-playing technique. You say unto your foes: "Here is my accordion. Welcome to Hell."	Makes your accordion attacks significantly more accurate	Passive	N/A	500 Meat
4	The Power Ballad of the Arrowsmith	This song will fill you (or somebody else) with passionate intensity, and great Strengthliness. Your (or somebody else's) Muscle and maximum HP will be increased.	Power Ballad of the Arrowsmith (+10 Muscle and +20 HP) (X Adventures)	Buff	5	750 Meat
4	Accordion Bash	The best defense is a good offense, and the best offense is a heavy accordion.	Stun an opponent by hitting them with your accordion	Combat	5	750 Meat
5	The Polka of Plenty	This song will fill you (or somebody else) with greed, and make more Meat drop from monsters in combat.	Polka of Plenty (+50% Meat from Monsters) (X Adventures)	Buff	7	1,250 Meat
5	Accordion Appreciation	A lot of people hate accordions, and a few people tolerate them, but almost nobody truly, truly loves them like you do. And the thing about accordions is that if you love them, they love you back.	Double-strength enchantments on accordions	Passive	N/A	1,250 Meat
6	Jackasses' Symphony of Destruction	This horrible song will make whoever hears it very angry. And anger, in this case, will correspond with increased melee, ranged and spell damage.	Jackasses' Symphony of Destruction (+12 Weapon and Spell Damage) (X Adventures)	Buff	9	1,750 Meat
6	Concerto de los Muertos	Few instruments are as haunting as the accordion. Especially the haunted accordion.	Deals Spooky Damage over a few rounds (usable once per fight)	Combat	8	1,750 Meat
7	Fat Leon's Phat Loot Lyric	Upon hearing this song, the listener will be imbued with superior looting skills - monsters will drop items more frequently in combat.	Fat Leon's Phat Loot Lyric (+20% Items from Monsters) (X Adventures)	Buff	11	2,500 Meat
7	Five Finger Discount	You know what's cooler than paying a million Meat for something? Paying nine hundred and fifty thousand Meat for it.	Items in stores cost 5% less Meat	Passive	N/A	2,500 Meat
8	Brawnee's Anthem of Absorption	Upon hearing this song, you (or somebody else) will gain a strange absorbency. Monsters will do less damage to you (or somebody else) in combat.	Brawnee's Anthem of Absorption (floor(level1.2) Damage Reduction) (X Adventures)	Buff	13	3,250 Meat
8	Suspicious Gaze	The best way to avoid suspicion is to head it off at the pass by being suspicious of everybody else. That's also the best way to avoid getting jumped in a dark alley.	Suspicious Gaze (+20% Combat Initiative) (10 Adventures) Replaces other Facial Expressions.	Non-combat	10	3,250 Meat
9	The Psalm of Pointiness	And lo, unto the audience shall be conjured an aura of pointiness, and verily shalt those who attack the audience be poked as though with legion pointy objects.	Psalm of Pointiness (Delevels 1 to 5 Monster Level and causes 4-8 enemy damage when player is hit) (X Adventures)	Buff	15	4,000 Meat
9	Bawdy Refrain	Nothing makes you as popular with your friends or as unpopular with your enemies as a thorough repertoire of ribald songs.	Deal Sleaze Damage to your opponent	Combat	11	4,000 Meat
10	Stevedave's Shanty of Superiority	This song will impart upon its listener a sense of righteous indignation. This indignation will manifest as a 10% increase in all of the listener's stats.	Stevedave's Shanty of Superiority (+10% to All Attributes) (X Adventures)	Buff	30	5,000 Meat
10	Thief Among the Honorable	Y'know, you just... enjoy stealing stuff. And you're good at it!	+5% Items from Monsters +10% Meat from Monsters	Passive	N/A	5,000 Meat
11	Aloysius' Antiphon of Aptitude	This song makes it so you (or another player) learn more from your combat experiences, and gain more stats from battles.	Aloysius' Antiphon of Aptitude (+1 Strongness, +1 Enchantedness, +1 Chutzpah per fight) (X Adventures)	Buff	40	6,250 Meat
11	Sticky Fingers	It's amazing the kinds of things you can find if you constantly rifle through other peoples' stuff.	Pickpocketing also gives Meat	Passive	N/A	6,250 Meat
12	The Ode to Booze	This is the best song ever. Whoever hears this song will gain a remarkable ability to drink, and will gain more adventures from alcoholic beverages.	Ode to Booze (+1 Adventure per drunkenness gained) (X Adventures)	Buff	50	7,500 Meat
12	Cone of Zydeco	You've learned how to use an accordion to focus Zydeco into a powerful cone of force -- a Zydecone, if you will. It's especially effective against groups of enemies, because nobody hates Zydeco as much as crowds do.	Delivers a blast of Zydeco damage to your foes	Combat	15	7,500 Meat
13	The Sonata of Sneakiness	Hearing this song will imbue the listener with astounding obfuscative abilities, and make them less likely to encounter monsters while adventuring.	The Sonata of Sneakiness (Reduces Combat Frequency) (X Adventures)	Buff	20	10,000 Meat
13	Master Accordion Master Thief	You're better at stealing than you are at playing the accordion, and you are damn good at playing the accordion.	+10% Pickpocket Chance	Passive	N/A	10,000 Meat
14	Carlweather's Cantata of Confrontation	Hearing this song will increase the listener's production of anger pheromones. Monsters will be more attracted to them.	Carlweather's Cantata of Confrontation (Increases Combat Frequency) (X Adventures)	Buff	20	12,500 Meat
14	Knowing Smile	Smile, and the whole world smiles with you, because the whole world has no idea why you're smiling.	Knowing Smile (+1 Moxie Stats Per Fight) (10 Adventures) Replaces other Facial Expressions.	Non-combat	10	12,500 Meat
15	Ur-Kel's Aria of Annoyance	This song generates an aura of intense annoyingness around anyone who hears it. The aura makes monsters want to hit the possessor much, much harder.	Ur-Kel's Aria of Annoyance (+2 Monster Level per level of listener) (X Adventures)	Buff	30	15,000 Meat
15	Mariachi Memory	Your ability to have songs stuck in your head knows no bounds. Or at least slightly fewer bounds than average.	You can hold an extra Accordion Thief song in your head	Passive	N/A	15,000 Meat
Spookyraven Manor Quest Skill
N/A	Dirge of Dreadfulness	This song is depressing. Not in a melancholy, I-haven't-heard-this- since-way-back-when way, but in a soul-crushing hopelessness way. Seriously. Sad, sad song.	Dirge of Dreadfulness (+12 Spooky Damage) (+12 Damage to Spooky Spells) (X Adventures)	Buff	9	N/A
Hobopolis Skills
N/A	The Ballad of Richie Thingfinder	This song tells the story of Richie Thingfinder, the luckiest hobo in the world. Playing this for somebody is sure to rub some of that luck off onto them, making them more likely to find items and Meat.	The Ballad of Richie Thingfinder (+50% Meat from Monsters) (+20% Items from Monsters) (X Adventures)	Buff	50	N/A
N/A	Benetton's Medley of Diversity	This medley teaches an important lesson -- that monsters come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and colors, but in the big picture, they're all equally evil.	Benetton's Medley of Diversity (+15 Hot, Cold, Stench, Sleaze, and Spooky damage) (X Adventures)	Buff	50	N/A
N/A	Elron's Explosive Etude	Playing this song for somebody will fill their head with unstable magic energy, making their spells far more powerful than they would ordinarily be. And far more delicious.	Elron's Explosive Etude (+50% Spell Damage) (X Adventures)	Buff	50	N/A
N/A	Chorale of Companionship	Playing this song for somebody will depress them, but make them value their familiars more.	Chorale of Companionship (+10 to Familiar weight) (X Adventures)	Buff	50	N/A
N/A	Prelude of Precision	Playing this song for somebody will set their head a-buzzing, and steady their hands, making them more likely to get critical hits with weapons.	Prelude of Precision (+10% Critical Hit Chance) (X Adventures)	Buff	50	N/A
Sea Floor Skill
N/A	Donho's Bubbly Ballad	Why does this song make you feel so light, and so airy? I donho.	Donho's Bubbly Ballad (20% underwater penalty reduction) (X Adventures)	Buff	75	N/A
Crimbo '09 Skill
N/A	Cringle's Curative Carol	Dr. Cringle believed that music was the best medicine. Dr. Cringle also set the world record for lost malpractice suits.	Cringle's Curative Carol (Regenerate 5-10 HP per Adventure) (X Adventures)	Buff	5	N/A
The Traveling Trader Skill
N/A	Inigo's Incantation of Inspiration	This song was written by the son of a legendary swordsmith. It is said that it will inspire its listeners to great heights of craftiness.	Inigo's Incantation of Inspiration (Lets you craft things more quickly) (X Adventures)	Buff	100	N/A

Levels

The amount of Moxie required to attain level L follows the formula Moxie = L² - 2L+ 5.

Class-Specific Powers

• Pickpocket: Accordion Thieves (and Disco Bandits) can attempt to steal an item from the enemy when they get the jump in combat.
• Steal Accordion: Accordion Thieves can steal an accordion from various monsters. These stolen accordions are only usable by Accordion Thieves, and have varying enchantments, AT song buff duration, and Cadenza effects.
• Guild Store Infiltration: At level 9 or higher, Accordion Thieves who have passed their own guild's test can shop at the other two guilds' stores (The Smacketeria and Gouda's Grimoire and Grocery) by visiting those guilds. In particular, magical mystery juice is highly popular for fueling the Accordion Thief's buffs, since at levels 8 and higher MMJ is the cheapest MP restorer in the game to buy. (tonic water costs less Meat/MP, but also consumes a Nash Crosby's Still usage).
• Accordion Thieves are the only class that can equip stolen accordions or play buffs with them. Only the toy, antique, and aerogel accordions are considered to rightfully belong to the player.
• Accordion Thieves who have passed their guild's test can (always) access The Shadowy Store and, if they have learned Superhuman Cocktailcrafting, use Nash Crosby's Still.
• Accordion Thieves can make recordings of 7 of their songs with the warbear LP-ROM burner, which give 20 turns of a buff, whereas other classes can record only two songs, which are produced as singles, which give just 10 turns of a buff. Accordion Thieves also have a chance to produce a recording of Rolando's Rondo of Resisto when recording.
• Accordion Thieves can cast Sing in combat for 0 MP.
• The Mariachi Chihuahua's attack does more damage if you are an Accordion Thief.

Class Gear

• Accordion Thieves start with mariachi pants and a stolen accordion in their inventory.
• The Accordion Thief's Epic Weapon is the Rock and Roll Legend.
• The Accordion Thief's Legendary Epic Weapon is the Squeezebox of the Ages.
• The Accordion Thief's Ultimate Legendary Epic Weapon is The Trickster's Trikitixa.
• The Accordion Thief's Epic Hat is El Sombrero De Lopez.
• The Accordion Thief's Epic Pants are the Lederhosen of the Night.
• The Accordion Thief's Epic Accessory is the La Hebilla del Cinturón de Lopez.
• The Accordion Thief's Legendary Regalia is the Legendary Regalia of the Master Squeezeboxer.
• The Accordion Thief's Standard ascension rewards, by year:
  • 2024: moss marlinspike
  • 2023: chiffon chaps
  • 2022: Loofah lavalier
  • 2021: Velour vaqueros
  • 2020: paraffin pseudoaccordion
  • 2019: chalk choker
  • 2018: gabardine gloves
  • 2017: aerogel accordion
  • 2016: wicker clicker
  • 2015: polyester pulsera
• The Accordion Thief's Standard Hardcore ascension rewards, by year:
  • 2024: adobe abaya
  • 2023: ceramic cenobite's robe
  • 2022: flagstone fringe
  • 2021: Stained glass serape
  • 2020: terra cotta tambourine
  • 2019: marble mariachi hat
  • 2018: fiberglass fedora
  • 2017: wrought-iron waders
  • 2016: bakelite backpack
  • 2015: porcelain phantom mask
• The Accordion Thief's Hardcore ascension reward is the stainless steel suspenders.
• The Accordion Thief's Hardcore Oxygenarian ascension reward is the plexiglass pendant.
• The Accordion Thief's Bad Moon ascension reward is the Brimstone Beret.
• The Accordion Thief's secret from the future reward is the musty moccasins.
• The Accordion Thief's Hateful Habiliment item is the Lens of Hatred.
• The Accordion Thief's Violent Vestments item is the Jodhpurs of Violence.
• Accordion Thieves can get a left-handed melodica from the Hobo Marketplace.
• The bejeweled accordion strap, the chintzy accordion pin and the Poncho de azucar confer their enchantment bonus only to Accordion Thieves.
• The Dreadful Zombie Suit and its components confer their enchantment bonus only to Accordion Thieves.
• The Accordion Thief's Nemesis Quest familiar is the Mariachi Chihuahua.
• The Accordion Thief's level 30 trophy is the Maestro of Mariachi.

Buffs

An accordion is required to cast Accordion Thief songs. Only three accordions can be used by non-Accordion Thieves:

• toy accordion -- 5 Adventures
• antique accordion -- 10 Adventures
• aerogel accordion -- 10 Adventures

AT only accordions have a buff duration ranging from 5 to 20 turns. See Accordions for specific song durations.

• The best usable accordion in the player's inventory will be automatically selected, regardless of accordion equipped. If two accordions provide the same duration, one is randomly chosen.
• Normally, a character may only have up to three Accordion Thief songs active at the same time. For ways to increase this limit, see Extra Songs.
• Some Accordion Thief songs may only be cast a certain numbers of times per day. All of these songs can be recorded by an Accordion Thief (after a certain sidequest), and subsequently traded.
  • Each Hobopolis song can be cast up to 10 times per day. These buffs also require that the target (not necessarily the caster) be level 15 or higher.
  • Donho's Bubbly Ballad can be cast up to 50 times per day.
  • Inigo's Incantation of Inspiration can be cast up to 5 times per day.

History

• All Accordion Thieves (and Disco Bandits) started with the skill Moxious Maneuver before it was removed from the game on May 22, 2013.
• Accordion Thieves were the third class to be revamped on October 31, 2013, a few days after the Wandering Accordionists showed up. Accordion Thieves received 15 new skills (including skills that aren't buffs) and were given the ability to steal accordions from various monsters in the kingdom. At the same time, most accordions became only usable to play songs by Accordion Thieves. See Accordion Thief/Old for an archive of the skills prior to the change.

References

• Polka and Zydeco are folk musical styles that typically incorporate accordions. Mariachi is a similar folk musical style, but which typically does not use accordions.
• "Squeezebox" and "button box" are slang names for the accordion. A concertina is a similar button-operated bellows reed instrument. A hurdy gurdy is a button-operated violin, which contains strings instead of reeds. A trikitixa is a Basque accordion (which is, oddly enough, named after the sound made by its usual accompaniment, a tambourine).
• The large amount of titles with prefixes before you reach Accordion Thief (10-15) refers to Dungeons & Dragons (1st Edition), and the tendency to have large prefixed level titles for almost all classes.

Classes
Seal Clubber	Turtle Tamer	Pastamancer	Sauceror	Disco Bandit	Accordion Thief