Anapest combat

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When combat occurs in The Suburbs of Dis
The messages rhyme, and they're metered like this.
When fighting elsewhere, there's one thing you can do,
Just the Best Anapests brings the rhymes out to you!


Losing Initiative

You thought you were fast, but your foe's a bit faster.
Let's hope this won't turn out to be a disaster.
You weren't quick enough -- your foe gets the jump,
and prepares to convert you to jelly and lumps.

Gaining Initiative

Who got the jump? Oh please, who, tell me, who?
It wasn't your foe, so it must have been you!
You leap into combat, as quick as a wink,
attacking the monster before he can blink!
Your foe is so slow! So slow is your foe!
Much slower than you, who are ready to go!

Player Messages


Successfully Pickpocketing an item

You gaffler! Pick-pocket! Sneaker and snaker!
You crept up behind them and took like a taker!
You sneak up to your foe and take a look in their pocket,
then give them a reason, someday, to restock it.

Failing to Pickpocket an item

Please don't accuse me of wounding your pride,
but nothing much came of that thing that you tried.

Weapon Attacks

Successful Attack

You pull out your weapon and swing at your foe,
and cause a measly X damage with a light, glancing blow.
You swing at the foe with your sword (or whatever),
and deal X damage in this violent endeavor.
You leap at your foe in a violent blitz,
and cut off XX hit points worth of bits.
You swing with your weapon; your foe takes the hit!
XX points damage must sting quite a bit!
You do XXX points, and hit your foe in the belly,
making it splash like a bag full of jelly.
Your enemy comes off as kind of a klutz,
with XXX points worth of steel in their guts.
You hack at your foe XXXX times more.
They'll need a broom to get all of the bits off the floor.
Your weapon removes XXXX HP
from your foe in a violent murdering spree.
Your foe takes some damage; it looks a bit painful.
Perhaps that will teach it to be so disdainful.
You ready your weapon, and lunge to attack,
wounding your foe with a chop and a hack.
You leap at your foe with a shout, and you hit!
I don't think it enjoyed that, not one little bit.
You strike your foe hard with a thing made for fighting --
who knew that violence could be this exciting?


A cottony puff from a Cotton-Puff Peppin
would cause as much harm as you just did with your weapon.
I don't wish to discourage, not one little bit,
but that attack you just made doesn't seem to have hit.
You perform a most fearsome attack at your foe,
but did it connect? I'm sorry, but no.

Critical hits

With prowess to spare and an eye analytical
You deal out a critical hit that is Critical!
You jump at the monster, and slip past its guard!
You swing at it fiercely, and hit it QUITE HARD!
The Vorkers who Vork in the Vasty Voovusvid
Have never hit anything hard as you just did!
One hit! Two hits! RED HITS! You hit!


You fumble your weapon -- it lands on your bung!
It hurts worse than the sting of a bee that has stung!
Your weapon falls down to the floor 'midst the clutter,
What's wrong with you? Are your hands coated in butter?
You take out your weapon . . . wait, where did it go?
In answer, it lands with a CRUNCH on your toe.
You lose hold of your weapon; it falls to the ground.
The monster laughs cruelly, a terrible sound.
Your weapon falls onto the floor with a clatter,
making the fight a more difficult matter.

Receiving Damage

The pain of X damage puts a crease on your brow
and the Word of the Day has turned out to be 'Ow'.
You took X points of hurt, which could have been worse.
You probably don't need to look for a nurse.
I don't want to shock you with depictions of gore,
but you just dripped X points worth of blood on the floor.
You took XX damage -- not just to your pride,
but also to what keeps your insides inside.
The violent impact shakes your skull with a thud,
and you lose XX points worth of valuable blood.
The pain of the blow's like a punch to the guts
and you take XX damage -- no ifs, ands or buts.
You got hurt quite a lot! XXX full HP!
The sight of your guts isn't pleasant to see!
XXX points of health have been cut from your hide --
it's safe to say more has been hurt than your pride.
It seems that you've lost XXX points of health.
I hope you've been saving, so you'll still have your wealth.
The way that you're leaking your various juices,
I'd say that few things are as cooked as your goose is.
I couldn't quite tell how much damage you took;
it seemed pretty brutal, so I didn't look.
You don't look so hot -- I might say I've seen worse,
but instead of a cab, they should call you a hearse.

Skill Messages

Unsuccessfully Using a Skill

Please don't accuse me of wounding your pride,
but nothing much came of that thing that you tried.
Well now, my friend -- that skill that you tried?
If I told you that it couldn't fail... I lied.

Dealing Damage via a Skill

You demonstrate a slick combat maneuver
that's effective as a X hit point remover.
Your show off your learning of things that you've learned.
X damage? Not much, but no amount can be spurned.
A trick kept up your metaphorical sleeve
takes XX hit points from your enemy, Steve.
You bust out a move that is sure to impress,
and your foe suffers XX points worth of distress.
You show off some things that you've learned about fighting --
XXX points of damage is pretty exciting!
Your skill just did XXX damage! Oh yes!
If only your teachers could see your prowess.
You roll up a sleeve, prepare a skill for the skilling,
and do so much damage, it's hopefully killing.

Dealing Damage via a Spell

Shout "Alakazam!" and "Abracadabra!"
Your spell did X damage, so how does that grab ya?
I don't know, man -- this monster looks tough.
Do you think that X damage from spells is enough?
You summon up power until the earth shakes,
and XX HP's how much damage he takes.
XXX damage from mystical spells
explodes quite a few of your enemy's cells.
Determined to prove to this foe who's the boss,
you cause XXX damage with pasta (or sauce).
Raising your hands, you call, not meteor showers,
but equally-damaging, if much weirder, powers.
The magic you launched at your foe overflowed,
and made some of hiss internal organs explode.

Using Entangling Noodles

You waggle your fingers and cast some sort of spell.
I think that it worked, but what it did, I can't tell.

Jiggling a Chefstaff

You hold up your staff and you give it a shake!
Some magic things happen, but just what is... opaque.

Casting Summon Mayfly Swarm

You summon a small swarm of mayflies, with bait,
They do something obscure that is probably great.
Some mayflies respond to your summoning call,
and do something -- but what? You can't tell that at all.

Other Successful Skill Usage

You use a skill -- it isn't a damaging one,
but skills don't have to cause pain to be fun.

Summoning Pasta Guardians

  • Undead elbow macaroni
With a mystical gesture and thunderous bellow,
you summon a friendly pastacular fellow.

Combat Items

Dealing Damage via Combat Items

You hurl a thing that you took from your pack,
and deal X points with a thingly attack.
Your foe squints at a thing you hold up to hiss eyes,
and takes XX points from a poky surprise.
You fling a thing with your flinger; it flies at your foe!
XXX damage results from the blow!
You caused so much pain with that thing from your pack,
that even you winced at the sound of the smack!

Other Combat Item Usage

You used a thing from your bag, and something happened, I guess!
I can't give you much detail, I must confess.
Activating an item caused something to happen!
What? I don't know. I guess you caught me napping.

HP Gain

You've got X more hit points than you had before!
Now go out and fight and get off of the floor!
You heal X points worth of your cuts and abrasions,
You earned on a number of violent occasions.
You heal X hit points, which may not be a lot,
But let's face it, right now, it's the best that you've got.
You've gained XX hitpoints, and feel a lot better.
Go out there and get 'em, you going go-getter!
You've been beat up and beat down and beat sideways, too,
But you heal XX hitpoints, and you feel less blue.
You were starting to feel a bit down in the dumps,
but those XX HP should help clear up the lumps.
With XXX hitpoints added onto your score,
you're raring to go and you're ready for more!
You apply a fresh bandage to stop blood from spurting,
and regenerate XXX points worth of hurting.
You heal a few damage -- not much, I'll admit,
but the hitpoints you've added will help you a bit.
You healed some HP and you feel right as rain --
are you ready to go back and lose it again?

MP Gain

You've just gotten X of your MP restored!
Now you can show all those creeps what you've learned!
Magical energy floods into your veins!
Not a whole lot -- X points -- but it's good for your brains.
You regain XX MP of mystical fuel,
and prepare to escort some more monsters to school.
Your MP's restored, it's now XX points higher.
Now you can set some more monsters on fire!
XXX MP should add spring to your step,
and lift up your spirits with gusto and pep!
Your MP just went up by XXX quarts!
(I'm not sure how you measure amounts of this sort.)
A bunch of MP surges into your bowels
with mystical whooping and hooting and howls.

MP Loss

Running Away or Banishing


With wings on your heels, you run and take flight,
escaping the monster and leaving the fight.


There's no relaxing for you yet today
you tried to escape, but did not get away.

Familiar Messages

Stat Point Increasing

A grin from your pet makes you feel more than thrilled,
Because it implies that you're getting more skilled.
A smile from your buddy, your heart fills with joy,
You're getting experience, so don't be coy!
Your pet smiles quite broadly, as if to say,
"Congrats! You have learned something useful today."
Your pet indicates, with a grin of its grinner,
that it thinks you to be quite a winningful winner.
Your pet gives a smile (even if it lacks lips),
And it gives you a cheer with a couple Hip, Hips!

Meat Drop Increasing

Your pet indicates, with a wink of its eye,
that there might be more meat to find here, if you try.
Your pet gives a nod and one-half of a blink --
a gesture more commonly known as a 'wink'.
Your buddy winks at you, not trying to be fresh,
Just showing you where to find currency-flesh.
Your familiar nods sagely and tips you a wink,
and helps you find meat just as quick as you blink.

Item Drop Increasing

Your pet does a tango, a jig, and a waltz,
to help you get profit from recent assaults.
With a twist and a twirl, a flitter and flutter,
your pet dances brightly, a fly made of butter.
Your buddy does dances, it spins and it twirls!
It finds extra riches for good boys and girls!
A shimmy, a swirl, a twist, and a hop,
your familiar does dances to make items drop.
Your familiar spins 'round and it cuts up the rug,
doing a quick miniature jitterbug.


Your familiar makes the foe weaker somehow,
so you give it a pat, and it gives you a bow.
Your familiar does something to make the foe weak,
which should help with the havoc that you want to wreak.


Your familiar grabs hold of the monster -- holds tight,
which keeps it from taking its turn in this fight.
Your familiar entangles the monster with vines
(or tentacles, webbing, or noodles, or spines).
Your familiar grabs hold, restraining your foe,
and doesn't appear to want to let go.
Your pet grabs a foe in a wrestling lock,
holding him still so you can clean his clock.
Can the monster attack you this round? Nope, nope nope!
That's because of your buddy, that cute little dope.


From violence, familiars will rarely abstain,
Yours leaps into the fight, dealing X points of pain.
"Go beat up our foes, little friend! Do it quickly!"
So your friend beats on him, doing X damage, slickly.
Your friend shouts "Wahoo!" and leaps into the fight!
It does X points of damage, not great, but all right!
Your little friend's limber and loose in the joints,
It leaps on your foe and hits him for X points!
Like the Boofers that live on the Isle of Buprate,
Your little friend does XX damage! That's great!
Your familiar hits hard as the Snoofle-snuff-snub!
He can do XX damage, and that ain't bad, bub!
Your familiar leaps into the fray with a shout
It does XX damage and makes your foe pout!
Like the Grumbery birds on the Isle of Berblatt,
Your familiar hits XXX times, just like that!
Your buddy beats on him XXX times,
This next part says nothing at all! It just rhymes!
Well wazzle-dee-hoo and hip-hip hooray!
Your familiar did XXX damage today!
Your pet takes a bite that inflicts quite a mark,
and does XXX damage just like a big shark!
Your buddy shreds him like a box full of tissues!
Perhaps it has got some untreated rage issues?
Your familiar jumps forward; the monster is caught!
The damage your little friend does? Quite a lot!
As your pet chews its leg, your foe looks distraught.
Perhaps you should feed it more often. ...Or not.


Your familiar did something to help in your plight,
but you were distracted, with monsters to fight.
Your pet did a thing; I don't know what it did.
Perhaps it went skiing, or huggled a squid?
Your pet did a thing; I didn't see it, did you?
I guess it just did what they usually do.
Your familiar did something, just what I'm not sure.
Did it pick you a flower, or spit on the floor?
Your pet did a thing that might just save the day,
I'm afraid you were looking the opposite way.

Leveling Up

Your pet gains a pound! Watch it leap up and flex!
Its body can cash all its ego-writ checks!
Your pet gains a pound! But don't fret; it can hustle!
It's putting on weight, but it's surely all muscle.
Your pet just got heavier, fatter and fitter!
It certainly wasn't the runt of the litter!
You looked over beside you, and guess what you found!
It seems your familiar has just gained a pound!
Your cute little pet seems a little less little --
It seems that it's put on some weight (just a tittle).
Looks like your familiar has put on some weight!
Its abilities now will be even more great!

Enemy messages

Introduction Text

A monster approaches, and doesn't look pleasant.
I doubt that he's looking to give you a present.
A monster attacks! Not a Long-Toothed Bazooter,
but something that, frankly, isn't all that much cuter.
A monster jumps out of some nebulous place,
and makes an attempt at removing your face!
A terrible monster escaped from the zoo!
It's ugly and mean and it's coming for you!
Another opponent steps into the light!
I hope that you're ready, because: Round 1 -- Fight!

Entering Combat

Miss Messages

The monster jumps at you, but you're quick on your feet,
and escape with no harm to your personal meat.
The enemy's quick to attack, but you're quicker,
and as you dodge past him, you chortle and snicker.
The enemy makes an attack, but you block it.
Parrying's handy -- 'til you've tried it, don't knock it.
The enemy leaps to attack you, but misses,
and angrily pouting, glares at you and hisses.
Your foe thinks your teeth would look better dislodged,
but as he attacks you, you (get out of) dodge.
Your foe thinks he's going to show you what for,
but the place he attacks -- you aren't there any more.

Special Attacks

Sad.gif The monster does something that wasn't expected;
I can't say exactly how you've been affected.
A long pointy icicle fell from the sky.
(You saw it before it impaled your eye.)

Dealing Passive or Counter-Attack Damage

Enemy Is Stunned

The monster seems stunned (or confused, or entangled)
because of the skills you've so skillfully wrangled.

End of Combat

Losing the Fight

You lost the fight -- it seems like a terrible crime,
but don't worry, buddy, you'll do better next time.

Fight ends

The fight has ended.
Not victory, not defeat,
just intense boredom.

Seasons change swiftly.
Well, swiftly compared to you.
Next time, fight faster.

Winning the Fight

Happy.gif The beast falls to the ground, 'cause you've taught it a lesson!
It won't feel good in the morning, I'm guessin'.
Happy.gif The monster explodes in a shower of gore!
(Not really, he just kind of falls on the floor.)
Happy.gif That monster, at first, seemed to be pretty tough,
but however much damage you did, it's enough.
Happy.gif With tail between legs, the beast flees from the fight!
You defeated your foe and have proven your might!
Happy.gif Your foe lies defeated by your beatings and grapples,
and you ask him "So, whadda think of them apples?"

Gaining Substats

Muscle Substats

Strboost.gif Your strengthliness went up by X points! Hooray!
Now find something else to beat up on today.
Strboost.gif With those X extra substats of strength that you found,
it won't be much longer 'till muscles abound!
Strboost.gif Your muscles swell up, about XX points worth,
making them slightly more robust in girth.
Strboost.gif With XX additional muscle substats,
you'll soon give what-for to these villainous prats.
Strboost.gif Your strengthliness increases XXX times
from exacting revenge for that foe's heinous crimes.
Strboost.gif With XXX points added onto your muscle,
you'll soon show these monsters the meaning of "tussle".
Strboost.gif The bullies won't kick sand in your face any longer,
once they find out you're XXXX points stronger!

Gaining a Muscle Point

Strboost.gif Your muscles are musclier than ever before!
How much do you bench, dude? Now it's one more!

Gaining Mysticality substats:

Snowflakes.gif You've got X points more brains than a moment ago!
In the words of the immortal poet: like, woah.
Snowflakes.gif X points of knowledge drip into your head.
It tickles, like when you eat paint made of lead.
Snowflakes.gif Your brain just got XX points larger and crinklier!
(Not everything slows down as it becomes wrinklier.)
Snowflakes.gif You've realized XX new realizations,
attuning you further to mystic vibrations.
Snowflakes.gif You've gained XXX new points of magical skill!
This occult education continues to thrill!
Snowflakes.gif XXX points of magic flow into your cells!
Soon you'll be spellcasting much spellier spells!

Gaining a Mysticality Point

Snowflakes.gif You're a whiz of a wizard! Your brain just got brainier!
All of your sweet arcane knowledge -- arcanier!
Snowflakes.gif Your third eye's wide open, a mystical locus,
You're feeling a boost in your hocus and pocus!

Gaining Moxie Substats

Wink.gif You've gained X points more chutzpah! You're quick as a snake!
A dashing, and charming, and debonair rake!
Wink.gif You're X points more sneaky than you were before!
Are you already planning your next big-league score?
Wink.gif You've learned a few tricks -- now you're XX points trickier!
(And now situations get XX points stickier.)
Wink.gif Your roguishness increased by leaps and by bounds!
Well, just XX points, but the interest compounds.
Wink.gif You're a thief in the shadows, a ninja at night!
You're XXX moxiousness slyer, all right!
Wink.gif You're XXX points more sarcastic! That's great!
No, really! It's super! I'm telling it straight!
Wink.gif You're slick as a snake and as quiet as mice!
XXXX points moreso now, to be precise.
Wink.gif XXXX points earned toward some new moxie
is making you feel increasingly foxy.

Gaining a Moxie Point

Wink.gif Your moxie went up a whole point on this day!
In the words of the coolest of cool, I say, "Ayyyyy."
Wink.gif Your moxie went up! Now you're slicker and faster!
At charming the ladies (or dudes), you're a master!

Leveling Up

The tootlers tootle! The singers all sing!
You've accomplished a wonderful, glorious thing!
Come raise a glass high, and come join in the revel!
We're all celebrating! You went up a level!

Overkilling Hobos in Hobopolis Town Square

Getting Meat

Meat.gif You found XX meat -- not a massive amount,
but each little bit helps to pad your account.
Meat.gif If XXX meat makes you smile with greed,
well, that's how much you found, so feel free to proceed.
Meat.gif If you'd like to go shopping, go ahead, because you're
XXX meat richer than you were before.
Meat.gif That's XXX meat! Now how will you spend it?
On candy? Or liquor? Or a blender to blend it?
Meat.gif Here's XXXX more meat for your purse.
Have you got any debts that you should reimburse?
Meat.gif You've just earned yourself XXXX more meat!
When you spend it, remember to get a receipt.
Meat.gif You found so much meat, your grin's wider than wide!
Like a smiler with smiles all smiling inside!
Meat.gif Just look at this meat -- there's too much to count!
How will you spend such a crazy amount?
Meat.gif You found XXX meat worth of meat, so there's that.
Perhaps you could purchase a new party hat.

Item Drops

You'd discovered a X! What a wonderful thing!
Just think of the happiness that it will bring!
Hey, what is that? A X on the ground?
I guess it was lost, but now it's been found!
You rescue an X from the local street-sweepers.
It's not really yours, but well, hey, finders keepers!
It looks like you've found a new XX -- that's great!
I expect you won't mind the additional weight.
A XX! You found it right here on the floor!
Keep adventuring, maybe you'll find a few more!
This XX you found is the real McCoy!
The discovery makes you all smiley with joy!
It looks like you've found a new XXX--that's great!
I expect you won't mind the additional weight.
You find a XXX; it goes in your pack.
Someday, it might help you to lay down the smack.
Hey, look! A XXX! You've discovered some loot!
The crowd shouts "Hurrah!" and the trumpets go "Toot!"
You added an XXX to your collection!
No booty will escape your careful inspection!
What good is a XXXX? What's it for?
Oh well, that question never stopped you before.
A XXXX! It goes in your bag,
with all of the rest of your ludicrous swag.
A XXXX -- do you take it, or leave it?
Just kidding! Leave treasure? I can hardly conceive it.
You found a XXXX -- what an odd thing to find!
Best pick it up before you change your mind.
This XXXX is obviously yours --
you can tell by the way it's not nailed to the floor.
You found a new item! Can you guess what it is?
(A XXXX is the key to this quiz.)
You trip on a XXXXX that's here.
Best pick it up fast, or it might disappear.
You find a new thing; it goes into your pack
with the rest of the various weird bric-a-brac.
You discover an item that someone forgot,
throw it into your pack and take off like a shot.
You picked up a thing that you found on the floor.
Your pack is quite full, but there's room for one more.
You found a thing, but I don't quite know what it is.
A trumpet to trumple? A whizzer to whizz?
You picked up an item and stashed it away,
assuming that it will be handy some day.
You notice an item with eagle-like eyes,
and jump to get dibs on this shiny new prize.

Gaining HP or MP

That fight was intense, so you stop for a breather,
and wonder what's next? (I guess I don't know either.)

Cold-Blooded Warm Fuzzies



You can't quite decide what to do with this bum,
so you take a few moments to twiddle your thumbs.
You twiddle your thumbs, you twiddle your toes.
You twiddle your liver and tonsils and nose.

Gaining an Effect (Other than via a Disco Combo)

Some kind of effect's been applied! What a buzz!
Better click on the icon and see what it does.

Item Stolen by Dolphin (Underwater)

An item does drop,
But the water slows you down,
A dolphin takes it.


When you see XXX in the rhymes on this page,
know each X is a syllable, earning its wage.
With plurals of things the rhyme's not particular;
Many items will drop, but the diction stays singular.


Wikipedia has all the news you can use
about anapests, flues, and the St. Louis Blues.
  • One of the critical hit messages is a reference to the Dr.Seuss book One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish.
Combat messages - edit
Haiku combat | Anapest combat | Deep Machine combat | Player Hit Messages