Asdon Martin

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Your Asdon Martin can be found in Your Workshed after using a Asdon Martin keyfob.

Asdongarage.gif Your Asdon Martin is parked in your workshed and the fuel gauge reads X litres of fuel.

Activate Fuel Convertor
This machine has a gas-pump-style hose, a display showing how much fuel your Asdon Martin has remaining, and a funnel. Apparently it converts food and booze into gasoline. Or bio-ethanol, or whatever it would be called. Turns out your car is way less picky about what it drinks than you are.
The fuel gauge currently reads: X
  • Converting food:
You stuff the <food> down the funnel, and the machine makes BZONK CHONK CHONK CHONK ZZZZZZRP gurgle GWOOOSSSH beedle-deedle-boop PLOINK! noises as it converts the food into fuel and pumps it into the Asdon Martin. The display updates with a pleep!
  • Converting booze:
You pour the <booze> into the funnel on the fuel converter, and it makes a GLURGLE-URGLE-URGLE pchank-kachank FWIZZZZZZZ GWOOOSSSH beedle-deedle-boop PLOINK! sound as the booze is converted to fuel and pumped into the Asdon Martin. The display updates with a pleep!
  • You can start driving nine different ways, each taking 37 fuel to give 30 turns of an effect. You can drive:
  • Obnoxiously
You turn on "Obnoxious Driving Mode" and with a BOING GOING GOING several signs on springs pop out of the Asdon Martin. They say things like "Hey Look At Me" and "How's My Driving? Call 1-800-GET BENT"
Wackydriving.gifYou acquire an effect: Driving Obnoxiously
(duration: 30 Adventures)
  • Stealthily
The Asdon Martin goes bwommmmmmmm and shimmers into near-invisibility as you turn on the optical camouflage. Finding the door is going to be tricky.
Stealthdriving.gifYou acquire an effect: Driving Stealthily
(duration: 30 Adventures)
  • Wastefully
You turn on the settings for "oil slicks", "more oil slicks", and "constantly just dripping oil". You start to hear a steady glip blip glip sound.
Gascan.gifYou acquire an effect: Driving Wastefully
(duration: 30 Adventures)
  • Safely
You push a button for armored body panels. Robot arms VWOMMM down from the ceiling and apply metal plating to the car with loud ZWOOSH KLANG BLANG BLONG BZZZRT sounds.
Yieldsign item.gifYou acquire an effect: Driving Safely
(duration: 30 Adventures)
  • Recklessly
You activate on the Asdon Martin's sirens (they sound like "FWOOP FWOOOOOOOOP!") and set the autopilot for a lot of weaving in and out of traffic and cutting people off. This is definitely going to incite some road rage.
Reckless.gifYou acquire an effect: Driving Recklessly
(duration: 30 Adventures)
  • Intimidatingly
You turn on Intimidation Mode, and FWAK SCHLATAK a bunch of rusty spikes sprout from the Asdon Martin's bumpers. This is followed by a zweeeeee GABLOOOSH as a robot arm dumps a bucket of pig blood all over it.
Aggrodriving.gifYou acquire an effect: Driving Intimidatingly
(duration: 30 Adventures)
  • Quickly
You push a button marked "Turbo Jets" and rocket boosters VWEEEEEP kaCLANK out of the back of the Asdon Martin. Underneath them a little blue pilot light flicks on with a fwish.
Fastdriving.gifYou acquire an effect: Driving Quickly
(duration: 30 Adventures)
  • Observantly
When you turn on Observation Mode, the Asdon Martin's headlights brighten tenfold with a loud VWAZASH and a pling pling pling-ing radar dish pops out of the roof.
Obsdriving.gifYou acquire an effect: Driving Observantly
(duration: 30 Adventures)
  • Waterproofly
When you turn on "Underwater Mode", a snorkel mouthpiece gabloinks out of the Asdon Martin's steering wheel, followed by a sound like zweeeeeeeeeeeee-KRUNCH as a long pipe telescopes out of the hood of the car and smashes through the roof of your workshed.
Nowater.gifYou acquire an effect: Driving Waterproofly
(duration: 30 Adventures)


  • You can convert food and booze in your inventory to fuel.
  • The amount of fuel given is approximately equal to the number of adventures the consumable would have given.
  • The fuel converter will not accept items that can be purchased directly from NPC stores, items that can not be traded, and items with a no-discard flag.
  • The converter will, however, accept items crafted from items that can be purchased directly from NPC stores. A good choice is loaf of soda breads, cooked from bottles of soda water (purchased at The General Store) and wads of dough (purchased at any of the the Kingdom's bakeries).
  • Fuel level is reset to zero when ascending. Fuel level is not reset when swapping workshed appliances.
  • Driving effects are mutually exclusive. You may extend or deactivate your current driving effect from the workshed interface.
  • Driving effects continue after swapping to a new shed item, but fuel based skills cannot be used until it is reinstalled.
  • Table of effects:
Wackydriving.gif Driving Obnoxiously (30 Adventures)
Monsters will be much more attracted to you
Stealthdriving.gif Driving Stealthily (30 Adventures)
Monsters will be much less attracted to you
Gascan.gif Driving Wastefully (30 Adventures)

(Reduces pressure on Oil Peak)

Yieldsign item.gif Driving Safely (30 Adventures)
Damage Absorption +50
Damage Reduction: 10
Slight Hot Resistance (+1)
Slight Cold Resistance (+1)
Slight Stench Resistance (+1)
Slight Spooky Resistance (+1)
Slight Sleaze Resistance (+1)
Reckless.gif Driving Recklessly (30 Adventures)
+25 to Monster Level
Aggrodriving.gif Driving Intimidatingly (30 Adventures)
-25 to Monster Level
Fastdriving.gif Driving Quickly (30 Adventures)
+50% Combat Initiative
Obsdriving.gif Driving Observantly (30 Adventures)
+50% Meat from Monsters
+50% Item Drops from Monsters
+50% Booze Drops from Monsters
Nowater.gif Driving Waterproofly (30 Adventures)
Lets you breathe underwater
Makes you a better diver
Your familiar can breathe underwater
  • A properly fueled Asdon Martin provides three skills in combat:
Skill Cost Effect
Asdon Martin: Bean Bag Cannon 10 Fuel Damages and staggers an enemy
Asdon Martin: Spring-Loaded Front Bumper 50 Fuel Banishes an enemy for 30 turns. Has a 30 turn cooldown.
Asdon Martin: Missile Launcher 100 Fuel Annihilate an enemy and collect all of its items. Usable once per day. Does not consume a turn.


  • Refers to the Aston Martin DB5, James Bond's iconic vehicle.
  • As confirmed in the July 6, 2017 radio show, the Asdon Martin also refers to Mad magazine cartoonist Don Martin, whose enthusiastic use of onomatopoeia is evident in the writing surrounding this item.