Bailey's Beetle

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Bailey's Beetle
Monster ID 576
Locations The Battlefield (Frat Warrior Fatigues)
Hit Points 210
Attack 195
Defense 175
No-Hit 205
Initiative 70
Meat None
Phylum hippy
Elements stench
Resistance None
Monster Parts door, driver, hood, tire
battered hubcap, bullet-proof corduroys, communications windchimes, floorboard cruft, reinforced beaded headband, round purple sunglasses, green clay bead
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
Bailey's Beetle You're fighting Bailey's Beetle

Looks like the soldiers in the Army of One Love finally learned how to drive, and have formed the First Hippy Automated Mobile Division, known unofficialy as "Bailey's Beetles" because that's much easier to say.

Anyway. This is a hippy soldier driving a compact foreign car, and from the rank french-fry smell of the exhaust, you can only assume that it's been altered to run on biodiesel.

Hit Message(s):

You choke and gag as the hippy revs the engine, creating huge clouds of choking greasy exhaust. Ouch! Eek! (stench damage)

The hippy peels out away from you, kicking up a big rock that hits you in the <elbow>. Ugh! Eek!

The hippy tries to back over you, and stalls out. You try to defiantly kick his bumper, but end up burning your foot on the tailpipe. Ow! Argh! (hot damage)

It runs over your <solar plexus>, and then backs over your <throat>. Ugh! Argh!

Critical Hit Message:

The hippy drives through a mud puddle, splashing you with filthy water, then peels out, does a bootlegger's turn, and runs over you six or seven times. Ow! Ow! Eek!

Miss Message(s):

The beetle backfires and a french fry falls out of the tailpipe. I'm pretty sure you're supposed to strain the biodiesel before you use it.

The hippy floors the accelerator, breaking the baling wire that was holding the floorboards together, thereby executing an accidental Flintstones-style stop.

It plows toward you at about 2 miles per hour. You hear the driver murmur "Wow, man. I'm going, like, so fast, man." as you step out of the way.

Fumble Message:

The car sputters, stutters, and stalls. The hippy climbs out and looks under the hood (or "bonnet") and seems surprised to find there's no engine! "Wow, man," he says, "how does this thing run?" (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Bhubcap.gifYou acquire an item: battered hubcap (Approx. 27.05% chance)*
Bpcords.gifYou acquire an item: bullet-proof corduroys (Approx. 4.43% chance)*
Chimes.gifYou acquire an item: communications windchimes (Approx. 11.80% chance)*
Cruft.gifYou acquire an item: floorboard cruft (At least 30.49% chance)*
Rankbead3.gifYou acquire an item: green clay bead (At least 30.49% chance)*
Warheadband.gifYou acquire an item: reinforced beaded headband (Approx 0.98% chance)*
Roundglasses.gifYou acquire an item: round purple sunglasses (Approx 2.46% chance)*
You gain 48-49 <substat>.

Occurs at The Battlefield (Frat Warrior Fatigues).



  • Beetle Bailey is a newspaper comic strip about a very lazy soldier.
  • The fumble message where the hippy opens the hood refers to the fact that the classic Volkswagen Beetle had its engine in the rear and storage space in the front.
  • The classic air-cooled Volkswagens, primarily the Beetle and the Microbus, were very popular with hippies because they were cheap and would run practically forever.