Beyond Any Measure
You follow the sacred river Alph down into a series of caverns that, try as you might, you can't seem to get the measure of. They could be the size of a football field or a postage stamp -- down there in the darkness, it's impossible to tell. You're sure, though, that the ceiling is at least six or seven miles above your head. Or, on second thought, maybe it's bisecting your neck. Again, not so easy to tell. You pause to get your bearings.
| Explore some side-tunnels |
- Without Rat-Faced
There are some tunnels leading off of the main caverns which appear to be far more measurable than the one you're in. You pick one at random and head off down it.
Speaking of "head off," after a few paces a stalactite nearly takes yours. You stop and cautiously feel around in front of you in the pitch black. You should probably have taken a torch or a match with you, although Kubla Khan regularly sets out traps for the local Grues. Anyway, as you walk forward, the tunnel gets smaller and smaller.Soon the tunnels are so small that you feel trapped -- trapped like a rat! Only there's nothing remotely ratlike about you, so it really freaks you out. You turn around and run blindly back into the immeasurably vast (or perhaps immeasurably small) caverns you came from.
- With Rat-Faced
There are some tunnels leading off of the main caverns which appear to be far more measurable than the one you're in. You pick one at random and head off down it.
Speaking of "head off," after a few paces a stalactite nearly takes yours. You stop and cautiously feel around in front of you in the pitch black. You should probably have taken a torch or a match with you, although Kubla Khan regularly sets out traps for the local Grues. Anyway, as you walk forward, the tunnel gets smaller and smaller.Your rat senses kick in as the space get smaller, keeping you from feeling claustrophobic (while giving you an overwhelming desire to perch on Crispin Glover's shoulder). As you skitter down the tunnel, you start to be able to make out the stalactites and stalagmites in the gloom. You can even see some graffiti that the other rats who live in these caverns wrote. You wonder briefly what separates the West Cavern Rats from the South Side Rats, and how one can work a can of spraypaint without thumbs. By the time you're ready to leave, your night vision is so good that you could find a black cat during a power outage at a goth club.
 | You acquire an effect: Night Vision (duration: 5 Adventures) |
| Investigate a nearby squeaky noise |
- Without Bats in the Belfry
You follow a faint squeaking, rustling sound that's coming from one of the very distant (or possibly really close) side-caverns in the caverns measureless to man. The squeaking and rustling gets louder as you get closer, until you enter the side-cavern and see that the entire ceiling is alive with bats!
You're tempted not to stay there, what with it being bat country at all, but before you can leave a man wearing a cape and cowl with pointy ears steps out of the darkness in front of you. Even though you can tell he's just a guy in a costume, his demeanor (and proximity to a thousand squirmy, winged rodents) makes you feel both cowardly and superstitious.
He nods grimly at you."SQUEAK, squeak squeal squeal squeak." he says.
"What?"
"Squeal, squeak squeak squeal!" he says, flapping his cape menacingly.
"I don't speak freakin' BAT, man!" you say.
He shakes his head, pulls a grappling hook from his belt, fires it into the distance, and swings away. You walk back to the main cavern, shaking your head.
- With Bats in the Belfry
You follow a faint squeaking, rustling sound that's coming from one of the very distant (or possibly really close) side-caverns in the caverns measureless to man. The squeaking and rustling gets louder as you get closer, until you enter the side-cavern and see that the entire ceiling is alive with bats!
You're tempted not to stay there, what with it being bat country at all, but before you can leave a man wearing a cape and cowl with pointy ears steps out of the darkness in front of you. Even though you can tell he's just a guy in a costume, his demeanor (and proximity to a thousand squirmy, winged rodents) makes you feel both cowardly and superstitious.
He nods grimly at you."Good evening, and welcome to my cave of bats," he says. Well, actually, he says "SQUEAK squeal squeak squeak," but you can somehow understand what he's saying.
"So, uh, what're you doing down here? And how do you get all the guano off your spandex?" you ask.
"I'm a dark, brooding, mysterious crimefighter," he says. "This cave is where I go to brood on my tragic past, and it's where I keep all my wonderful toys."
"So, uh, you dress like that to fight crime? Does that scare the criminals, or something?" you ask.
"Well, actually," he says, "the outfit is more for the ladies, if you know what I mean. The cape really works with this dance I made up -- the ladies can't get enough of it! Let me show you."
He does some kind of hip-shaking dance, punctuated by extending the two first fingers of each hand and passing them in front of his eyes. Though you're not too enthusiastic about learning the dance, the batty guy insists. After a couple of hours of practice, you've got it down.
 | You acquire an effect: Good with the Ladies (duration: 5 Adventures) |
| Ponder the measureless expanse |
You think about how a single stretch of underground real estate can be a thimble and an entire universe all at once. It makes you wonder if you're a colossus or a midget, if your arm is arm-length or big enough to give a high-five to god. If you bought a pair of pants right now, what would your waistline be? Thirty miles, or point seven nanometers?
You sit in the dark and ponder, feeling your mind open up to the mysteries of the cosmos. Or maybe it only opened up wide enough to let a grain of sand in; either way, it's a mystical journey.
You gain X Enchantedness. (approximately 1*mainstat)
| Measure the caverns |
You can't measure them. Weren't you paying attention? They're measureless to man.
And before you say "But I'm a woman!" know that we don't go in for any of that "MacDuff was from the womb untimely ripped" crap here.
Note: No adventures are lost when this option is selected.
- Occurs at The Stately Pleasure Dome.
References
- The guy in the bat suit is obviously Batman.
- The dance he does is the Batusi made famous from the Adam West TV series.
- The line "You're tempted not to stay there, what with it being bat country at all" is a reference to Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
- "MacDuff was from [his mother's] womb untimely ripped" is a quote from Macbeth.
- In the "Explore some side-tunnels" section, the comment about perching on Crispin Glover's shoulder is a reference to the movie Willard which is about a man named Willard (played by Glover) who befriends an army of rats.
- Seeing as how this adventure takes place in The Stately Pleasure Dome, the title is likely a reference to "Don't Dream It, Be It" from the Rocky Horror Picture Show: "Give yourself over to absolute pleasure /Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh / Erotic nightmares beyond any measure / And sensual daydreams to treasure forever"
