Box (monster)

Box
Monster ID	535
Locations	The Hole in the Sky
Hit Points	150
Attack	150
Defense	135
No-Hit	160
Initiative	70
Meat	None
Phylum	constellation
Elements	sleaze
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	corner, edge, face, star
Drops line, line, line
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting The Box

This constellation is shaped like a box. There's no obvious way to open it, but that's probably just as well -- the idea of a giant clown-on-a-spring made of stars doesn't exactly give you a warm fuzzy feeling.

Hit Message(s):

Step one: cut a hole in the box. Step 2: put your <ankle> in that box. Step 3: get burned by flaming hot gas. Ow! Ouch! Ugh! Oof! Ouch! Ouch! (hot damage)

It gives you a papercut. Since it's made of stars, that means it burns you with a ball of flaming hot gas. Ouch! Ow! Ouch! Ow! Oof! Ugh! (hot damage)

It boxes your ears. How does it box with typing gloves on? Eek! Eek! Ouch! Oof! Ooh! Oof! (sleaze damage)

The box rocks your socks. And your <calf>. Ugh! Argh! Ow! Ow! Eek! Ooh! (sleaze damage)

Critical Hit Message:

It rotates slightly and the lid of the box comes open. You stare inside of it, unable to look away. My god. It's full of stars. They should have sent a poet, because no one cares if a poet gets burned up. Argh! Ooh! Argh! Oof! (hot damage)

Miss Message(s):

Step one: get attacked by a box. Step 2: Dodge the attack by that box. Step 3: Make fun of that box.

It tries to give you a papercut, which doesn't work since it's not made of paper.

It tries to box your ears, but you block.

Fumble Message:

The lid of the box swings open. You cower in fear, but it turns out the box is just full of random junk. Man, what a sloppy box. (FUMBLE!)

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After Combat

You acquire an item: line (30% chance)*

You acquire an item: line (30% chance)*

You acquire an item: line (30% chance)*

You gain 37.5 <substat>.

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Occurs at The Hole in the Sky.

References

• The first hit message and the first miss message are references to the Saturday Night Live Digital Short, "A Special Christmas Box," featuring Justin Timberlake.
• The third hit message is a reference to a recurring question put to Strong Bad of Homestar Runner, "How do you type with boxing gloves on?"
• The critical hit message is a reference to the book version of 2001: A Space Odyssey, where David Bowman says "My god, it's full of stars!" before being sucked into the monolith.
• The critical hit message also refers to the book Contact by Carl Sagan, where scientists journey across the galaxy and, upon seeing the stars, claim that the governments "should've sent a poet."
• The name of this monster (like all new constellations) is a reference to female genitalia.
• The fumble message is a reference to the term ‘sloppy seconds.'
• The miss message "It tries to box your ears, but you block" may refer to the NYC signs, "Don't block the box", which aim to reduce intersection gridlock. The "box" is the rectangle in the center of a 90° intersection.