C.A.R.N.I.V.O.R.E. Operative

C.A.R.N.I.V.O.R.E. Operative
Monster ID	514
Locations	The Battlefield (Frat Warrior Fatigues)
Hit Points	320
Attack	210
Defense	189
Initiative	80
Meat	240-360
Phylum	hippy
Elements	stench
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	head, arm, leg, torso
Drops bullet-proof corduroys, C.A.R.N.I.V.O.R.E. button, Lockenstock™ sandals, green clay bead
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting a C.A.R.N.I.V.O.R.E. Operative

This is a member of an activist group known as Comrades of Animals Really Need to Infiltrate Villainous Organizations and Rescue Everyone, or C.A.R.N.I.V.O.R.E. for short. He believes that all animals should be treated humanely. He also believes that calling good treatment "humane" is yet another example of anthropocentrism in the English language. In fact, since only humans can easily speak the English language, language itself is anthropocentric.

Despite being deeply conflicted about his own humanity, this guy is going to save him some animals, even if he has to mow down a busload of toddlers to do it.

Hit Message(s):

He throws a recently-liberated rabbit at you. Rabbits aren't all that fierce, but the makeup the rabbit was testing gets all over you.Ooh! (sleaze damage)

He pulls a liberated lab rat from his coat and throws it at you. It sinks its fangs into your throat. Argh!

He orders a recently liberated ferret to attack you. It poings on top of your head with little malice, but much hurting. Ouch!

He orders a liberated rhesus monkey to attack you. The rhesus takes pieces out of your <lower back>. Ugh!

Critical Hit Message:

He treats you to a long dissertation on how anthropocentrism, or being "human-centric," separates us from becoming active members of the biotic community. You're so bored you bite your tongue to stay awake.Ow! Ow! Eek! Argh!

Miss Message(s):

He throws a liberated lab rat at you, but you dodge and say "you dirty rat..."

He orders a recently liberated ferret to attack you, but it gets distracted by something shiny and poings off into the sunset.

He throws a liberated rabbit at you, but it hops off, looking for a hat in which to hide.

He orders a rhesus monkey to attack, but the monkey is too traumatized by its imprisonment and falls to rhesus pieces.

Fumble Message:

He begins a long dissertation on the perils of being too human-centric, but you point out that lions are leocentric and bears are ursacentric, so it's natural. He stammers, embarrassed. (FUMBLE!)

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After Combat

You gain 240-360 Meat (average: 300, stdev: 24.9)*

You acquire an item: green clay bead

You acquire an item: bullet-proof corduroys

You acquire an item: C.A.R.N.I.V.O.R.E. button

You acquire an item: Lockenstock™ sandals

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Occurs at The Battlefield (Frat Warrior Fatigues) (rare).

Notes

• This monster cannot be copied.
• Occurs between 801 and 900 hippie casualties, if at all.

References

• The activist group C.A.R.N.I.V.O.R.E. seems to be a parody of the Animal Liberation Front, or A.L.F.
• "You dirty rat" is a reference to actor James Cagney's oft-misquoted line "You dirty yellow-bellied rat" from the 1932 film Taxi!
• The miss message about the rhesus monkey falling to rhesus pieces refers to the candy Reese's Pieces.
• A carnivore is an animal that has to eat other animals to survive.
• The distracted, 'poinging' ferret in one of the miss messages is a reference to Kiki, a talking ferret in the webcomic Sluggy Freelance.