Depressing French accordionist

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Depressing French accordionist
Monster ID 1452
Locations Wandering Monster
Hit Points  ?
Attack Scales with player stats
Defense Scales with player stats
Initiative 0
Meat None
Phylum dude
Elements None
Resistance  ?
Monster Parts arm, head, leg, torso
a suspicious address
Accordion Bal-musette accordion
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
depressing French accordionist You're fighting a depressing French accordionist

This accordion-playing mademoiselle is wearing a black-and-white striped shirt, skin-tight black leggings, and a dissatisfied moue. A cigarette dangles from one red-shellacked lip. She balances a long, thin loaf of bread atop her accordion and couldn't be more French unless she were actively surrendering.

She regards you with a dispassionate stare as she works the keys, playing depressing Bal-musette. Ennui? Mais oui!

Hit Message(s):

She stops playing long enough to bop you on the tête with her baguette. Eek! Eek! Argh!

She sings "La Vie En Rose," her nasal whine putting you in a "vie dans la doleur." Eek! Oof! Eek!

She blows cigarette smoke in your face, while calling you an imbécile. You cough so hard you see spots. Eek! Eek! Ow!

She kicks you with one of her stylish stiletto boots. It hurts almost as bad as being stabbed with an actual stiletto. Ugh! Argh! Ugh!

She slaps you across the face and calls you a "peeg." Her accent is funny, but the pain is not. Argh! Oof! Ugh!

She raises her arm to bop you on the head with her baguette. The bread doesn't hurt, but her body odor does. Eek! Ouch! Argh! (stench damage)

Critical Hit Message:

She takes a long pull on her cigarette, frowns, then puts the cigarette out on your elbow. Wow, when they said smoking was bad for you, they weren't kidding. Ooh! Ugh! Ooh! (hot damage)

Miss Message(s):

She tries to bop you on the tête with her baguette, but you say mais non!

She sings "La Vie En Rose." You hum along and wait for her to finish.

She blows cigarette smoke in your face, but you wave it away with your second hand.

She kicks at you with her stylish stiletto boots, but can't balance on her back foot firmly enough to launch a really effective kick.

She calls you a "peeg," but you laugh it off with a hearty "Hoh hoh hoh."

She raises her arm to bop you on the head, then you engage her in an argument about body hair and societal norms.

Fumble Message:

She stops attacking, overwhelmed by the ennui of her existence, totally drained of esprit de corps, lacking the joi de vivre to continue. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat


  • Is a Wandering monster.
  • a suspicious address is a one time drop that may drop from any of the wandering accordionists.
  • If you are an Accordion Thief and haven't stolen an accordion from this monster today, this text is added to the introduction:
    You notice that the accordionist is carrying an accordion. You also notice that the accordionist has a face and two arms and two legs.
  • If you then cast Steal Accordion:
    You snatch the accordion. He pulls another one out of his bag to replace it.[sic]
    Acc3.gifYou acquire an item: Bal-musette accordion