Disembodied Hand

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Familiar38.gif There is an in-game bug related to this page. Familiar38.gif
See #Buggy Behaviour.
Disembodied Hand

It's not handicapped
with your weapons, this guy can
beat foes one-handed.

Can equip weapons and hit stuff with them

Ability: Can equip any 1-handed weapon (except chef-staves and 1-handed accordions) to attack your enemies and imbue you with the enchantment of the weapon

Throne/Bjorn: Cannot sit in the throne.

Hatchling: Cigarbox.gif spooky rattling cigar box

Familiar-Specific Equipment: N/A

Arena.gif Ultimate Cage Match Scavenger Hunt Obstacle Course Hide and Seek
Olive.gifOlive.gifOlive.gif Olive.gifOlive.gif Hardcorex.gif Olive.gifOlive.gif

Mumming Trunk Abilities:

+30% Meat Drop 4-5 MP +3 Muscle statgain +15% Item Drop +3 Mysticality statgain 8-10 HP +2 Moxie statgain
Delevel 25%* Hardcorex.gif Hardcorex.gif Hardcorex.gif Hardcorex.gif Hardcorex.gif Hardcorex.gif
*Hover for details
Dasboot.gifCannot breathe underwater
Combat Messages
  • With no weapon equipped:
    • <Name> handily hits him for X damage.
    • <Name> hits for X damage, then fakes you out on a high-five. Psyche!
    • <Name> hits for X damage, then gives you a thumbs-up.
    • <Name> hits for X damage, then gives you a fist-bump (or is it a terrorist fist jab?)
    • <Name> cracks its knuckles loudly, then hits for X damage before you're done wincing.
    • <Name> hits for X damage, then throws a rude hand gesture to add insult to injury.
    • <Name> hits for X damage, then throws some celebratory devil-horns.
    • <Name> hits for X damage, then makes a hand-puppet and says, "S'alright."
    • The invisible hand of Adam Smith moves markets, but the visible hand of <Name> hits for X damage.
    • <Name> hits for X damage, then does a few celebratory shadow-puppets.
  • Artsythings (Periodical Paintbrush):
    • <Name> paints an incredibly lifelike picture of a monster taking X damage. Incredibly lifelike.
    • <Name> hits for X damage, then does a few celebratory shadow-puppets.
  • Axes:
    • Uses same messages as when hand is unequipped.
  • Blowguns:
    • Unable to blow into it, <Name> gets mad and smacks your opponent with the <weapon>, dealing X damage.
  • Bongs (beer bong):
    • <Name> takes aim and hoses him with X ounces of flat, skunky beer.
    • <Name> whips him with the hose from the bong for X damage.
    • <Name> hits for X damage with the beer bong. Boo, monster. Hooray, beer!
    • <Name> checks its wristwatch, sees that it's Willer Time, and sprays your opponent for X damage.
    • <Name> hits with the beer bong for X less-filling, great-tasting damage points.
  • Boomerangs:
    • <Name> tosses the <weapon> at <it>. The <weapon> doesn't come back, but it does hit for X damage.
    • <Name> chucks the <weapon> at <it>, doing X damage. The <weapon> doesn't come back, but <name> scuttles across the ground to retrieve it.
    • Crikey! <Name> just hit him for X damage with its <weapon>!
    • <Name> hurls the <weapon> at him. It hits <it> with a resounding BOOM and a quiet erang, dealing X damage.
    • <Name> hits for X damage with its <weapon>, proving that what goes around comes around. Or something.
    • <Name> hits the drongo attacking you for a bonzer X damage.
    • <Name> tosses the <weapon>, and it hits <it> once on the way out and once on the way back, for a total of X damage.
  • Cans (can of fake snow):
    • <Name> hoses down it with fake snow for X damage. Happy Crimbo!
    • <Name> sprays it with fake snow for a festive X damage.
  • Claws:
    • A claw is a claw, and <Name> uses it to claw for X damage.
    • <Name> claws her in the craw for X damage.
    • <Name> gives your opponent claws for alarm, clawing her for X damage.
    • <Name> makes the claw decide who will go and who will move on, and then claws her for X damage.
    • <Name> teaches your opponent to fear The Claw, clawing her for X damage.
    • Nobody has seen a talking claw, but you just saw <Name> claw him for X damage.
  • Clubs:
    • <Name> sprays him with some club soda. And by "sprays," I mean, "hits," and by "some," I mean "a," and by "soda," I mean "for X damage."
    • <Name> clubs him for X damage, then gives you a disembodied thumbs-up.
    • <Name> makes him a club sandwich, if "sandwich" means "something that just took X damage."
    • <Name> goes clubbing, waving a glowstick around happily. Wait, I meant the other kind of clubbing; the kind that does X damage.
    • <Name> hands him a good old-fashioned whack with the club. The first rule of hand club is you take X damage.
    • <Name> acts like the disembodied hand of Jeff Gillooly, whacking her for X damage.
    • <Name> makes like a cavehand, clubbing him for X damage.
    • <Name> clobbers them with the club for X damage. What a clobberin' clubber! You should reward it with some cobbler. Clobberin' clubber cobbler.
    • <Name> inducts her into the clubbed club, bashing her for X damage.
    • <Name> won't join any club that would have it for a member, but happily clubs it for X damage.
  • Crops (origami riding crop):
    • <Name> crops it for X damage, if you know what I mean.
    • <Name> does X damage with the crop, wink wink nudge nudge.
    • <Name> hits it for X damage with the crop. In your opinion, everyone involved enjoys it way too much.
    • <Name> hits it for X damage. And that's what she said.
    • <Name> hits him with the crop, doing X lewd damage points.
  • Crossbows:
    • <Name> fires a bolt from the blue, which does no damage. Then <name> fires a bolt from its <weapon>, which hits for X damage.
    • <Name> bolts after it, then shoots it with a bolt from the crossbow for X damage.
    • <Name> gets medieval on its ass, shooting them with the <weapon> for X damage.
    • <Name> hits it with a bolt of cloth, which is ineffectual, then follows up with a bolt from the crossbow, which hits for X damage.
    • <Name> shoots two bolts from the crossbow, double-crossing it for X damage.
    • <Name> lets fly a (Michael) bolt on your opponent, which hits for X damage.
    • With a resounding *thwip*, <name> shoots it with a bolt for X damage.
    • <Name> lets fly with a crossbow bolt, which does X damage. Then it sits for a minute, trying to figure out how to reload.
  • Cymbals:
    • <Name> pinches them with the tiny cymbals, dealing X damage and making quite a racket. Well, quite a small racket.
  • Disco Balls:
    • Fortunately, there ain't no mountain high enough to keep <Name> from hitting for X damage.
    • <Name> hits for X damage, like a macho, macho hand.
    • <Name> shakes its groove thang -- er, thumb -- and then hits for X damage.
    • <Name> rings its bell for X damage.
    • <Name> does the sign-language letters Y, M, C, and A, then hits it with the disco ball for X damage.
    • <Name> hits for X damage. It's rainin' pain, hallelujah!
    • <Name> celebrates good times, like the time it hit your opponent for X damage.
  • Drills (battery-powered drill):
    • <Name> drills a tiny hole in your foe, dealing X damage.
  • Drums:
    • <Name> bangs the <drum>, then bangs it into your opponent, dealing X damage.
    • <Name> beats the <drum> slowly, then beats your opponent mercilessly, dealing X damage.
    • <Name> gets tired of hitting the <drum>, and hits your opponent, instead. Your opponent gets tired of suffering X damage.
  • Euphemisms (flaming juggler's balls):
    • <Name> throws one of its balls at her for X damage (*snicker snicker*).
    • <Name> clearly has the balls to do X damage.
    • <Name> dips its balls in it, doing X damage.
    • <Name> has a ball with its attack, hitting for X damage.
    • <Name> hits it for X damage. Testicles.
  • Flails:
    • <Name> flails it for X damage. EPIC FLAIL.
    • <Name> flails wildly with the flail, flaying it for X damage.
    • <Name> garottes it with the flexible part of the flail for X damage.
    • <Name> bonks it with the end of the <weapon> for X damage.
  • Frisbees (ultimate ultimate frisbee):
    • <Name> does some impressive tricks with the ultimate ultimate frisbee before slinging it at your opponent for X damage.
    • <Name> hurls the ultimate ultimate frisbee at your opponent, dealing X points of ultimate damage.
  • Guns:
    • (same messages as for pistols)
  • Horns:
    • There's a comical bleat from the <horn> as <Name> clobbers your opponent with it, dealing X damage.
    • <Name> smacks it with the <horn> for X points of big, full, brassy-sounding damage.
  • Knife-gloves (dreadful glove):
    • <Name> sharpens the blades on the finger-gloves against each other, then slashes <him/her> for X damage.
    • <Name> slashes the walls, making sparks fly from the finger-knives. Then he claws <him/her> for X damage.
    • <Name> gives <him/her> the middle finger, then all the rest of the fingers, slashing <him/her> for X damage.
    • <Name> tiptoes across the floor on the tips of his finger-knives, then slashes <him/her> for X damage.
    • <Name> makes sure he will never sleep again, carving <him/her> for X damage.
  • Knives:
    • <Name> slices him for X damage. Dagger? I 'ardly know 'er!
    • <Name> cuts him so bad, he wishes <name> didn't cut him so bad, doing X damage.
    • <Name> switches the blade on the guy in shades -- er, <name> stabs him for X damage.
    • Put your shoes at the door, sleep, prepare for life: <name>'s last twist of the knife does X damage.
    • <Name> does that knife trick from Aliens on him -- but with considerably less accuracy -- for X damage.
    • <Name> throws the <weapon> at him, missing by a country mile. Then <name> retrieves the <weapon> and stabs him with it for X damage.
    • <Name>'s love is like a knife: it cuts both ways. Actually, <name>'s knife is like a knife, and cuts for X damage.
    • <Name> uses its knife to subtly cut him for X damage.
  • Knuckles:
    • <Name> cracks its knuckles, slips on the candy knuckles, and knuckles down to punching for X damage.
    • <Name> lets you have a lick of the candy knuckles, then punches them for X damage.
  • Maces (Mace of the Tortoise):
    • <Name> terra-pins him to the wall with its Mace of the Tortoise, doing X damage.
    • <Name> slowly and steadily bashes it for X damage.
    • <Name> shells out X damage with its Mace of the Tortoise.
    • <Name> sprays it with some mace. Wait, I mean, <Name> bashes it with the mace for X damage.
    • <Name> proves itself the ace of mace, bashing it for X damage.
    • <Name> hits with its Mace of the Tortoise for X damage. Cowabunga!
  • Pistols:
    • Guns don't do X damage, <name> does X damage. Well, okay, the gun helps.
    • <Name> fires five or six shots from the <weapon>, doing a punkily lucky X damage.
    • Even though <name> is a cold, dead hand, your opponent can't pry the <weapon> from it, and his attempts only get him shot for X damage.
    • <Name> jumps the gun. When <name> lands, <name> picks up the gun and shoots for X damage.
    • <Name> buys your opponent a ticket to the gun show, shooting him for X damage. What? <name> doesn't even have biceps.
    • <Name> pulls the trigger (no, not the horse) of its <weapon>, putting X holes in your opponent.
    • <Name> is a pretty good shot for someone with only one hand (and no eyes, or anything else). It shoots him for X damage.
    • <Name> scratches its itchy trigger finger, blasting your opponent for X damage.
    • If guns were outlawed, only outlaws like <Name> would do X damage.
  • Polearms:
    • <Name> thwaps it with the <weapon> for X damage. Yup, that's all I've got.
    • <Name> clubs it with its <weapon> for X damage. Then you spend a minute teaching <name> the difference between a one-handed polearm and a club.
    • <Name> trips it with its <weapon>. It comes crashing to the ground, taking X damage.
    • <Name> spins its <weapon> like a buck-and-a-quarter quarterstaff, hitting for X damage.
    • <Name> poleaxes it for X damage. Better poleaxe than polecat, I always say.
  • Radios:
    • <Name> tunes in a heavy metal song on the super-sweet boom box. It bangs its head so hard, it does X damage.
    • <Name> puts some breakdancing music on the super-sweet boom box, then breaks it for X damage.
    • <Name> smashes it with the super-sweet boom box for X damage.
  • Rattles (bone rattle):
    • <Name> rattles, then bites her with venomous fangs, dealing X damage. Wait, no -- I meant that <Name> hit her with the rattle.
    • With a Latin flourish, <Name> bonks them with the bone rattle, dealing X damage. Ayiyiyiyi!
  • Rods:
    • <Name> decides not to risk spoiling him, and hits him with the rod for X damage.
    • <Name> spares the rod, then changes its mind and smacks him for X damage.
    • Omigod, Decken, <Name> hit for X damage with the <weapon you have equipped>. Omigod.
  • Saucepans:
    • <Name> bounces its saucepan off of his with a resounding BAM!, doing X damage.
    • <Name> clocks him with the saucepan, doing X damage. Next up, it'll saucepan somebody with a clock.
    • <Name> hits him with the saucepan three times. Clang, clang, clang, went the X damage!
    • <Name> handily saucepanhandles him for X damage.
    • <Name> pours out the pain for a saucy X damage.
  • Slings (double-barreled sling):
    • <Name> loads a pebble into the sling and hurls it at it, resulting in a loud "plink" and X damage.
  • Slingshots:
    • <Name> loads up the slingshot somehow, then somehow shoots it at it and deals X damage.
  • Snowsacks (Frosty's snowball sack):
    • <Name> hits it with a snowball for X damage, unless you're currently in hell. In that case, assume <Name> slapped the monster, or something.
    • <Name> finds a snowball with just the right amount of grit and gravel, and whips it at it for X damage.
    • <Name> hits it with a gravel-filled slushball for X damage.
    • <Name> hits it with a slushball for X damage.
    • <Name> hits it with a snowball for X damage. A licky boom boom down.
    • <Name> hits it with an iceball for X damage.
  • Spears:
    • <Name> spears it like a cocktail onion, doing X damage.
    • <Name> teaches it to fear the spear, here, stabbing it for X damage.
    • <Name> goes spare and tosses the spear, which pares it for X damage.
    • <Name> spares not the spear, spearing it for X damage.
  • Staves:
    • <Name> gives it a staff infection, doing 27 damage.
    • <Name> pokes it with pristine walrus tusk for 24 damage.
    • <Name> hits for 39 damage. Happy Birthday!
    • <Name> swipes it with <weapon> for 34 damage.
  • Superballs (Spooky Putty ball):
    • <Name> bounces the ball against the floor, then against your opponent, dealing X damage.
    • <Name> hurls the bouncy ball at it, dealing X damage.
  • Swords:
    • <Name> lives by the sword, and your foe takes X damage by the sword.
    • <Name> re-enacts the Sword in the Stone, using your foe as the stone. The result is messy, and does X damage.
    • <Name> slashes prices with its <weapon>, doing X damage. In related news, this foe's new name is "prices."
    • <Name> stabs it with the sword for X damage. Take that, pen!
    • <Name> writes some slashfic with its <weapon>, using it for writing paper. It takes X damage.
    • <Name> slices, dices, and makes Julienne fries out of it, doing X damage. NOW how much would you pay?
    • <Name> gets all stabby on him, doing X damage.
    • <Name> swings the sword (in defiance of laws of physics and leverage), and hits it for X damage.
  • Umbrellas:
    • <Name> whacks it with the umbrella, doing X damage and leaving it totally bumbershot.
    • <Name> hits for X damage with the umbrella. Ella. Ella. Ay, ay, ay, ay.
    • <Name> thrusts and parasols with the umbrella, doing X damage.
    • <Name> lets a smile be its umbrella, and lets the umbrella be its weapon, hitting for X damage.
    • <Name> makes like John Steed and whacks it for X damage.
    • <Name> gallantly shares its umbrella with it, whacking it for X damage.
    • <Name> stabs it with the tip of the <weapon>, doing X damage.
  • Utensils:
    • <Name> smacks it with the <weapon>, doing a delicious X damage.
    • <Name> crawls over the <weapon> until he finds the business end, then hits him with it for X damage.
    • <Name> admits him to the pain buffet, hitting with the <weapon> for X damage.
    • <Name> hits it for X damage, then does the sign language for "BAM!"
    • <Name> serves up second helpings of pain, hitting with the <weapon> for X damage.
  • Violins (world's smallest violin):
    • <Name> pokes it with the tiny bow, then plays a sad, sad song about the X damage it just suffered.
    • <Name> drags the bow across it, making a dreadful hiss and dealing X damage.
  • Wands (Wand of Nagamar):
    • <Name> gives the wand a VIGOROUS SHAKING, giving your opponent a nasty case of SOAKING HOG VIRUS. He drips and oinks miserably, taking X damage.
    • <Name> WAVES THE WAND, summoning a SHAVED NEWT, AW. The newt tramples him for X damage.
    • <Name> CASTS A SPELL, summoning some CASTLE SLAPS, which slap him for X damage.
    • <Name> gets tired of casting spells, and whacks him with the wand for X damage.
    • <Name> DROPS THE WAND, inadvertently summoning a HEWN DARTS POD. Several freshly-cut darts fly out of the pod and hit for X damage.
  • Whips:
    • <Name> cracks the whip, and gives the past the slip. Oh, and also hits for X damage.
    • <Name> whips out its whip and whips it at it, whipping for X damage.
    • <Name> bites it like a whippet. Wait, I mean, <name> hits for X damage with the whip.
    • <Name> pretends your foe is a bowl full of cream, and whips it for X damage.
    • <Name> whips it like the disembodied hand of a dominatrix, doing a delicious, sensual X damage. Gah.
    • <Name> whips it like the disembodied hand of a lion tamer. Er, a lion tamer whose limbs keep moving after being severed. Zombie lion tamer. Anyway, it X does damage.
    • <Name> makes like Indi-hand-a Jones, whipping it for X damage.
  • Whistles:
    • <Name> repeatedly jabs it with the <whistle>, dealing X damage.
    • <Name> never learned to whistle, and so decides to hit your opponent in the face with the <whistle> instead, dealing X damage.
  • Yoyos:
    • <Name> sends the <weapon> spinning into it, doing X damage-damage.
    • <Name> gets the yo-yo all tangled up in itself, so just uses it as a flail for X damage.
    • <Name> does an around the world (around the world, around the world) with the <weapon>, smacking your opponent on each rotation for a total of X damage.
    • <Name> walks the dog with its <weapon>, then hits your opponent for X damage.
    • <Name> tries to do a cat's cradle with the yo-yo, but that's hard to do with one hand, so it settles for hitting for X damage.

At the end of combat

Arena Messages

  • When entered in an Obstacle Course:
    <name>'s fingers can't do the walking through the obstacle course.


  • This familiar attacks, and hits, every round. Damage ranges from (X to 2X)+(P/5 to P/10), where X is the weight of the familiar and P is the weapon's power. The two components are calculated separately, resulting in a triangular distribution of damage.
  • The Disembodied Hand can equip any 1-handed weapon (except chef-staves), regardless of whether the player meets the weapon's stat requirements.
  • Bonus rollover adventures and PvP fights are granted if the Disembodied Hand is active, and appropriately equipped, during rollover.
  • If you can't equip a Mr. store weapon due to being in hardcore mode, you can't equip it to the disembodied hand either.
  • When equipping items with class-specific enchantments, the enchantment will only be passed on to players of the appropriate class. For instance, a Sauceror with a Disembodied Hand wielding a diamond-studded cane will gain no benefit, while a Disco Bandit will.
  • All elemental and/or spell damage bonuses stack with the player's bonuses. This means that if your weapon and the hand's weapon give an elemental damage bonus that a monster resists (e.g., both of you using happiness to attack a Hellion), you'll only see +1 like a normal resist, instead of a +1 for you and a +1 for the hand.
  • Neither the pernicious cudgel nor the diabolical crossbow provide their tier of Slime Hates It when equipped to the disembodied hand.
  • Equipping a Disembodied Hand with the huge mirror shard doesn't reflect the beam in the Naughty Sorceress' Tower.
  • The Sewage Pipe item test in the Sewer Tunnel adventure ignores a gatorskin umbrella equipped by a Disembodied Hand.
  • Special sauce gloves don't fit Disembodied Hand, nor does it have the Spirit of Rigatoni. As such, it cannot equip Chefstaves. Trying to forcibly equip one on it gives the message:
    Your Disembodied Hand isn't proficient in chefstaves, and isn't willing to take the -4 penalty.
  • The Disembodied Hand cannot equip 1-handed accordions either:
    Your Disembodied Hand isn't willing to play pilfered goods.
  • Attempting to hand your Hand a non-one-handed weapon or non-familiar equipment gives the message:
    Your Disembodied Hand, oddly enough, can only equip one-handed weapons and familiar equipment.
  • Sometime between June 22, 2014 and September 1, 2014, the hand lost the ability to equip one-handed weapons with single-equip restrictions.
    You can only equip that item on your personal person.
  • If you do not attack successfully (miss, fumble, pickpocket, miss a turn, or use an item), the hand's weapon damage bonuses (elemental or not) do not apply, but the hand itself can still deal physical damage.
  • Equipping the Disembodied Hand with a haiku katana allows you to use the skills, even if you are in bird form.
  • The respective skill granted by the (one-handed) Ultimate Legendary Epic Weapons can also be used when the disembodied hand wields the weapon.
  • Sugar weapons equipped by the hand disintegrate as if you were holding them.

Buggy Behaviour


  • This familiar is obviously an homage to Thing from The Addams Family.
  • The "Boo, monster!" beer bong hit message is a reference to the Red Stripe Beer commercials, which always take the form "Boo, (insert undesirable thing). Hooray, beer!"
  • The reference to not being proficient in chefstaves (and the penalty for such) is a reference to the third edition of the roleplaying game Dungeons & Dragons, in which players attacking with a weapon with which they are not proficient suffer a -4 penalty to hit.
  • The umbrella attack message ending in "Ella. Ella. Ay, ay, ay, ay" is a reference to the 2007 Rihanna song "Umbrella" featuring Jay-Z.
  • There is an umbrella attack message featuring John Steed from the 1960s television show, The Avengers.
  • Jeff Gillooly is Tonya Harding's ex-husband, and was involved in the clubbing of Nancy Kerrigan's knee before the 1994 U.S. Figure Skating Championships. It was, however, Shane Stant who did the actual clubbing.
  • "BAM!" is a catch-phrase of Emeril Lagasse, used when he adds spices to food in order to "kick it up a notch."
  • The attack message asking how much you would pay lists off several catch phrases of the often imitated Ginsu Knife infomercials from the early 1980s. But wait, there's more ... this is oddly a sword attack message, not a knife message.
  • The knife attack message about "cutting him so bad" is a reference to a line from Family Guy.
  • There is an often used KoL reference to the Daft Punk song, "Around the World" as a yo-yo attack message.
  • "EPIC FLAIL" is a play on "epic fail", a phrase commonly used on the Internet to point out total failure.
  • The pistols' attack messages are references to a common argument ("Guns don't kill people. People kill people."), and a line from the movie Dirty Harry, "Did he fire six shots or only five? ... You've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?" The line: "the gun helps" is a reference to Eddie Izzard's stand-up act.
  • One of the unarmed attack messages references Fox News' interpretation of Barack Obama's fist-bump as a "terrorist fist jab".
  • The message when the hand is wearing wax lips is a reference to two Señor Wences characters: "Johnny", who was a face drawn on the ventriloquist's hand, and "Pedro", a disembodied head in a box.
  • "The invisible hand of Adam Smith" is a reference to Smith's book The Wealth of Nations wherein he coined the term "invisible hand" as a metaphor for economic movements within the market.
  • The "guy in shades" message references the lyrics of "Sunglasses at Night" by Corey Hart.
  • "Put your shoes at the door, sleep, prepare for life / The last twist of the knife" are the final two lines from T.S. Eliot's "Rhapsody on a Windy Night", which also was the basis for the song "Memory" from Cats.
  • "Uses its knife to cut subtly" is most likely a reference to The Subtle Knife by Phillip Pullman.
  • The "cracks the whip" line refers to the opening line of the Devo song "Whip It".
  • "Won't join any club" alludes to a line popularized by Groucho Marx.
  • The "dips its balls in it" message is a reference to the character Louie from MTV's The State whose catch phrase was "I wanna dip my balls in it!"
  • The disco ball messages refer to an assortment of Disco hits, including "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" by Boys Town Gang, "Macho Man" and "Y.M.C.A." by the Village People, "Shake Your Groove Thing" by Peaches & Herb, "Ring My Bell" by Anita Ward, "It's Raining Men" by The Weather Girls, and "Celebration" by Kool & the Gang.