Dr. Awkward

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Dr. Awkward
Dr. Awkward

After some searching, you manage to find Dr. Awkward, skulking in the shadows of the Palindome and fondling the Staff of Fats in a particularly creepy manner. "Hey, you!" you shout. "That fight we had? Yeah, I'm calling a do-over. Get out your best silver platter, 'cause I'm about to serve you your ass on it."

Dr. Awkward sneers and draws his sword. "Go deliver a dare, vile dog."

The Mega Gem glows brightly as you charge at your opponent, shouting your battlecry:

War, sir, is raw!

Egad! No bondage!

Eva, can I stack Rod's sad-ass, dork cats in a cave?


Dr. Awkward
Monster ID 453
Locations Dr. Awkward's Office
Hit Points 200
Attack 175
Defense 157
No-Hit 185
Initiative 0
Meat None
Phylum dude
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts arm, head, leg
Drowsy Sword
Quest Staff of Fats
Pickpocket fumble formula
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
Dr. Awkward You're fighting Dr. Awkward

You don't know much about this evil little bald man wearing wire-rimmed spectacles and a black trench coat*, other than the fact that he's stolen the Staff of Fats for some nefarious purpose. You figure that's plenty enough reason to beat the hell out of him. Heck, just the fact that he's evil would be reason enough, right?

*Some people claim he's wearing a white trench coat, but their testimony is unreliable.

Hit Message(s):

Dr. Awkward sneers evilly as you stumble directly into the path of his attack.Argh! Ow! Ouch! Ow!

He pokes you several times with the pointy end of his sword Ow! Ooh!

Critical Hit Message:

He ruthelessly beats you down, laughing. "Stab, mow, knife -- ye fink wombats!" he says, whatever that means. Ooh!

Miss Message(s):

He growls angrily as you dodge his attack. "Damn a madness! Send a man mad!"

He pokes at you with his sword, but you dodge in a way that's too exciting for me to describe.

Fumble Message:

Dr. Awkward whips his rapier at you, but you fortuitously stumble out of the way. "Drat such custard!" he shouts, inexplicably. (FUMBLE!)

Special Move(s):

Dr. Awkward pulls out a small first-aid kit, and quickly patches himself up a bit.

After Combat

Poolcue.gifYou acquire an item: Staff of Fats
Drowsysword.gifYou acquire an item: Drowsy Sword
You gain 124 <substat>.

Occurs in Dr. Awkward's Office with the Mega Gem equipped.


  • You can fumble against him even with "Never Fumble" equipment.
  • His healing skill will heal him between 23-50 HP.
  • Using Pickpocket on this monster may yield a fumble formula from about 5% of pickpocket attempts.
  • This encounter is considered to be Inside the Palindome for location purposes, such as fishing.
  • This monster cannot be copied.


  • Dr. Awkward was the winning team in the 2007 MIT Mystery Hunt, an event in which Jick and Company participated.
  • Dr. Awkward might also be a reference to Dr Awkward & Olson in Oslo, a 31,954 word palindrome novel written in 1986.
  • The battlecry buttons, Dr. Awkward, and several of his fight messages are palindromes.
  • Dr. Awkward's description and appearance resemble that of Arnold Toht, a villain in the movie Raiders of the Lost Ark.
  • The second hit message may be a reference to Jon Snow's advice to his younger sister Arya concerning swordfighting in A Game of Thrones, from George R. R. Martin's fantasy series A Song of Ice and Fire, which was to "Stick them with the pointy end."