Drunk goat

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Drunk goat
Monster ID 82
Locations The Goatlet
Hit Points 50
Attack 68
Defense 61
No-Hit 78
Initiative 70
Meat 36-54
Phylum beast
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts head, leg, tail, torso
bottle of whiskey, goat beard
Bounty billy idol
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
drunk goat You're fighting a drunk goat

This goat is drunk as a skunk. Which means he's considerably more drunk than a skunk who is as drunk as a goat.

Hit Message(s):

He staggers up to you and headbutts you in the <ear>. Eek! Oof!

He engages you in a twenty-minute long argument against artificial turf. You fall asleep and hit your head on a rock. Oof! Ugh! Argh! Ugh!

He starts to headbutt you, then turns green and projectile vomits all over you. Acidic! Argh! Ugh!

He punches you with a cloven hoof, just because he doesn't like your face. Ow! Oof! Ugh! Eek! Ugh!

Critical Hit Message:

He headbutts you, goring you with his horns, trampling you with his hooves, and spilling acidic vomit all over you. You just hit the pain trifecta. Ugh! Oof! Eek! Oof!

Miss Message(s):

He staggers toward you to gore you with its horns, but gets pulled over for a GUI.

He engages you in a twenty-minute long argument for artificial turf. You emerge victorious.

He puts an arm (well, hoofed leg) around you and says "I love you, man. You're my best friend."

He chooses not to attack, just because he likes your face.

Fumble Message:

He starts to headbutt you, but halfway there collapses to the ground and starts snoring. You wish you had a pen with you, so you could write hilariously obscene words all over him. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Meat.gifYou gain 36-54 Meat (average: 45, stdev: 4.06)*
Bottle.gifYou acquire an item: bottle of whiskey (20.0% chance)*
Goatbeard.gifYou acquire an item: goat beard (3.9% chance)*
Billyidol.gifYou acquire an item: billy idol (100% chance)*
You gain 17 <substat>.

Occurs at The Goatlet.


  • "Drunk goat" could refer to a variety of cheese called "drunken goat cheese."
  • In a miss message, GUI is a play on DUI, which is an acronym for "driving under the influence" (of alcohol). GUI could stand for "goring under the influence" or "goat under the influence". GUI itself is an acronym for "graphical user interface," sometimes pronounced as "gooey."
  • The drunk argument for and against astroturf as well as liking and then not liking your face, are a reference to Larry Miller's five stages of drinking.