Elite Beer Bongadier

Elite Beer Bongadier
Monster ID	507
Locations	The Battlefield (War Hippy Fatigues)
Hit Points	230
Attack	190
Defense	184
No-Hit	200
Initiative	50
Meat	None
Phylum	orc
Elements	sleaze
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	arm, head, leg, torso
Drops beer bong, beer helmet, bejeweled pledge pin, distressed denim pants, kick-ass kicks, PADL Phone
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting an Elite Beer Bongadier

This is one of the master ballistic brewers of The Brotherhood of One. He makes primarily the weak rice-water beer that frat boys seem to crave, then uses it to wage war on all who have enough active taste buds to order something a little more sophisticated.

Hit Message(s):

He uses a beer bong as a slingshot and shoots an unopened can at you. It bounces off your <groin> with an unpleasant *thunk.* Argh! (sleaze damage)

He shakes up a can of beer and opens it in your direction, spraying you with skunky, cheap homebrewed beer. Ick. Argh! (sleaze damage)

He pulls out a complicated beer bong and whips you with a series of tubes. The data clogged in the tubes really hurts. Argh!

He crams the end of the beer bong up your nose and bathes your sinuses in crappy beer. Argh!

Critical Hit Message:

He crams a beer bong down your throat and forces you to shotgun a six-pack of cheap beer. At least there's no way it'll get you drunk. Ooh! Ouch! Ooh!(sleaze damage)

Miss Message(s):

He tries to sneak a beer bong into your trousers, but you sidestep his attempt to get into your pants.

He shakes up a can of beer and points it at you, but it's such weak beer it doesn't do any damage.

He tries to shotgun a beer at you, but can't find his shotgun.

He tries to shove the beer bong up your nose, but you tell him, "up your nose with a rubber hose, mister!"

Fumble Message:

He crams a beer bong down your throat and forces you to shotgun a beer, but at least that way it bypasses your taste buds. (FUMBLE!)

Special Move(s):

He distracts you and sneaks a beer bong into your trousers, pouring foul beer down your pants and into your shoes. Ugh! Argh! (sleaze damage)

You acquire an effect: Beer in Your Shoes (duration: 5 Adventures)

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After Combat

You acquire an item: beer bong (30.3% chance)*

You acquire an item: beer helmet (0.9% chance)*

You acquire an item: bejeweled pledge pin (0.8% chance)*

You acquire an item: distressed denim pants (0.8% chance)*

You acquire an item: kick-ass kicks (3.7% chance)*

You acquire an item: PADL Phone (3.0% chance)*

You gain 46 <substat>.

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Occurs in The Battlefield (War Hippy Fatigues).

References

• The "series of tubes" message is a reference to Alaska Senator Ted Stevens, who famously declared that the internet is a series of tubes.