Fiendish can of asparagus

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Fiendish can of asparagus
Monster ID 146
Locations The Haunted Pantry
Hit Points 1
Attack 2
Defense 0
No-Hit 12
Initiative 50
Meat 4-6
Phylum undead
Elements stench
Resistance None
Monster Parts arm, can, leg
asparagus knife, razor-sharp can lid, stalk of asparagus
Bounty shredded can label
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
fiendish can of asparagus You're fighting a fiendish can of asparagus

In the Haunted Pantry, you're attacked by a fiendish can of asparagus. Cans of asparagus aren't normally all that scary, but this one's got a knife!

Hit Message(s):

It stabs you in the <elbow> with an asparagus spear. Now your blood smells funny. Argh! (stench damage)

It scratches your <skull> with its knife. Great, now your blood's gonna smell funny. Ooh! (stench damage)

It bonks its aluminum body right into your <head>. Man, that's going to leave a bruise. Eek! (stench damage)

Critical Hit Message:

It opens its can and spears you with a bunch of asparagus spears. Great, you haven't been speared like this since the battle of Brit's Knee. Argh! (stench damage)

Miss Message(s):

It tries to stab you, but you kick it away. Never bring a knife to a footfight.

It tries to spear you in the <arse>, but you kick the can.

It tries to batter you with its aluminum body, but you're immune to battering because you've drunk a lot of beer.

Fumble Message:

It opens its can and throws several spears of asparagus at you. Thankfully, spears of canned asparagus aren't all that sharp. And apparently, neither is the can, if it thought that would work. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Meat.gifYou gain 4-6 Meat (average: 5, stdev: 0.71)*
Knife.gifYou acquire an item: asparagus knife (20.6% chance)*
Canlid.gifYou acquire an item: razor-sharp can lid (42.4% chance)*
Stalk.gifYou acquire an item: stalk of asparagus (40.8% chance)*
Shredlabel.gifYou acquire a bounty item: shredded can label
(X of 8 found)
You gain 1 <substat>.

Occurs at The Haunted Pantry.


  • A successful attack from this monster has a chance of giving you an effect:
Stalk.gifYou acquire an effect: What's That Smell?
(duration: 5 Adventures)
  • There exists a stuffed version of this monster.


  • The combat text, "Never bring a knife to a footfight", is a reference to the 1987 Brian De Palma film, The Untouchables. Irish beat cop Jim Malone (played by Sean Connery) says to a would-be assassins corpse, "Isn't that just like a wop? Brings a knife to a gun fight."
  • The "blood smells funny" effect refers to the fact that when some people eat asparagus, their urine smells funny for a while.
  • "Kick the can" is a reference to the old tag variant, where those caught by the person who is "it" can be freed if a non-caught player kicks a can.
  • The critical hit message is a reference to Britney Spears.
  • "This one's got a knife" is a reference to a 'The Far Side' Comic strip in which two men on safari are wary of an elephant with a knife