Get Real

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Get Real
Get Real

You belly up to the barrr and take a seat on one of the barrrstools. The barkeep, Paddy, eyes you suspiciously. He must have seen that you don't have the typical pirate's drunken-drag-queen walk. "What's yer poison?" he asks. It occurs to you that in a place like this, that question's pretty important.

"I'll just have a virgin calle de miel," you say.

"Virgin?" Paddy says, and laughs in an entirely unpleasant fashion. "The only thing virgin in here are those nerdy pirates over there!" He gestures to a corner where a group of pimply-faced, bespectacled pirates are rolling dice with way too many sides. You decide to see what they're up to.

"Okay, so you're sitting in your cubicle," one of the nerdy pirates says, "your boss comes in and tells you that you have to make a spreadsheet for a meeting tomorrow."

"My +1 Cloak of Procrastination enables me to successfully avoid working on the project until the last minute," another of the nerdy pirates answers. "I'm going to surf the internet for funny cat pictures."

"What are you guys doing?" you ask.

"It's this great game called Cubicles and Conference Calls, or C&CC," one of the nerds answers, pushing his glasses up on his nose. "It takes place in a fantastic world where there's no magic, no monsters, and you're not allowed to beat people up and take their stuff. It's really, really cool."

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard," you say. "You guys should really get out into the real world instead of spending all your time on this ridiculous fantasy crap. Why don't you go try and meet some girls?"

"We, uh, we don't know anything about girls. Girls scare us. I'd rather deal with a C.E.O., a Middle Manager, and a Nosy Coworker than talk to a girl!"

You decide that someone has to help these poor, deluded kids. You spend the next hour teaching them the ins and outs (heh heh) of the fine art of wenching, finally watching with pride as they talk to women for the first time in their lives. Moxious!

You gain 60 Roguishness.

Occurs at Barrrney's Barrr.



  • The game "Cubicles and Conference Calls" is an anti-reference to the tabletop roleplaying game Dungeons and Dragons.
  • The line about a "typical pirate's drunken-drag-queen walk" is likely a reference to Johnny Depp's remarkable character Jack Sparrow in the Popular Pirates of the Caribbean movies.