Giant Desktop Globe

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Giant Desktop Globe
Monster ID 279
Locations The Sorceress' Tower (The Stairs)
Hit Points 99999
Attack 99999
Defense 89999
No-Hit 100009
Initiative 0
Meat None
Phylum construct
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts continent, stand
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
Giant Desktop Globe You're fighting a Giant Desktop Globe

This is a massive, full-color rendering of the entire planet, made to sit on an equally massive desktop. It spins menacingly, perpendicular to its shiny metal axis. Certain continents look much more threatening than others, but the overall effect is startling.

Hit Message(s):

It rolls forward and crushes you under one of its eleven oceans. You feel a little like a loveable ex-con pulled back in for one last heist. Ugh! Ugh! Oof! Argh! Ooh! Ooh! Oof! Eek! Argh! Oof!

It rolls forward and crushes you under one of its larger continents. It feels like the "In" continent, that hippest of all land masses. Eek! Oof! Ow! Ooh! Eek! Oof! Ow! Oof! Ooh! Eek!

It rolls forward under the counterweight of its counterweight continent and smashes you up against the wall. Oof! Argh! Oof! Oof! Ooh! Eek! Eek! Eek! Eek! Oof!

Miss Message(s):

It tries to you[sic] in the <arm>, but misses.

You wind up the NG and let it fly. It makes a hole perpendicular to the name of The Seaside Town, with an exit wound in a foreign nation. It splits cleanly into two halves. You don't want the whole thing, or even your half, so you leave it and continue on.
You gain 40 <substat>.

Occurred at The Sorceress' Tower (The Stairs).


  • This monster's combat weakness is the NG.
  • If you lose, you will receive a hint as to which item to use.
    • First hint: This one's a bit tricky. Forget about the game, and think more about the game designers.
    • Second hint: You may have noticed that there's a lot of musical references in this game, and a disproportional number of them are from a particular band.
    • Third hint: If you haven't spotted the reference yet, or aren't familiar with the band in question, maybe Google could help you out? There's a few words in the text that might stick out as being important.
    • Fourth hint: The song you're looking for is "Ana Ng", by They Might Be Giants. Does that remind you of any items in the game?
    • Fifth hint: You need an NG to beat this. The N comes from the Valley Beyond the Orc Chasm, and the G comes from the Castle in the Clouds in the Sky.


Make a hole with a gun perpendicular
To the name of this town in a desktop globe
Exit wound in a foreign nation
Showing the home of the one this was written for

Ana Ng and I are getting old
And we still haven't walked in the glow of each other's majestic presence
  • The message when you use the NG is also a reference to the same song.
When I was driving once I saw this painted on a bridge:
"I don't want the world, I just want your half"
  • The phrase "shiny metal axis" is a reference to Futurama, where the character Bender frequently says "Bite my shiny metal ass".
  • The "counterweight continent" message is probably a reference to the Discworld series, by Terry Pratchett. One of the continents on the Discworld is known as the Counterweight Continent (home to the Agatean Empire).
  • The message about being crushed by the globe's eleven oceans references the film Ocean's Eleven. It is also another one of the Kingdom's many elevens.
  • The message about the "In" continent is probably a reference to Esmé Squalor in the A Series of Unfortunate Events book series, or simply a play on "incontinent".