Granny Hackleton

Granny Hackleton
Monster ID	1925
Locations	Investigating a Plaintive Telegram
Hit Points	3000
Attack	?
Defense	unknown
Initiative	0
Meat	None
Phylum	dude
Elements	None
Resistance	?
Monster Parts	arm, Gatling gun, head, leg, torso, wheelchair
Drops Granny Hackleton's Gatling gun
Pickpocket	?
Accordion	?
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting Granny Hackleton

Of all the fights you expected to get into on this trip, not one of them was a bank-robbing septuagenarian with a gatling gun mounted to her wheelchair. "Draw, ya whippersnapper!" she cackles.

Hit Message(s):

Hoo-boy. Hope you didn't need that <neck>, because there isn't very much of it left. Oof! Ooh! Argh!

She shoots you in the <foot>, the <eye>, and the <skull>. Hat trick! Ow! Ow! Ooh!

You've never seen one of these crank-guns in action before... but if you don't start dodging, it'll be the last thing you ever see. Ow! Oof! Ooh!

Critical Hit Message:

She sprays bullets all over the ground at your feet. Also at your feet. And pretty much all of the rest of you. (CRITICAL HIT!)

Miss Message(s):

The recoil from her gatling gun has pushed her out of range, and she has to take a minute to wheel back toward you.

With all the bullets spraying out of that thing, it's amazing none of them hit you.

There's a pause in the shooting as one of Granny's nephews runs up to her with a fresh box of ammo.

Fumble Message:

She has to let her gun cool off for a second, and makes use of the time by crowing insults at you. (FUMBLE!)

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After Combat

You acquire 3 buffalo dimes

You tie Granny to her wheelchair (and tie the wheelchair to a lamppost) until the Sheriff arrives to take her into custody. "Thanks for your help, friend," he says. "The Hackletons have been stirring up trouble all the way from the east coast. I'm afraid we don't have enough cash on hand to pay out the reward though, unless you don't mind waitin' around a few days 'til the Federals arrive to pick 'em up."

"Don't worry about it," you reply, patting the gatling gun you removed from Granny's chair. "I'll take my reward in trade."

You acquire an item: Granny Hackleton's Gatling gun

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Occurs at The Investigation Thrillingly Concludes! while Investigating a Plaintive Telegram (Wagon Train Escort Wanted).

Notes

• Normal attacks fail with the following message:

You can't bring yourself to hit an old lady.

• Similarly, no skills can be used in this fight:

You can't bring yourself to use that skill against an old lady.

• You may only use combat items, and each item can only be used once during the fight, giving the message:

Granny says "Say, that was a nice-looking combat item! You got any more of those?"

• Attempting to use an item for the second time in the fight gives the message:

You didn't like the way she was looking at the last one of those things you used.

• Some combat items cannot be used at all, giving the message:

That combat item is pretty nice -- Granny would just steal it if you tried using it on her.

• Most combat items with high potential or scaling damage are banned, as are (all?) items with no autosell price. The list includes but is not limited to: pufferfish spine; candycaine powder; shrinking powder; ballpark hot daub; divine favors; love songs, summoned dice; poltergeist-in-the-jar-o; merc clips; shard of double-ice; cursed voodoo skulls, cannonballs, and dirty joke scrolls; hot ashes; death blossom; cinnamon, grape, and blue raspberry troll dolls; New Cloaca-Cola; Rain-Doh items; little red book, nasty-smelling moss, unstable laser battery, Pecos Dave's sixgun, Miniborg Destroy-O-Bot, grass clippings, dangerous jerkcicle, pint of sweat, and sawblade fragment.

• Familiars do not act during the fight, instead leaving the message:

Your familiar nuzzles up to Granny and falls asleep in her lap. Aww.

• Her immunity to familiars doesn't apply to certain items like the oversized fish scaler
• She also has a lot of (soft) damage reduction.
• This monster cannot be copied.
• An unarmed Cow Puncher can attack normally.
• Some good items that aren't banned and do passive damage are: gas can, old school beer pull tab, cold mashed potatoes, paint bomb, crazy hobo notebook, bag of gross foreign snacks, possessed tomato, hand grenegg, Colon Annihilation Hot Sauce, jagged scrap metal, jigsaw blade, throwing fork, dinner roll, whole turkey leg, skull with a fuse in it, and nastygeist.
• Some good effects for passive damage: Barfpits, Coal-Powered, Stinkybeard, Permanent Halloween, Biologically Shocked, Skeletal Cleric, Skeletal Wizard, Skeletal Warrior, Jalapeño Saucesphere, Psalm of Pointiness and Scarysauce
• Some good items for passive damage: double-ice cap, cup of infinite pencils, dubious loincloth, ironic oversized sunglasses, MagiMechTech NanoMechaMech, cannonball charrrm bracelet and ant pick or tiny bowler

Strategy

• A good strategy is to use passive damage effects and equipment to bypass the combat limitations.
  • Combat items like paint bombs that initiate passive damage are also useful. A small golem will do 10% enemy HP in damage every round, albeit reduced to 5% by Granny's damage cap.
  • If used before combat on another enemy in the area both these items deal damage: crazy hobo notebook and bag of gross foreign snacks
• If you're anticipating a lengthy fight (and not relying on stinging damage), you can use strong deleveling combat items to avoid taking damage for the rest of the fight.