Guard turtle

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Guard turtle
Monster ID 782
Locations The Outer Compound
Hit Points 140
Attack 140
Defense 126
Initiative 140
Meat None
Phylum beast
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts leg, head, shell
guard turtle shell, guard turtle collar
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
guard turtle You're fighting a guard turtle

Stella's insidious brainwashing has turned this normally-peaceful turtle into a slavering, violent beast. Not a particularly fast one, but if it catches up to you, you're in trouble.

Whoops! Looks like it just caught up to you. Sorry, I should have warned you sooner.

Hit Message(s):

It takes off its shell and wings it at you. The shell smacks into you, making you see stars. For a second, you feel like you're half as tall as you ought to be. Argh! Ugh! Eek!

It stomps a little triangular pattern into your <bung>. Ow! Ugh! Ow!

Aw, snap, it just snapped your <thigh>. Argh! Ugh! Ugh!

Since it's not a ninja turtle, it can't karate-kick you, so it just gnaws on your shins instead. Oof! Ow! Ouch!

Critical Hit Message:

It tries to see how many licks it takes to get to the center of your torso, but gives up after thirty or so and just bites you in half, instead. Oof! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Miss Message(s):

It tries to snap you, but misses, so you mock the turtle.

It tries to stomp a little triangle into your <elbow>, but wasn't programmed correctly.

It tries to roundhouse-kick you, but isn't a ninja enough turtle.

It slips off its shell to throw at you, but stops when you laugh at its nekkid turtle body.

Fumble Message:

It stops to see how many licks it takes to get to the center of your torso. Around lick number thirty or so, it starts to tickle, so you shove the turtle away. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Guardshell.gifYou acquire an item: guard turtle shell (x% chance)*
Spikycollar.gifYou acquire an item: guard turtle collar (X% chance)*

Occurs in The Outer Compound


  • Images are randomly any of the following:



  • Taking off its shell to hit you (and being half height afterwards) is a Super Mario Brothers reference.
  • The mentions of drawing triangles is a reference to Logo programming, specifically the Turtle graphics aspect of it.
  • Ninja turtles, 'nuff said.
  • Mr. Turtle was one of the animals spoken to in a classic Tootsie Pop commercial, which dealt with a certain amount of licking. And biting.
  • 'Mock Turtle' is a turtle soup that does not actually contain any turtle, instead substituting beef or other meat.