Hugo Von Douchington

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Hugo Von Douchington
Monster ID 1136
Locations The Glacier of Jerks
Hit Points 75% of Monster Defense
Attack Player's Moxie+2 (min 10, max 150)
Defense Player's Muscle+2 (min 10, max 150)
Initiative 50
Meat None
Phylum dude
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts arm, head, torso
dangerous jerkcicle, half-empty carton of milk
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
Hugo Von Douchington You're fighting Hugo Von Douchington

Stuck up to his waist in the glacier of ice,
Is Hugo Von Douchington, not very nice.
His list of misdeeds brings a chill to my soul:
He'd use up the last of your last t.p. roll,
Then he'd open your gallon of milk, take a drink,
And he'd spit on your counter and pee in your sink.
He'd get drunk and pass out on your couch in a sprawl!
All those he left behind do not miss him at all.

Hit Message(s):

He coughs and he sneezes right into your sleeve!,
You see what that sneeze left and your gut starts to heave. (sleaze damage)

He pukes at your feet, and he doesn't seem fazed,,
When you tell him to clean it up, he looks amazed. (sleaze damage)

He goes for a high five, then he slaps your face hard,
You should have known better! You must be on guard!

He eats two bananas and tosses the peels,
You slip on the ice and freeze down to your heels. (cold damage)

Critical Hit Message:

not known

Miss Message(s):

He asks you for meat, but you won't float a loan,
So he then hits you up for a ride or a phone.

He hits up the other damned souls in the ice,
To loan him some meat, or some rice, or some dice.

He drinks all the milk that he finds in the fridge,
But it wasn't your milk, so you care not a smidge.

He asks you to borrow your best pair of pants,
You point to the ice and glance at him askance.

He blows his nose onto the ice, which is gross,
But lucky for you, you weren't standing too close.

Fumble Message:

not known

After Combat

Jerkcicle.gifYou acquire an item: dangerous jerkcicle (80% chance)*
Jerkcicle.gifYou acquire an item: dangerous jerkcicle (2% chance)*
Milkcarton.gifYou acquire an item: half-empty carton of milk (40% chance)*

Occurs at The Glacier of Jerks.