|Locations||abyssal battle plans|
You examine the battle plans -- they seem to center on a hidden Abyssal portal hidden deep in a cave in the Big Mountains.
You steel your nerves, pack a lunch, and head into the cave. After many hours of fumbling in the darkness (too bad your lunch didn't include a flashlight sandwich!) you find yourself in an immense chamber, dominated by a flickering portal through which you can see a horde of seals, lined up in perfect formation and equipped with sturdy armor and weapons from the forges of Emperor Sparky.
Next to the portal, on your side of reality, sits one of the biggest seals you've ever seen, wearing one of the most important-looking hats you've ever seen. This must be the commander of the invasion force. And you must be the Adventurer who must stop him.
If you're a Seal Clubber:
He sees you and his eyes widen with... could it be fear? He must recognize you as a Seal Clubber.
He notices you and advances on you with malice in his beady little seal eyes.
He pulls a fancy saber out from under a fold of his flabby flesh, and neatly severs your <skull>. Argh! Ooh! Oof!
He quickly scarfs down some rations. Then he does that thing your terrible friends do where he belches and blows it in your face. Ooh! Eek! Ow! (stench damage)
He calls in an air strike from the Infernal Abyss. A squadron of winged seals drop napalm bombs (or maybe burning blubber) on you. Ooh! Oof! Ooh! (hot damage)
He tries to draw a fancy saber, but it gets caught on a fold of his flabby flesh.
He moves to attack you, but takes a break to scarf down some rations.
He calls in an air strike from the Infernal Abyss, but he gets the coordinates wrong and ends up burning down a nearby orphanage instead of hitting you.
As you deliver the final blow, the seal reaches under one of the folds of his disgusting flabby flesh and pulls out a small device. He grins at you as he clumsily slaps a big red button on it, and the next thing you know, you're waking up next to an unfamiliar pile of blackened rocks in the Big Mountains.
You're not entirely sure what happened, but apparently you're some kind of hero, because you won some kind of medal!
|You acquire an item: seal medal (100% chance)*|
Occurs when using abyssal battle plans.
- Has no Monster Manuel factoids.
- Has a hard damage cap of 100 if you are a Seal Clubber, or 50 for all other classes.
- Appears to take only 1 damage from all elemental sources. Physical damage is unaffected apart from the above-mentioned cap.
- Brigadier General
- Master Chief
- Sergeant Major
- Staff Sergeant
- the Abhorrent
- the Bad
- the Beast
- the Beastly
- the Betrayer
- the Dreadful
- the Gruesome
- the Horrible
- the Inevitable
- the Loathsome
- the Monstrous
- the Offensive
- the Rotten
- the Ruiner
- the Terrible
- the Traitor
- the Treacherous
- the Vile