June cleaver

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June cleaver
June cleaver

Your very own cleaver, just like mom used to butcher with.

Type: weapon (1-handed cleaver)
Damage: 10 - 20
Cannot be traded or discarded

All Attributes +10%
Regenerate 6-8 HP and MP per adventure
+5 Adventure(s) per day when equipped
+X Spooky Damage
+X Stench Damage
+X Hot Damage
+X Cold Damage
+X Sleaze Damage

Cannot miss

Gets stronger the more you use it

(In-game plural: June cleavers)
View metadata
Item number: 10920
Description ID: 330396747
View in-game: view

Obtained From

packaged June cleaver


  • "Cannot miss" means will not hit a glancing blow, and will not fumble (unless some effect forces you to fumble).
  • At rollover, elemental damage enchantments reset to +1 each.
  • After combat, gains +1 bonus damage to a "random" elemental damage enchantment, and displays a message about the element's color:
    • As the battle ends, your cleaver flashes bright (color).
    • Out of the corner of your eye, you catch a glimpse of bright (color) light shining from your cleaver.
    • Your cleaver sparkles with a startling (color) color.
    • You notice a glint of (color) on the blade of your cleaver.
  • The elemental enchantments will tend to stay close to equal in power.
  • Is automatically placed in your inventory for you at the beginning of your run, with the message:
    Therefore an adventurer shall leave his sword and shield, and shall cleave unto his cleaver: they shall be of one flesh. -Loathingviticus 4:20
    Junecleaver.gifYou acquire an item: June cleaver

Causes Strange Daydreams

At the end of any resolved combat (win/lose/run away), the cleaver contributes to a hidden progress counter. At 60 progress, a free cleaver-specific noncombat encounter is ready.

  • Each encounter's first three choices reset progress to 0.
  • Choosing instead to Snap out of it! declines the encounter, and resets progress to 45.
    • This choice stops appearing for the day after you've taken it 5 times.
  • The cleaver gains 60, 10, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 2, 2... progress per fight, diminishing based on how many cleaver encounters you've accepted today.
  • The cleaver "remembers" the last six cleaver encounters you've seen, whether they were skipped or not. Your next random cleaver encounter will never be one of the immediately previous six.
Noncombat Adventures Options Results Notes
Aunts not Ants Act rudely so they leave!
You gain 150 Cheek.
Be on your best behavior so you can go later.
You gain 250 Strengthliness.
Sneak out the back door.
Blush.gifYou acquire an effect: Ashamed
(duration: 30 Adventures)
  • +10 Stats Per Fight
  • Muscle -20%
  • Mysticality -20%
  • Moxie -20%
Bath Time Use Mother's hair dryer and towels to dry things up.
You gain 150 Muscleboundness.
Hairwad.gifYou acquire an item: gob of wet hair
Confess to Mother and Father.
Happy.gifYou acquire an effect: Wholesomely Resolved
(duration: 30 Adventures)
  • So-So Spooky Resistance (+2)
  • So-So Stench Resistance (+2)
  • So-So Sleaze Resistance (+2)
  • Damage Reduction: 15
Pretend you don't notice.
Blooddrops.gifYou acquire an effect: Kinda Damp
(duration: 30 Adventures)
  • Serious Hot Resistance (+3)
  • +50% Combat Initiative
Beware of Aligator Come clean to Dad and let him take it to the zoo.
Dog.gifYou acquire an effect: Yapping Pal
(duration: 30 Adventures)
+20 to Monster Level
Claim the housekeeper is drunk.
Snifter.gifYou acquire an item: Dad's brandy
1-potency awesome booze
Ignore the situation and charge your friends admission to see the alligator.
Meat.gifYou gain 1,500 Meat.
Delicious Sprouts Just eat 'em.
You gain 250 Mysteriousness.
Hide them in your napkin.
Guiltysprout.gifYou acquire an item: guilty sprout
1-fullness good food
Go to your room.
You gain 125 Fortitude.
Hypnotic Master Try it on your brother.
Necklace mom.gifYou acquire an item: mother's necklace
  • +3 Adventure(s) per day when equipped
  • Never Fumble
  • Rest at your campsite, 5 times per day without using an Adventure
  • (This works even when it isn't equipped)
Try it on that wiseacre, Eddie.
You gain 250 Beefiness.
Try it on yourself.
SomethingYou acquire an effect: ... something
(duration: 30 Adventures)[[Data:{{{effect}}}]]
SomethingYou acquire an effect: ... something
(duration: 30 Adventures)[[Data:{{{effect}}}]]
(30 each of 2-5 random effects)
Lost and Found Cash in that savings bond from your Aunt!
Bondcert.gifYou acquire an item: savings bond
Potion, gives (30 Earning Interest):
  • +50% Meat from Monsters
Challenge Lumpy's accusations.
Beatenup.gifYou acquire an effect: Beaten Up
(duration: 3 Adventures)
You gain 100 Muscleboundness.
Meat.gifYou gain 250 Meat.
Tell Father what happened.
You gain 250 Enchantedness.
Poetic Justice Hand in the poem your brother wrote
You gain 250 Chutzpah.
Admit that you didn't write anything
You gain 125 Magicalness.
Fake an injury on the playground
Beatenup.gifYou acquire an effect: Beaten Up
(duration: 5 Adventures)
AdventuresYou gain 5 Adventures.
Summer Days Sneak away and watch the movie at a nearby drive-in.
Stompstub.gifYou acquire an item: trampled ticket stub
Potion, gives (30 Feeling Sneaky):
  • Monsters will be less attracted to you
Suck it up and go fishing.
Fishy2.gifYou acquire an item: fire-roasted lake trout
1-fullness good food, gives (50 Fire-Roasted Feelings):
  • Serious Cold Resistance (+3)
  • +15 Hot Damage
Make a cool fort on the small island in the lake.
You gain 250 Cheek.
Teacher's Pet Ignore the situation.
Applesticker.gifYou acquire an effect: Teacher's Pet
(duration: 30 Adventures)
  • So-So Sleaze Resistance (+2)
  • Damage Absorption +50
  • Damage Reduction: 5
Confess your love to Miss Teacher!
Purplepen.gifYou acquire an item: teacher's pen
  • +3 Stat(s) Per Fight
  • +2 Familiar Experience Per Combat
Prank the teacher to get your friends off your case.
You gain 125 Strongness.


You smack your opponent with the handle of your cleaver. It's not as sharp as the blade, but it still deals X damage. SMACK! ZAP! BONK!
You lay your opponent on a cutting board and whack them with your cleaver, dealing X damage. KAPOW! SPLAT! WHAM!
You cleave your foe for X damage. WHAM! KAPOW! BIFF!


  • June Cleaver is the name of the mother character in Leave It to Beaver, a black-and-white television sitcom that originally ran from 1957 to 1963.
  • The Strange Daydreams themselves are all references to specific episodes of this sitcom, written from the perspective of Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver. See the choice adventures' wiki pages for details.


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