Killer Festive Laser-Calibrating Elfbot

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Killer Festive Laser-Calibrating Elfbot
Monster ID unknown
Locations The Crimborg Collective Factory
Hit Points Equal to player HP
Attack Scales with player stats
Defense Scales with player stats
Initiative Indeterminate
Meat None
Phylum Indeterminate
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts Indeterminate
capacitor relay, carbon nanotube frame, Feynman gate, high-resistance ultrapolymer plating, ion grid, logic synthesizer
Quest flask of peppermint oil
refreshedit data
Killer Festive Laser-Calibrating Elfbot You're fighting a Killer Festive Laser-Calibrating Elfbot

This is one of the killer robots from the future, (mostly) reprogrammed by the Crimborg to help make fun, futuristic toys. This particular robot is in charge of calibrating the lasers. That may not seem like an important job, but a well-calibrated laser is the difference between a laser-powered beard trimmer and a laser-powered self-decapitation device.

Hit Message(s):

It fires a couple of rounds at you from his gun arm. Looks like it *is* a gun, and is not superman. Happy Crimbo! Ooh! Argh! Oof! Ow!

It extrudes a liquid-metal sharp pointy thing and stabs you in the <face>. Ooh! Ugh! Eek!

It stomps on you with its big metal feet. That's no mean feat, but it is a pair of mean feet. Argh! Argh! Ow!

It crushes your <groin> in its calipers. That's gonna leave a mark. Happy Crimbo! Ugh! Ow! Ooh!

Critical Hit Message:

It sears you with a (well-calibrated) laser blast from its eyes. It's got laser eyes! It knows what you're thinking! Comes as no surprise! Crimbo lights are blinking! Ouch! Ugh! Ugh! Ow!

Miss Message(s):

It fires at you with its gun arm, but misses. Looks like it hasn't calibrated its targeting lasers.

It tries to morph into another deadly shape, but gets stuck midway through the transformation.

It tries to stomp on you with its big metal feet, but you find it a trivial feat to dodge them.

It tries to crush you in its calipers, but you don't wanna be crushed, buried in fear, or left for töt.

Fumble Message:

It tries to fire a laser blast from its eyes, but is hauled away by a big, hairy, redneck sherrif and his dumb, scrawny partner. No more laserblasting for you, young man. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Device1.gifYou acquire an item: capacitor relay (7.4% chance)*
Device2.gifYou acquire an item: carbon nanotube frame (8.2% chance)*
Device3.gifYou acquire an item: ion grid (8.3% chance)*
Device4.gifYou acquire an item: Feynman gate (7.8% chance)*
Device5.gifYou acquire an item: logic synthesizer (8.2% chance)*
Device6.gifYou acquire an item: high-resistance ultrapolymer plating (3.6% chance)*
You gain some <substat>.

Occurred at The Crimborg Collective Factory.


  • The encounter text about a killer robot from the future, reprogrammed for good, the second hit message, and the second miss message are all references to the Terminator series of movies.
  • The first hit message is a reference to the movie The Iron Giant; specifically, the title character's struggle with his innate nature.
  • The critical hit message is a reference to the MTV puppet show Sifl and Olly and its song "I've Got Laser Eyes" (which, absurdly yet appropriately, appears to be a Christmas song)
  • The fumble message is a reference to the movie Laserblast, which was parodied on Mystery Science Theater 3000.
  • The last miss message is a reference to the song "Rappers We Crush" by MC Frontalot featuring KOMPRESSOR. "Tot" (without the umlaut) is German for dead.