Legstrong™ stationary bicycle
|Legstrong™ stationary bicycle|
|Locations||The Inner Wolf Gym|
|Hit Points||75% of Monster Defense|
|Attack||Player's Moxie +3 (min 50, max 1000)|
|Defense||Player's Muscle +3 (min 50, max 1000)|
This is a bike that you ride and get nowhere, to go with your treadmill you run on to get nowhere and the stairclimber that lets you climb infinite stairs to nowhere. At least with the bike, though, you get to sit down while you're not making progress.
And once you learn how to ride it, you'll never forget how. Because it's impossible to tip the thing over.
You let go of the handlebars, congratulate yourself on your expert balance, then fall forward and skin your nose on the belt looped around the front wheel. Eek! Oof!
You pedal backwards for a while, then your feet slip off the pedals and they spin wildly, whacking your shins. Argh! Ooh!
You stand up and pedal, then manage to pitch yourself over the handlebars. Eek! Oof!
You pedal a little too hard and hit yourself in the chin with your knee. Ooh! Oof!
Your foot slips off the pedal, and the pedal spins around and whacks you in the Achilles tendon. Ugh! Eek!
The seat on the bike wasn't tightened properly, and it suddenly drops a few inches, stopping with a butt-bruising thump. Oof! Ugh!
You stand up on the pedals, lean too far forward, and tip over, taking the whole bike with you in a somersault that ends with you beneath the entire machine. Eek! Eek!
You let go of the handlebars for a while, and contemplate growing a handlebar mustache.
You pedal backwards for a while, simulating coasting on a real bicycle. It's not the most purposeful thing you've ever done.
You stand up on the pedals, lean into the non-existent wind, and pretend you're in the Tour de Knob.
You pedal like a guy who wants to be in a bicycle race.
You pedal like a guy who wants to ride his bicycle.
You pedal like a guy who can ride a bike with no handlebars. With no handlebars. With no handlebars.
You stop to decline an offer of performance-enhancing potions from a guy with huge thigh muscles and really spindly arms. (FUMBLE!)
|You acquire an item: sweatband (% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: ankleweights (% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: sweat socks (% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: pint of sweat (% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: Jerks' Health™ Magazine (% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: Five Second Energy™ (% chance)*|
Occurs at The Inner Wolf Gym.