Mercenary of Fortune
|Mercenary of Fortune|
|Locations||The Deep Dark Jungle|
|Hit Points||75% of Defense|
|Monster Parts||arm, head, leg, torso|
As you turn a corner, you almost bump into a whip-thin, wiry guy draped in more guns and ammo than a munitions dump. He jumps and shrieks, spinning around, but when he sees you that initial scare turns into anger. "Halt and I'll fire!" he says.
"Um, don't you mean, 'halt OR I'll fire?'" you ask.
"Nah, I'm going to fire no matter what. It'll just make it easier to hit you if you hold still."
"But I'm not part of whatever weird government stuff is going on here!" you protest. "I'm just an adventurer!"
"Look. My anonymous employers gave me a briefcase full of dense meat stacks and told me two things: shoot everything that moves, and if it still moves, shoot it again until it stops."
"So what you're saying is I shouldn't move?" you say.
"Too late. I saw you move earlier. But yeah, don't move so it's easier to shoot you."
He runs up and stabs you with a bayonet. It's that kind of personal attention to murder that really distinguishes a good mercenary. Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!
He fires short, controlled bursts of automatic gunfire at you, nearly severing your <calf>. Eek! Oof! Eek!
He fires some armor-piercing bullets at you. You don't have much armor on your <neck>, anyway, so they pierce you very effectively. Ouch! Ow! Ugh!
He throws a grenade at you. He forgot to pull the pin, but it still bonks your head something fierce. Ow! Oof! Argh!
He throws a grenade at you. You throw it back. You play hot potato for a few seconds, and you lose. Ugh! Oof! Ooh!
He fires a rocket-propelled grenade at you, really putting the RPG in your RPG. It explodes, and you explode, and it takes you a minute to pull yourself back together. Ooh! Argh! Ooh!
He throws a pin at you. It bounces harmlessly off your forehead. Then he stares in horror at his other hand.
He fires some armor-piercing bullets at you, but they hit on a part where you don't have armor so they just stop.
He tries to stab you with his bayonet, but you block it with a coronet.
He throws a grenade at you. You pull the pin and throw it back.
He fires long, uncontrolled bursts of machine gun fire until his gun jams.
He fires a flamethrower at you, but you can't stand the heat, so you don't stand in front of the flamethrower.
His knees start to buckle under all of the firearms and ammunition magazines he's carrying. You pick up a pebble off the ground and toss it on top of his head, which makes him collapse to the ground. (FUMBLE!)
|You gain 23 Meat.|
|You acquire an item: camouflage T-shirt (% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: specialty ammo bandolier (% chance)*|
- Among the mercenary's possessions, you find a shiny coin.
|You acquire an item: Coinspiracy (% chance)*|
Occurs at The Deep Dark Jungle.
- The first five Coins-spiracy in a day are guaranteed, but after that the drop rate quickly starts to fall off.