Next-generation Frat Boy

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Next-generation Frat Boy
Monster ID	516
Locations	The Battlefield (War Hippy Fatigues)
Hit Points	200
Attack	190
Defense	171
No-Hit	200
Initiative	20
Meat	120-180
Phylum	orc
Elements	sleaze
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	head, arm, leg, torso
Drops beaten-up Chucks, beer helmet, bejeweled pledge pin, distressed denim pants, kick-ass kicks, white class ring
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting a Next-generation Frat Boy

This frat boy finally noticed that the sorority orcs weren't going for backwards red baseball caps and angsty rap-metal anymore, so he's learned a couple of new tricks. He's wearing two polo shirts of different colors with the collars popped up, and he's replaced his red baseball cap with a sheaf of hair that looks like a haystack got hit with an oil slick. His angry white-boy squint has evolved into a sensitive, soulful stare, and he's equally as likely to burst into tears as he is to kick some ass.

Sadly, none of these changes makes him any nicer -- he's simply traded in one obnoxious persona tied to horrendous music for another.

Hit Message(s):

He whips you with his unruly hair. You feel a little like an Alaskan penguin. Ow! Ouch! Oof! (sleaze damage)

He whips out a paddle and whacks you with it, then cries because he's given in to the cycle of violence. Ugh! Argh!

He engages in some screaming/crying singing. Your ears bleed. Oof! Ugh! Ooh!

He talks about his feelings and how he's really sensitive deep down. When you don't buy it, he punches you in the <knee>. Argh! Ugh! Ouch!

Critical Hit Message:

He grabs a nearby acoustic guitarrr and starts singing a sad song about his unfortunate haircut. "My hair is everywhere, screaming infidelities and nobody cares..." he screams and cries until you knock yourself out to escape. Ooh! Ugh! Ooh! Argh! Ooh!

Miss Message(s):

He tries to whip you with his unruly hair, but you rule out getting hit by it.

He tries to frat-paddle you. Some things never change.

He sings a screamy, weepy song about how his girlfriend left him. You tune him out.

He talks about his feelings. You're bored, but unhurt.

Fumble Message:

You point out that, makeover or not, he's still a privileged suburban white-boy who has a trust fund and the personality of moldy cottage cheese. He bursts into tears again. (FUMBLE!)

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After Combat

You gain 120-180 Meat (average: 150, stdev: 12.65)*

You acquire an item: beaten-up Chucks (100% chance)*

You acquire an item: white class ring (100% chance)*

You acquire an item: kick-ass kicks (?% chance)*

You acquire an item: beer helmet (?% chance)*

You acquire an item: bejeweled pledge pin (?% chance)*

You acquire an item: distressed denim pants (?% chance)*

You gain 47-48? <substat>.

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Occurs at The Battlefield (War Hippy Fatigues).

Notes

• This monster cannot be copied.
• Occurs between 501 and 600 frat casualties, if at all.

References

• Resembles a stereotypical emo kid, complete with Chuck Taylor All-Stars.
• Also, perhaps, intended to resemble a person subscribing to "Prep" fashion.
• The hit message referencing "Screaming Infidelities" is a reference to the song of the same name by Dashboard Confessional.
• The hit message about feeling like an Alaskan penguin is a reference to the Chiodos song "There's No Penguins in Alaska".