One-Eyed Willie

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One-Eyed Willie
Monster ID 178
Locations The Hole in the Sky
Hit Points 150
Attack 150
Defense 150
No-Hit 160
Initiative 70
Meat None
Phylum constellation
Elements sleaze
Resistance None
Monster Parts eye, head, star
line, line, star
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
One-Eyed Willie You're fighting One-Eyed Willie

This constellation resembles a face with one eye. His single eye gleams with knowledge. Perhaps it's the knowledge of where all the rich stuff is. Or perhaps it's not knowledge at all, but the sustained fusion of the gases that make up the star.

Hit Message(s):

He winks at you suggestively. You feel a stabbing pain in your <kidney>. Ugh! Argh! Ooh! Ouch! Ooh! Ouch! (sleaze damage)

His one eye starts emitting microwave radiation. Your <shins> starts boiling. Oof! Eek! Ugh! Ouch! Ow! Oof!

He smiles at you and licks his lips. You feel a stabbing pain in your <ear>. Eek! Ooh! Ouch! Ooh! Ow! Ow! (sleaze damage)

Critical Hit Message:

He flies toward you, which is not something you expect a constellation to do. You feel the burning pain of at least 14 suns as they pass through you. Man, that really sucked. Oof! Eek! Ow! Ugh! Ugh! Eek! (hot damage)

Miss Message(s):

He winks at you suggestively, but you prefer to believe it's just a one-eyed blink.

He starts to emit microwave radiation, but you counter with macrowave radiation.

He tries to lick his lips suggestively, but doesn't have a tongue. Or, y'know, lips.

Fumble Message:

His one eye suddenly goes supernova! You douse it with champagne, temporarily blinding One-Eyed Willie. Maybe now you can find his rich stuff. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Line.gifYou acquire an item: line (30% chance)*
Line.gifYou acquire an item: line (30% chance)*
Star.gifYou acquire an item: star (30% chance)*
You gain 29.8 <substat>.

Occurs at The Hole in the Sky.


  • In the 1985 movie, The Goonies, the gang searches for the legendary lost treasure ("rich stuff") of the pirate, "One-Eyed" Willie. This is referenced in the intro and the fumble message.
  • The critical miss message also references the song Champagne Supernova by Oasis.
  • A One-Eyed Willie is the description of a penis seen from the front. In British English the word "willy" is used as a childish term for the penis so this isn't that euphemistic.