Orcish Frat Boy Spy
|Orcish Frat Boy Spy|
|Locations||The Hippy Camp (Verge of War) (in Filthy Hippy Disguise or War Hippy Fatigues)|
|Monster Parts||head, arm, leg, torso|
This is a frat boy in a thoroughly unconvincing hippy disguise. His dreads are made out of knitted yarn, his phatty beads have dollar signs instead of peace signs on them, and he smells more like cheap after-shave and desperation than old sweat and patchouli oil. He sees you've penetrated his disguise and whips out his frat-paddle, ready to do battle and paddle you 'til you're addled. Bitter paddle addle battle.
He notices that a paddle is basically just a thin bludgeon, and bludgeons you over the head with it. Ugh! Ow! Ow! Argh!
He shouts "give me something to break!", then breaks your <shoulder>. Ugh! Eek! Argh! Ow!
He tries so hard, and gets so far, and in the end he hits you in the skull. Ow! Ow! Argh! Ow!
It's been awhile since you could say you didn't just get hit in the head. Ow! Ouch! Ouch! Ugh!
He frat-paddles you right in the place a paddle usually hits. You feel slightly bruised and slightly violated. Ouch! Oof! Ooh! Oof!
He pulls back with his frat-paddle, takes a few practice swings, and delivers a thorough beat-down to parts of your body that should never be hit with a paddle. And since you're not a frat boy, that includes your butt, as well. Argh! Oof! Ooh! Ouch!
He tries to bludgeon you with his paddle, but you back up a smidgen.
He shouts, "give me something to break!", but can't find anything that looks breakable.
He smacks you with the paddle, but you've become so numb you can't feel him there.
He tries to frat-paddle you, but you refuse to bend over. Wisely refuse, that is.
He steps back and adjusts his grip on his paddle, then takes a few practice swings. He frowns, chokes up on the paddle, swings it again, tests the wind for speed and direction, and finally assumes his attack stance again. (FUMBLE!)
|You acquire an item: beer helmet (30% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: bejeweled pledge pin (30% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: distressed denim pants (30% chance)*|
|You gain 41-42 <substat>.|
- 'Bitter paddle addle battle' is likely a reference to Dr. Seuss's Fox In Socks, and specifically the rhyme near the end of the book about tweedle beetle battles.
- Two messages refer to Linkin Park songs:
- The message "Give me something to break!" refers to the Limp Bizkit song Break Stuff.