Plastered Can of Cranberry Sauce

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Plastered Can of Cranberry Sauce
Monster ID 1067
Locations Appears about every 30 adventures on Drunksgiving
Hit Points 75% of Player HP
Attack Player's Buffed Moxie - 3
Defense Player's Buffed Muscle - 3
Initiative Indeterminate
Meat None
Phylum Indeterminate
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts Indeterminate
Drops
cranberry schnapps
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
Plastered Can of Cranberry Sauce You're fighting a Plastered Can of Cranberry Sauce

There are actually three schools of thought on cranberry sauce: one prefers a kind of applesauce thing made of smashed cranberries and oranges, one insists on a gummy, cranberry-flavored gelatin, and one would never know, because he ain't eatin' no cranberries.

All of them agree, though, that when a demonically possessed can of cranberry sauce drinks its body weight in green beer, no good can come of it.

Hit Message(s):

It slurs insults about your mother. You can just make them out enough to get your feelings hurt. Ow! Ow! Oof!

It levitates a few inches off the ground, full of demonic fury, then hiccups and lands square on your toe. Ugh! Ooh! Ow!

It hits you twice with its can butt, because it's seeing double. Eek! Ugh! Argh!

It spins its can lid around 360 degrees and vomits acidic goo on you. You're not sure whether to blame the booze or the demon. Eek! Ow! Ouch!

Critical Hit Message:

The demon forgets it's currently possessing a can and tries to drunkenly make out with you, which involves repeatedly bashing you in the face with its metal body. Ow! Ugh! Ooh!

Miss Message(s):

It slurs something about your mother and Hey Deze, but you can't make it out enough to be offended.

It starts to levitate, but you give it some aspirin and chant "The power of Boris compels you!" until it calms down.

It tries to hit you with its can, but it's seeing double and hits the wrong you.

It vomits acidic goo. You're not sure if that's the booze or the demon talking.

Fumble Message:

It slumps into the corner, slurring, "I dunno, man. I could have had a shot, y'know, but they jusht woul -- hic -- wouldn't give me a chance, y'know? That'sh not fair, y'know? (FUMBLE!)


After Combat

Shot.gifYou acquire an item: cranberry schnapps
You gain some <substat>.

Occurs at random locations during Drunksgiving. Scales to the player's stats.

Notes

  • This monster cannot be copied.