Pork Sword

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Pork Sword
Monster ID 182
Locations The Hole in the Sky
Hit Points 150
Attack 162
Defense 145
No-Hit 172
Initiative 70
Meat None
Phylum constellation
Elements sleaze
Resistance None
Monster Parts blade, hilt, star
line, star, star
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
Pork Sword You're fighting The Pork Sword

This constellation resembles one of the legendary swords forged by the Pork Elves, in the Times of Old.

Hit Message(s):

It slices you like a ham, which is kind of ironic. Oof! Argh! Ouch! Ugh! Argh! Ouch!

It stabs you in the <arse> with its hammy point. Ow! Ooh! Oof! Ouch! Ooh! Ugh! (sleaze damage)

It smacks you in the <neck> with its hilt. It darn near kilt you. Ouch! Ow! Oof! Oof! Ugh! Ugh! (sleaze damage)

Critical Hit Message:

It swings through the air almost faster than your eye can follow -- slicing here, dicing there, pruning over there... when it's done, you look a little like a topiary sculpture, except those usually aren't bleeding. Usually. Argh! Eek! Ugh! Ow! Oof! Ugh! Ow! Ow! (sleaze damage)

Miss Message(s):

It tries to slice you like a ham, but you block like an egyptian.

It tries to stab you in the <lower back>, but you parry.

It tries to smack you with its hilt, but you block it with a nearby kilt.

Fumble Message:

It swings toward you at the blinding SPEED OF LIGHT. It fails to calculate, however, that it is technically impossible for anything to go faster than the speed of light, and once it does that, it winks out of existence. It's quickly replaced, though. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Line.gifYou acquire an item: line (30% chance)*
Star.gifYou acquire an item: star (30% chance)*
Star.gifYou acquire an item: star (30% chance)*
You gain 23? <substat>.

Occurs at The Hole in the Sky.


  • The line "block like an egyptian" from the first unsuccessful attack message is a reference to the Bangles song, "Walk Like an Egyptian".
  • "It's quickly replaced, though" in the fumble message may be a reference to the Auditors from the Discworld series. A few times in the series, an Auditor accidentally uses an individual pronoun and promptly ceases to exist, only to be replaced immediately by another just like it.
  • The fumble message about "it is technically impossible for anything to go faster than the speed of light" refers to the Theory of Relativity in Quantum Physics.