Quest Log

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Elemental Airport and Grimstone mask quests
Quest Log

mo Your Quest Log is a large fallen tree in your Campground that helps keeps track of your questing status. It was added to the campground and top menu on February 8, 2006.

Quests can be categorized as either Council Quests, Guild Quests, or Other Quests. The list of quests is initially divided into four sections: [current quests], [completed quests], [other accomplishments], and a [notes] section for the player to edit. Two additional sections, [Monster Manuel] and [hobo code binder], are available if you have acquired a Monster Manuel or found at least one hobo glyph, respectively.

The [notes] section enables players to save important pieces of information, such as demon names, ballroom song setting, last semi-rare, recipes, item effects, or perhaps your girlfriend's phone number a good strategy for defeating The Bonerdagon. Players can also create a one-line reminder to themselves to be displayed when they log in, by prefixing the text with "reminder:". Text may be added to the notes by using the /note chat command.

Quest Text

Council Quests

  • Toot! (After having ascended at least once)
  • (In between) Go to your inventory and read the letter from King Ralph.
  • [Current] Find a mosquito larva in the Spooky Forest (in the Distant Woods).
  • (In between) Return to the Council of Loathing with the mosquito larva.
  • [Completed] You delivered a mosquito larva to the Council of Loathing. Nice work!
  • [Current] Go talk to the owner of the Typical Tavern in the Distant Woods
  • (In between) Explore the cellar of the Typical Tavern and find the source of the rats.
  • (In between) Return to Bart Ender in the Typical Tavern.
  • [Completed] You've solved the rat problem at the Typical Tavern. Way to go!
  • [Current] Find and defeat the Boss Bat, in the Bat Hole on the Nearby Plains.
  • (In between) Continue searching for the Boss Bat in the Bat Hole.
  • (In between) Defeat the Boss Bat, in the Bat Hole.
  • (In between) Take the Boss Bat bandana back to the Council.
  • [Completed] You have slain the Boss Bat. Huzzah!
  • [Current] Find your way inside Cobb's Knob, in the Nearby Plains.
  • (In between) Find your way inside Cobb's Knob, in the Nearby Plains. Maybe that encryption key you found will help.
  • (In between) Find some way to infiltrate the Throne Room of Cobb's Knob and defeat the Goblin King.
  • [Completed] You have slain the Goblin King. Good job!
  • [Current] Talk to the Deep Fat Friars in the Distant Woods.
  • (In between) Recover the ritual items from the Copse of the Deep Fat Friars:
* The Dark Elbow
* The Dark Heart
* The Dark Neck
  • (In between) Perform the ritual to cleanse the taint from the Copse of the Deep Fat Friars.
  • [Completed] You have cleansed the taint of the Deep Fat Friars. Congratulations!
  • [Current] Get rid of the evil in The Cyrpt.
Evilometer: X
  • (In between) Go back to the Council of Loathing and inform them of your success.
  • [Completed] You've undefiled the Cyrpt, and defeated the Bonerdagon. Hip, Hip, Hooray!
  • [Current] Go talk to the Trapper on Mt. McLargeHuge.
  • (In between) The Trapper wants:
* 3 wedges of goat cheese
* 3 chunks of <asbestos/linoleum/chrome> ore
  • (In between) The Trapper wants you to investigate the top of Mt. McLargeHuge
* Get Superhuman cold resistance
* Find your way to the Icy Peak
  • (In between) You're ready to ascend to the Icy Peak of Mt. McLargeHuge and investigate the source of all the chaos and mists and whatnot.
  • (In between) You're very close to figuring out what's going on at the Icy Peak of Mt. McLargeHuge...
  • (In between) You have slain Groar, the source of the mists and chaos. Take his fur back to the Trapper, who is sure to give you some sort of reward.
  • [Completed] You have helped the Trapper, and brought (relatively speaking) peace to Mt. McLargeHuge. Shazam!
  • [Current] Find a way across the Orc Chasm.
  • (In between) Finish building a bridge across the Orc Chasm.
  • (In between) Speak to the Highland Lord in The Highlands
  • (In between) The Highland Lord wants you to light three signal fires:
* A-boo Peak (currently X% haunted)
* Twin Peak (mysterious!)
* Oil Peak (current pressure: X μB/Hg)
  • (In between) You've built a bridge over the Orc Chasm, and now you should go talk to Black Angus, the Highland Lord.
He's in a tower in the Highlands. It's in the Big Mountains, past the Orc Chasm.
  • (In between) The Highland Lord wants you to light his three signal fires in the Highlands.
You should check out A-Boo Peak and see what's going on there./You should keep clearing the ghosts out of A-Boo Peak so you can reach the signal fire. It is currently X% haunted./You've lit the fire on A-Boo Peak.
You need to solve the mystery of Twin Peak and figure out how to light the signal fire/You need to solve the mystery of Twin Peak and figure out how to light the signal fire./You've lit the fire on Twin Peak.
You should go to Oil Peak and investigate the signal fire there./You should keep killing oil monsters until the pressure on the peak drops enough for you to reach the signal fire. The pressure is currently Y microbowies per Mercury./You've lit the fire on Oil Peak.
  • (In between) You've lit all the signal fires! Go see Black Angus, the Highland Lord, in his tower in the Highlands.
  • [Completed] You helped Black Angus, the Highland Lord, get a pizza delivered to his stupid tower in the stupid Highlands. Yaaaaay.
  • [Current] Climb the beanstalk you just planted on the Nearby Plains.
  • (In between) Seek out the Four Spirits on the Penultimate Fantasy Airship.
  • (In between) Seek out the remaining Spirit on the Penultimate Fantasy Airship.
  • (In between) Deliver the Four Spirits to the guy on the Penultimate Fantasy Airship.
  • (In between) Explore the Castle to find the source of the giant garbage.
  • (In between) Find some way to get on top of the kitchen counter in the Castle.
  • (In between) Go back to the Council and tell them you took care of the garbage problem.
  • [Completed] You have stopped the rain of giant garbage in the Nearby Plains. Slick!
  • [Current] The Council has instructed you to collect your father's archaeology notes from Distant Lands, and use them to hunt down the Holy MacGuffin. Your first step is to find the Black Market, to get some forged ID.
  • (In between) You've found the Black Market... now to hit the Travel Agency and get yourself on a slow boat to China. I mean, Distant Lands.
  • (In between) You've picked up your father's diary, and things just got a whole lot more complicated. Oh dear.
  • Black to the Future
  • [Current] Seek out the Black Market in the Black Forest.
  • (In between) Keep exploring the Black Forest until you find the Black Market.
  • (In between) Take the identification documents to the travel agency on Desert Beach.
  • (In between) Read your father's MacGuffin diary.
  • Gotta Worship Them All
  • [Current] Search the Hidden Temple for the carving from your father's diary.
  • (In between) You've cunningly evaded one of the Hidden Temple's traps. But what else lies in store? cue ominous music
  • (In between) Having proved that you ain't no hollaback girl, there's just one more trap to go. Pity dad never got around to translating that last passage...
  • (In between) Solve the mystery of the Hidden City.
  • Curses!
  • Find the Thrice-Cursed Penthouse.
  • Doctor!
  • Infiltrate the operating room in the Hidden Hospital.
  • Serious Business
  • Find the McClusky file in the Hidden Office Building.
  • Oh, Spare me
  • Find the ghost from your vision in the Hidden Bowling Alley.
  • [Completed] You've defeated the ancient ghost of an ancient mummy of an ancient high priest and claimed his ancient amulet! Go you!
  • In a Manor of Spooking
  • [Current] Your father's notes indicate that the gem from the Staff of Ed is probably hidden in a Seaside Town mansion. At a guess, you figure Spookyraven Manor is probably your best bet.
  • (In between) You've unlocked the wine cellar in Spookyraven Manor. What are the chances there's a secret door hidden somewhere? Yeah, probably about one in one.
  • (In between) You've found Lord Spookyraven's secret black magic laboratory. When you're done with him, he'll be doing black and blue magic.
  • (In between) Enter the chamber and confront Lord Spookyraven.
  • [Completed] You've defeated Lord Spookyraven and claimed the Eye of Ed! Huzzah!
  • Never Odd Or Even
  • [Current] If you're going to get the Staff of Fats, it looks like the first step is to get into the Palindome. Maybe it has something to do with that amulet your father mentioned in his diary? That password looks important, too.
  • (In between) Search for the Staff of Fats in The Palindome.
  • (In between) Well, you found the Staff of Fats, but then you lost it again. Good going. Looks like you're going to have to track down this Mr. Alarm guy for help...
  • (In between) Mr. Alan Alarm has agreed to help you nullify Dr. Awkward's ineptitude field (patent pending), but wants some wet stew in return. Those ingredients again: lion oil, a bird rib, and some stunt nuts. Sounds delicious!
You could also check party boobytraps in the palindome -- Mr. Alarm says those are sometimes baited with the stuff.
  • (In between) Oh yeah, you've got the Mega Gem, and are ready to deliver some pain to Dr. Awkward. They call you the bus driver, because you're gonna beat the hell out of that guy.
  • [Completed] Congratulations, you've recovered the long-lost Staff of Fats!
Nice Work!
  • Just Deserts
  • [Current] Explore the Arid, Extra-Dry Desert to find the pyramid mentioned in your father's journal.
  • (In between) Explore the Arid, Extra-Dry Desert to find the pyramid mentioned in your father's journal. (X% explored)
  • (In between) Explore the Arid, Extra-Dry Desert to find the pyramid mentioned in your father's journal. (X% explored)
The Fremegn Gnasir will help you explore if you bring him:
* a stone rose from the nearby Oasis.
* a banshee's killing jar
* a can of black paint
* the 15 pages of his worm-riding manual (you have X)
  • (In between) You've earned your hooks and are ready to ride the worm. Literally, not in the South-of-the-Border sense.
  • (In between) One excitingly-described worm-ride later, you've found the little pyramid with the map of Seaside Town inside. Looks like you're going to need the Staff of Ed to get the location of the Holy MacGuffin's hiding place.
  • (In between) You've found the hidden buried pyramid that guards the Holy MacGuffin. You're so close you can almost taste it! (In a figurative sense, I mean -- I don't recommend you go around licking things you find in ancient tombs.)
  • [Completed] The mighty Ed the Undying has fallen! You recovered the Holy MacGuffin! Jolly good show, mate!
  • [Completed] You've handed the Holy MacGuffin over to the Council, and enjoyed a ticker-tape parade in your honor. That quest was so ridiculous, it wasn't even funny, and now it's over! Hooray!
  • Of Mice and Shen
  • [Current] Go to the Copperhead Club and find Shen, the man mentioned in your father's diary.
  • (In between) Recover <The Sacred Whatever> Somewhere.
  • (In between) Take <The Sacred Whatever> back to the Copperhead Club.
  • [Completed] You retrieved half of the Talisman o' Namsilat from Shen Copperhead. Nice!.
  • Merry-Go-Ron
  • [Current] Search for Ron Copperhead on the Red Zeppelin.
  • (In between) Fight your way through the mob of zeppelin protesters.
  • [Completed] You recovered half of the Talisman o' Namsilat from Ron Copperhead. Brilliant!.
  • [Current] The Council has gotten word of tensions building between the hippies and the frat boys on the Mysterious Island of Mystery.
They suspect that the two factions are about to go to war, and they want to make sure it's a big war. They want you to head down there and see if you can't stir up some trouble.
  • (In between) You've managed to get the war between the hippies and frat boys started, and now the Council wants you to finish it.
You can aid the war effort by fighting on the Battlefield, or you can help out some of the other residents of the island in the hopes that they'll aid the side you're fighting for.
  • [Completed] You led the filthy hippies to victory in the Great War. For Gaia!
  • [Completed] You led the Orcish frat boys to victory in the Great War. For The Horde!
  • [Completed] You started a chain of events that led the pirates to annihilate both the hippies and the frat boys in the Great War. Toasty!
  • [Current] Go investigate the weird contest taking place at the Naughty Sorceress' Tower.
  • (In between) Defeat the other entrants in the Naughty Sorceress' Contests.
Contest #1: (not yet entered)/X competitors left/Won!
Contest #2: (not yet entered)/X competitors left/Won!
Contest #3: (not yet entered)/X competitors left/Won!
  • (In between) Go talk to the contest official at the Naughty Sorceress' Tower.
  • (In between) You're the big winner! Attend your coronation in the courtyard of the Naughty Sorceress' Tower.
  • (In between) Make your way through the treacherous hedge maze at the Naughty Sorceress' Tower.
  • (In between) Get through the door at the base of the Naughty Sorceress' Tower.
  • (In between) Ascend the Naughty Sorceress' Tower.
  • (In between) Confront the Naughty Sorceress.
  • (In between, without wand of Nagamar) ???
  • (In between) You found the wand of Nagamar. Take it back to the Tower and finish off the Sorceress!
  • (In between) Free King Ralph from his prism prison atop the Naughty Sorceress' Tower!
  • (Completed) You freed the Kingdom of the tyranny of the Naughty Sorceress!

Guild Quests

  • [Current] ??????
    • (In between) Gunther wants you to get the biggest sausage you can find in Cobb's Knob.
    • (In between) Take the huge sausage back to Gunther at the Brotherhood of the Smackdown.
  • [Completed] (None)
  • [Current] Go talk to Gorgonzola at the League of Chef-Magi.
    • (In between) Gorgonzola wants you to exorcise a poltersandwich in the Haunted Pantry.
    • (In between) Take the poltersandwich back to Gorgonzola at the League of Chef-Magi.
  • [Completed] (None)
  • [Current] Seek out Shifty at the Department of Shadowy Arts and Crafts.
    • (In between) Shifty wants you to lure yourself into the Sleazy Back Alley and steal your own pants.
    • (In between) Take your pants back to Shifty at the Department of Shadowy Arts and Crafts.
  • [Completed] (None)
  • [Current] Since your Guild's meat car has been lost due to somewhat sketchy circumstances, you need to build a new one. You might be able to find some parts at Degrassi Knoll.
  • [Completed] You've built a new meat car from parts. Impressive!
  • [Current]: Find the road to the White Citadel, somewhere in Whitey's Grove.
    • (In between) You've found the Road to the White Citadel! Now you can begin your quest there.
    • (In between) Make your way through the dark forest near the Road to the White Citadel.
    • (In between) Force your way through X pairs of burnouts near the Road to the White Citadel.
    • (In between) Defeat the terrible biclops guarding the Road to the White Citadel.
    • (In between) Make your way through the dark forest near the Road to the White Citadel.
    • (In between) Get into the witch's hut near the Road to the White Citadel. You could break the door down, but that seems risky. Maybe you can find a key somewhere?
    • (In between) Make your way through the dark forest near the Road to the White Citadel.
    • (In between) Get through the cave full of shiny, delicious, enticing treasure chests near the Road to the White Citadel.
    • (In between) Defeat the final obstacle on your way down the Road to the White Citadel.
    • (In between) Pick up <Paco>'s lunch at the White Citadel.
    • (In between) Take <Paco> his lunch that you picked up at the White Citadel.
  • [Completed] You've delivered a satchel of incredibly greasy food to someone you barely know. Plus, you can now shop at White Citadel whenever you want. Awesome!
  • [Current] You've been tasked with digging up the grave of an ancient and powerful wizard and bringing back a key that was buried with him. What could possibly go wrong?
    • (In between) Well, you got the key and turned it in -- mission accomplished. How much do you wanna bet, though, that they won't be able to find anyone else to search the tower, and you'll be stuck with the dirty work again?
    • (In between) Much as you expected, you've been given back the key to Fernswarthy's tower and ordered to investigate.
    • (In between) You've unlocked Fernswarthy's tower. Now you just have to find something to show your guild leaders, to prove you haven't just been slacking off this whole time.
    • (In between) You've found some stairs in Fernswarthy's tower, but they don't lead to much. Better keep looking.
    • (In between) You've found a trapdoor to Fernswarthy's basement, which is potentially interesting and/or dangerous. It's probably not what your Guild is interested in, though, so you should probably keep looking.
    • (In between) You found some kind of dusty old book in Fernswarthy's tower. Hopefully that's enough to keep that guy in your guild off your case.
  • [Completed] You've turned in the old book, and they said they didn't want it and for you to go away. A bit anticlimactic, but I suppose it still counts as a success. Congratulations!
  • [Current] One of your guild leaders has tasked you to recover a mysterious and unnamed artifact stolen by your Nemesis. Your first step is to smith an Epic Weapon.
Two parts of the Epic Weapon can be had from the two oldest and wisest men in the kingdom, one of whom runs the casino. You weren't told where the third part is.
  • (In between) The ghost gave you access to the Epic Weapon. Looks like you need a <basic class weapon> to get it, though. Maybe someone at your guild can help?
  • (In between) Retrieve the Epic Weapon!
  • (In between) You've reclaimed the Epic Weapon! Time to go show it off at your guild.
  • (In between) To unlock the full power of the Legendary Epic Weapon, you must defeat Beelzebozo, the Clown Prince of Darkness, in The "Fun" House.
  • (In between) Find Beelzebozo in The "Fun" House and recover the missing piece of the Legendary Epic Weapon.
  • (In between) You've finally killed the clownlord Beelzebozo -- you should head back to your guild and let them know!
  • (In between) Inform your guild that Beelzebozo has been dispatched.
  • (In between) Meatsmith the two parts of the Legendary Epic Weapon back together -- you'll need a tenderizing hammer from the Meatsmith.
  • (In between) You've successfully defeated Beelzebozo and claimed the last piece of the Legendary Epic Weapon -- congratulations! Now you just have to wait for your Guild to find out where your nemesis is hiding. Unfortunately, this might take a while.
  • (In between) Your class leader back at the guild has finally discovered where your Nemesis is hiding. It took long enough, jeez! Anyway, turns out it's a Dark and Dank and Sinister Cave in the Big Mountains. Time to sort this jerk out, proper.
  • (In between) The hunt for your Nemesis is on! Better check out that cave they sent you to.
  • (In between) Figure out how to get into your Nemesis' cave. If you're stumped, maybe your guild can help?
  • (In between) The cavern is full of weird mushrooms, but where's your Nemesis?
  • (In between) Collect X more fizzing spore pods to blow up the blockade in your Nemesis' cave.
  • (In between) Take those fizzing spore pods to the rubble!
  • (In between) Boom! Time to bring the fight to your stinking Nemesis in that stinking cave!
  • (In between) You have successfully shown your Nemesis what for, and claimed an ancient hat of power. It's pretty sweet.
Probably you should go tell your guild about this.
  • [Completed] You showed the Epic Hat to the class leader back at your guild, but they didn't seem much impressed. I guess all this Nemesis nonsense isn't quite finished yet, but at least with your Nemesis in hiding again you won't have to worry about it for a while. That counts as a success, I think. Hooray!
  • (In between) You're waiting for your guild's scouts to find out where your Nemesis went.
  • (In between (after losing to menacing thug)) It appears as though some nefarious ne'er-do-well has put a contract on your head!
Gee, I wonder who it could be...
  • (In between) You handily dispatched some thugs who were trying to collect on your bounty, but something tells you they won't be the last ones to try.
  • (In between (after losing to mob penguins)) Whoever put this hit out on you (like you haven't guessed already) has sent Mob Penguins to do their dirty work. Do you know any polar bears you could hire as bodyguards? No? Looks like you're on your own, then.
  • (In between) So much for those mob penguins that were after your head! If whoever put this hit out on you wants you killed (which, presumably, they do) they'll have to find some much more competent thugs.
  • (In between (after losing to the third Nemesis assassin)) Your suspicious[sic] have been confirmed: your Nemesis has put the order out for you to be hunted down and killed, and now they're sending their own guys instead of contracting out. Good luck!
  • (In between) Bam! So much for your Nemesis' assassins! If that's the best they've got, you have nothing at all to worry about.
You sure hope that's the best they've got.
  • (In between (after losing to the fourth Nemesis assassin)) You had a run-in with some crazy mercenary or assassin or... thing that your Nemesis sent to do you in once and for all. A run-in followed by a run-out, evidently, but you're going to have to deal with this sooner or later.
  • (In between) Now that you've dealt with your Nemesis' assassins and found a map to the secret tropical island volcano lair, it's time to take the fight to your foe. Booyah.
  • (In between) You've arrived at the secret tropical island volcano lair, and it's time to finally put a stop to this Nemesis nonsense once and for all. As soon as you can find where they're hiding. Maybe you can find someone to ask.
  • (In between) Congratulations on solving the lava maze, which is probably the biggest pain-in-the-ass puzzle in the entire game! Hooray! (Unless you cheated, in which case: Boo!) Now you just have to defeat <nemesis>. Again.
  • (In between as a Seal Clubber) Well, you defeated Gorgolok, but he got away. Again. Funny how he keeps escaping from you when he can't really run with those flippers. Looks like you'd better get after him, I guess.
  • (In between as a Turtle Tamer) Well, you defeated Stella, but she got away. Again. Is ninja training part of the standard poacher skill-set? Looks like you'd better get after her, I guess.
  • (In between as a Pastamancer) Well, you defeated the Spaghetti Elemental, but it got away. Again. Never have you met such an elusive noodle. Looks like you'd better get after it, I guess.
  • (In between as a Sauceror) Well, you defeated Lumpy, but it got away. Again. Curse his viscous nature! Looks like you'd better get after it, I guess.
  • (In between as a Disco Bandit) Well, you defeated the Spirit of New Wave -- I mean, Rave -- but he got away. Again. Who would've thought it was so difficult to kill a non-corporeal personification of a particular style of music? Looks like you'd better get after him, I guess.
  • (In between as an Accordion Thief) Well, you defeated Lopez, but he got away. Again. Man, that guy is as hard to kill as la cucaracha. Looks like you'd better get after him, I guess.
  • (In between) You defeated <nemesis>! Again! Hooray! Were you expecting him/her/it to have some sort of crazy powerful and hideous final form? I was, but then I wrote all of this, so, y'know.
I just want to say: good luck. We're all counting on you.
  • [Completed as a Seal Clubber] Despite being aided by <demon name>, the Demonic Lord of Revenge, the Infernal Seal Gorgolok has fallen beneath your mighty assault. Never again will the people of the Frigid Northlands be terrorized by this foul beast! Your mother must be very proud of you. Well done!
  • [Completed as a Turtle Tamer] Despite being aided by <demon name>, the Demonic Lord of Revenge, Stella the Turtle Poacher has fallen beneath your mighty assault. Never again will the helpless Testudines of the Kingdom be terrorized by her horrible poachery! Your mother must be very proud of you. Well done!
  • [Completed as a Pastamancer] Despite being aided by <demon name>, the Demonic Lord of Revenge, the evil Spaghetti Elemental has fallen beneath your mighty assault. Never again will the people of the Kingdom of Loathing be terrorized by whatever it was that the Pasta Cult was actually doing (probably human sacrifices and stuff)! Your mother must be very proud of you. Well done!
  • [Completed as a Sauceror] Despite being aided by <demon name>, the Demonic Lord of Revenge, Lumpy the Sinister Sauceblob has fallen beneath your mighty assault. Now the people of the Kingdom of Loathing are safe from whatever horrible (and probably really gross) scheme it was that Lumpy had in store! Your mother must be very proud of you. Well done!
  • [Completed as a Disco Bandit] Despite being aided by <demon name>, the Demonic Lord of Revenge, the Spirit of New Wave has fallen beneath your mighty assault. Now the disco-loving people of the Kingdom of Loathing are free to groove the night away, safe from his insidious machinations! Your mother must be very proud of you. Well done!
  • [Completed as an Accordion Thief] Despite being aided by <demon name>, the Demonic Lord of Revenge, the dread mariachi Somerset Lopez has fallen beneath your mighty assault. Now the eons-long war between the Accordion Thieves and the mariachis is finally at an end, and the streets of the Kingdom of Loathing are safe for cat-burglars and sneak-thieves like yourself and your cronies! Your mother must be very proud of you. Well done!
  • [Completed as Other Classes / a bugged account] Okay, now you've defeated your Nemesis once and for all! (Well, probably. Almost definitely.) Nevermore will the members of whichever class you're playing at the moment be hassled by that terrible entity! Way to go!
  • [Current] Finally it's time to meet this Nemesis you've been hearing so much about! The guy at your guild has marked your map with the location of a cave in the Big Mountains, where your Nemesis is supposedly hiding.
Of course, one does not simply walk into the Dark and Dank and Sinister Cave.
  • (In between) Having opened the first door in your Nemesis' cave, you are now faced with a second one. Go figure.
Like the first one, it's carved with elaborate... carvings. I'd tell you what they were, but honestly I've forgotten, so you'll have to go back to the cave and look for yourself.
  • (In between) Having opened the second door in your Nemesis' cave, you are now of course faced with a third one. Hopefully this is the last one.
  • (In between) Woo! You're past the doors and it's time to stab some bastards.
Oh, and figure out how to gain access to your Nemesis' Inner Sanctum. So to speak.
  • (In between) The door to your Nemesis' inner sanctum didn't seem to care for the password you tried earlier. Perhaps you should give the henchmen a stern talking to. And by "talking to" I mean... well, you know what I mean.
  • (In between) Hear how the background music got all exciting? It's because you opened the door to your Nemesis' inner sanctum, and now it's time for a big dramatic fight! Good luck!
  • [Completed] Your Nemesis has scuttled away in defeat, leaving you with a sweet Epic Hat and a feeling of smug superiority. Well done you!
  • [Current] A guy in your guild has offered you some meat if you'll grab his package for him.
Oh stop laughing, you know perfectly well what I mean! Honestly...
Anyway, you should be able to find it in the 7-Foot Dwarves' factory complex, which can supposedly be reached through their mine.
  • (In between) You've found the entrance to the factory complex of the 7-Foot Dwarves. Hopefully it won't take you too long to find the thing. You know, that thing you're trying to find, for that guy.
  • (In between) Nice going, you've found an envelope addressed to that guy back at your guild. Maybe you should go take it back to him now. Sure, there's a lot of other interesting stuff in this factory, but you can always come back.
  • [Completed] You've successfully delivered a package, and been rewarded with an amount of meat that was more-or-less proportional to the difficulty of the task. Hooray! Of course, there's obviously a bit more going on in that factory, but whether or not you want to mess around with all that is up to you.

Other Quests

  • To reveal the way to the Hidden Temple, Dakota Fanning wants the following items:
    • a bendy straw from A Fallen Archfiend
    • a plant food pellet from The Haunted Conservatory
    • a needle from The Dungeoneers' Association vending machine
  • [Current] Search the Haunted Kitchen for the key to the Haunted Billiards Room.
  • (In between) Search the Haunted Billiards Room for the key to the Haunted Library.
  • (In between) Beat the ghost at pool. Your current pool skill is X
  • (In between) Search desks in the Haunted Library until you find Lady Spookyraven's necklace.
  • (In between) Take the necklace to Lady Spookyraven in Spookyraven Manor.
  • [Current] Go see Lady Spookyraven on the second floor of Spookyraven Manor.
  • (In between) Lady Spookyraven wants to dance again, but first she needs:
* her powder puff
* her gown
* her shoes from the Haunted Gallery
  • (In between) Go back to Lady Spookyraven with her dancin' supplies.
  • (In between) Go dancing with Lady Spookyraven in the Haunted Ballroom.
  • [Current] Gather up Lady Spookyraven's babies on the third floor of Spookyraven Manor.
  • (In between) Take Lady Spookyraven's babies back to her.
  • [Completed] You saved all of Lady Spookyraven's beautiful, beautiful babies. Precious babies. Babies.
  • [Current] Find a boat for that hippy near the Old Landfill.
  • (In between) Find a boat for that hippy near the Old Landfill. Maybe that magazine you found has some cool boat ideas in it.
  • (In between) Find the parts to make a junk junk at the Old Landfill.
  • (In between) Take the junk junk back to that hippy near the Old Landfill.
  • [Completed] You've constructed a boat and used it to take that dumb hippy back to his island home. Like, thanks, man.
  • [Current] Find the Untinker's screwdriver at Degrassi Knoll, on the Nearby Plains.
  • (In between) Take the screwdriver back to the Untinker in Forest Village.
  • [Completed] You fetched the Untinker's screwdriver. Nice going!
* Pretentious Palette
* Pretentious Paint
* Pretentious Paintbrush
  • (In between) Return to the The Pretentious Artist with his supplies.
  • [Completed] You helped retrieve the Pretentious Artist's stuff. Excellent!
  • [Current] Mayor Zapruder of Degrassi Knoll wants you to investigate the Gnolls' bugbear pens, located in the Distant Woods.
  • (In between) Mayor Zapruder wants you to find your way to the spooky gravy fairies' barrow, but first he needs you to bring him a flaming/frozen/stinky mushroom from the mushroom fields deep within Degrassi Knoll.
  • (In between) Now that you've got a powerful Gravy Fairy, Mayor Zapruder wants you to investigate the Spooky Gravy Barrow in the Distant Woods.
  • (In between) Now that you've slain Queen Felonia, you should go back to Mayor Zapruder for your reward.
  • [Completed] You've helped Mayor Zapruder of Degrassi Knoll with his spooky gravy fairy problem. Nice going!
  • [Current] Doc Galaktik needs some medicinal flowers from the Overgrown Lot:
    • swindleblossoms (X/3)
    • fraudwort (X/3)
    • shysterweed (X/3)
  • (In between) Take the collection of flowers back to Doc Galaktik.
  • [Completed] You found some herbs for Doc Galaktik, and he rewarded you with a permanent discount on his patent medicines. Nifty!
  • [Current] Collect [5/X more] [Knob Goblin firecrackers|razor-sharp can lids|spider webs], on the [Outskirts of Cobb's Knob|Haunted Pantry|Sleazy Back Alley].
  • [In between] Return to the Captain of the Gourd for a reward.
  • [Completed] You've helped out the Captain of the Gourd. Urp!
  • [Current] The Meatsmith wants you to recover his check from the Skeleton Store in Market Square
  • [In between] Take the recovered check back to The Meatsmith.
  • [Completed] You helped the Meatsmith almost collect his debt from the Skeleton Store's former owner.
  • [Current] You were approached in the Sleazy Back Alley by a guy named Harold, who wants you to repair his favorite hammer for him.
  • [Completed] You handily helped Harold with his hammer. Hallelujah!
  • [Current] A guy near the Haunted Pantry gave you a cake, and asked if you could figure out some way to light the candles on it. He says that normal fire won't work, because they're "hilarious" novelty candles.
  • [Completed] You helped the anonymous baker prepare his cake for Claude. What a Samaritan!
  • [Current] An injured Knob Goblin wants you to buy some Pungent Unguent from Doc Galaktik's Medicine Show
  • [In between] Take the Pungent Unguent back to that injured Knob Goblin in the Outskirts of Cobb's Knob.
  • [Completed] You helped out a wounded Knob Goblin guard by bringing him some unguent. You're a regular Florence Nightingale Jr.!
  • [Current] Azazel needs your help recovering his talismans in Pandamonium.
    * Visit Moaning Panda Square.
    * Visit Belilafs.
    * Visit Infernal Rackets.
  • [Completed] You've found Azazel's unicorn, his lollipop, and his tutu. This peek into the nature of evil is disturbing, but the reward was gratifying. Go you!
  • [Current] Gnorbert, elder of the gnomish gnomads, wants you to collect some comic books from a sk8 gnome named Gnathan, who usually hangs out at The eXtreme Slope.
    Sounds pretty simple; this shouldn't take long.
  • (In between) Gnathan the Sk8 Gnome refuses to give up the comic books unless you bring him some fingerless hobo gloves. That's kind of a pain, but still, not a big deal, right?
  • (In between) A hobo named All-but-Dissertation Tucker Dummychuck has agreed to give you his gloves, but only if you can find him some demonic harmonica lessons. Demonica lessons? Well, anyway, that shouldn't be difficult.
  • (In between) The Archfiend Marble has offered to trade you a book of harmonica lessons in exchange for the Boock of Darck Magicks. Apparently it was last seen in the collection of some occult-hobbyist nobleman.
    Are you starting to get a bad feeling about this quest? I know I am.
  • (In between) Lord Spookyraven's librarian, Alice, has agreed to give you the Boock of Darck Magics, if you'll find her some fresh ectolpasm. I mean, ectoplasm.
  • (In between) A slick lihc named Rick has agreed to swap you some ectoplasm if you'll bring him something slicker than he is. Something from a nearby kitchen?
  • (In between) Kevin'x, one of the chefs in Cobb's Knob, has offered you some of his Knob Butter in exchange for a couple of pointed wooden sticks. That sounds pretty simple -- surely, someone will be willing to just give you a couple of sticks, right? They won't need you to trade something else for them, right?
  • (In between) Cindy the Vampire Slayer will trade you her marinated stakes for an all-powerful evil-slaying weapon. If you ask me, that's not exactly an equitable trade, but what are you gonna do?
    She also said something about a prophecy: "Under the bug-eyed, winged pedagogue, the uber-weapon slumbers."
  • (In between) An ancient wise woman named Glorificus Steinemus has agreed to give you an ancient but mysteriously shiny weapon of evil-destroying, in exchange for a cup of really good herbal tea.
  • (In between) A hippy with some ridiculous name has agreed to give you a cup of her all-natural organic herbal tea in exchange for some white whine vinaigrette dressing. She was pretty emphatic about the 'white' part, for some reason.
  • (In between) The White Wizard Gannongast says he'll give you his special white wine vinaigrette dressing if you'll bring him the fifteen shards of the mystic Non-Essential Amulet that he sent some spiky-haired kid to collect.
  • (In between) A spiky-haired protagonist named Mist Angst has agreed to swap you the Non-Essential Amulet in exchange for a Really Big Tiny House. He said something about a guy with a carrot in his nose, or on his nose, or something... sorry, I wasn't really listening.
  • (In between) to give you a house
    the snowman first requires
    one red paperclip
  • (In between) Man, how long has this quest been going on? Well, at least it's nearly over. Well, half over. Sigh.
    Better get that paperclip back to the ninja snowman who wanted it, so he can give you whatever the next thing was.
  • (In between) Tang Lung the Ninja Snowman has given you a Really Big Tiny House for that protagonist kid with the ridiculous hair.
  • (In between) The spiky-haired protagonist has given you the Non-Essential Amulet that that wizard guy was looking for.
  • (In between) Gannongast the White Wizard has given you a bottle of white wine vinaigrette. Who was it that wanted that? I think it was that hippy chef, right?
  • (In between) [Ethereal Koi Blossom|A hippy, or possibly a cave-hippy,] has brewed you up a cup of herbal tea for... um... oh, it was that old woman, the one in the cave. Right?
  • (In between) You've obtained the ancient evil-smiting weapon that the vampire-slaying chick wanted. Don't quit now, you're coming up on the home stretch!
  • (In between) Cindy the Vampire Slayer gave you a couple wooden stakes. Who was it that wanted the stakes? Lemme check my notes...
    Oh, the chef. The Knob Goblin guy.
  • (In between) Kevin'x the Knob Goblin chef has given you some of his knob butter. Yeah, yeah, har-de-har. Look, just take it back to that spectre or whatever it was that wanted it so we can be done with this, okay?
  • (In between) Rick the Slick Lihc has given you some ectoplasm for the ghostly librarian. Aren't you glad you've got me to remember all this stuff for you?
  • (In between) Alice the Ghostly Librarian has given you the Boock of Darck Magick. That goes to... um... to...
    Hell, I've forgotten. Sorry!
  • (In between) The Archfiend Marble traded you a book of harmonica lessons for that boock you brought him.
  • (In between) All-but-Dissertation Tucker Dummychuck swapped you his fingerless gloves for a book of harmonica lessons. Don't you need fingers to play the harmonica properly? Well, whatever. At least this is nearly done with.
  • (In between) Gnathan the Sk8 Gnome gave you back Chomsky's comic books. Hurry! Take them back to Gnorbert, the elder! For the love of god, make this quest be over!
  • [Completed] You did it! You successfully returned the comic books and were rewarded with some sort of gnomitronic gizmo. All I can say is, it'd better be a damn good gizmo.
  • [Current] A salty old pirate named Cap'm Caronch has offered to let you join his crew if you find some treasure for him. He gave you a map, which causes you to wonder why he didn't just go dig it up himself, but oh well...
  • (In between) Now that you've found Cap'm Caronch's booty (and shaken it a few times), you should probably take it back to him.
  • (In between) Cap'm Caronch has given you a set of blueprints to the Orcish Frat House, and asked you to steal his dentures back from the Frat Orcs.
If you are caught or killed, the secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions.
  • (In between) You have successfully swiped the Cap'm's teeth from the Frat Orcs -- time to take the nasty things back to him. And then wash your hands.
  • (In between) You've completed two of Cap'm Caronch's tasks, but (surprise surprise) he's got a third one for you before you can join his crew. Strange how these things always come in threes...
Anyway, the Cap'm wants you to defeat Old Don Rickets, the current champion of Insult Beer Pong, at his own game.
  • (In between) You have successfully joined Cap'm Caronch's crew! Unfortunately, you've been given crappy scutwork to do before you're a full-fledged pirate.
Your tasks: scrub the mizzenmast, polish the cannonballs, and shampoo the rigging.
  • [Completed] Congratulations, you're a mighty pirate! Time to man the poop deck and sail the eleven seas!
Oh, and also you've managed to scam your way belowdecks, which is cool.
  • [Current] The Old Man, by The Sea, wants you to retrieve his boot. He says he dropped it off the side of his boat while he was fishing.
  • (In between) You've bought the Old Man's boot back from Big Brother. You should take it back to him.
  • [Completed] You helped the Old Man retrieve his boot from The Sea. Marvelous!
  • [Current] You rescued a strange, monkey-like creature from a Neptune Flytrap. He marked the location of his sea-floor home on your map -- maybe you should go talk to him.
  • (In between) Little Brother, the Sea Monkee, has asked you to find his older brother. He says he last saw him near the Wreck of the Edmund Fitzsimmons, on the sea floor.
  • (In between) You've rescued Little Brother's big brother, Big Brother. You should go talk to him. The big brother, I mean. This is all sort of confusing.
  • (In between) You've rescued Big Brother, who has agreed to sell you some stuff as a "reward." You don't like him nearly as much as you like Little Brother. Maybe you should go talk to him, instead.
  • (In between) Little Brother has asked you to rescue his grandpa. He says that Grandpa has been spending a lot of time talking about The Marinara Trench/Anemone Mine/The Dive Bar lately -- that would probably be a good place to start looking for him.
  • (In between) Have a chat with Grandpa in the Sea Monkee Castle.
  • (In between) Search for clues to Grandma's location in the Mer-Kin Outpost.
  • (In between) Figure out what to do with Grandma's note... Perhaps Grandpa will have some ideas?
  • (In between) Rescue Grandma from the Mer-Kin Outpost.
  • (In between) Check back in with Little Brother in the Sea Monkee Castle.
  • (In between) Go check on Big Brother in the Sea Monkee Castle.
  • (In between) Buy the black glass from Big Brother in the Sea Monkee Castle.
  • (In between) Use the black glass to explore the Caliginous Abyss.
  • [Completed] You have rescued the entire family of Sea Monkees. Well, except for Dad, but we shouldn't talk about that.
  • [Current] You remember floating aimlessly in the Primordial Soup. You wanted to do it some more.
  • (In between) You kept floating in that Soup. It was starting to get kinda boring.
  • (In between) You remember finding your way to a higher, warmer, oranger part of the Primordial Soup. You were hungry for adventure. And for food.
  • (In between) You remember finding your way to a higher, warmer, oranger part of the Primordial Soup. You were hungry for adventure. And for food.
Every time you tried to swim upward, you ran into a virus named Cyrus. That guy was a real jerk.
  • (In between) You remember finding your way to a higher, warmer, oranger part of the Primordial Soup. You were hungry for adventure. And for food.
Every time you tried to swim upward, you ran into a virus named Cyrus. That guy was a real jerk.
You remember inadvertently making him <adjective>.
  • (In between) You remember finding your way to a higher, warmer, oranger part of the Primordial Soup. You were hungry for adventure. And for food.
Every time you tried to swim upward, you ran into a virus named Cyrus. That guy was a real jerk.
You remember inadvertently making him <adjective> and <adjective>.
  • (In between) You remember finding your way to a higher, warmer, oranger part of the Primordial Soup. You were hungry for adventure. And for food.
Every time you tried to swim upward, you ran into a virus named Cyrus. That guy was a real jerk.
You remember inadvertently making him <adjective>, <adjective> and <adjective>.
  • [Completed] You remember creating an unstoppable supervirus. Congratulations!
  • [Current] Your ancient ancestor, the mighty warrior Krakrox (and also, at the moment, yourself -- and I know that's confusing, but that's time-travel for you) is exploring the jungles of Loathing and an ancient city that has lain abandoned since even more ancient times. Sounds like good fun, eh?
  • (In between) Your ancient ancestor, the mighty warrior Krakrox (and also, at the moment, yourself -- and I know that's confusing, but that's time-travel for you) is exploring the jungles of Loathing and an ancient city that has lain abandoned since even more ancient times, to discover and hopefully eliminate the source of a mysterious and deadly plague that is affecting the Pork Elves before it spreads to Seaside Village.
  • (In between) Having defeated the High Priest of Ki'rhuss and prevented the terrible entity from achieving its full power, or entering our plane of existence, or whatever exactly it was planning, Krakrox has returned home to Seaside Village and, after burying the ruby eye of Ki'rhuss's statue and the Pork Elves' reward behind his hut, is taking a well-deserved rest. But hey, there's always more goblins and stuff to beat up on, should he (or you) be so inclined.
  • [Completed] You discovered and dug up the Pork Elves' reward to Krakrox in an abandoned lot at the Wrong Side of the Tracks. Congratulations! Ki'Rhuss's ruby eye was there as well, but your adventurer's intuition told you it was better left where it was.
  • [Current] You've journeyed through time to a future megalopolis, and found out you aren't the savior of mankind. Oh, well. Who needs that kind of responsibility?
  • (In between) You've journeyed through time to a future megalopolis, and found out you're the savior of mankind, as if you didn't have anything else to do today. Apparently you're supposed to be on the lookout for the Supreme Being, and use your Ruby Rod to find elemental essences.
  • (In between) In a future megalopolis, you bought a multi-pass. It's a multi-pass. Mool-tee pass. It's a joke that never gets old.
  • (In between) You've used your multi-pass to get you and the Supreme Being on the Starship Bon Mot. Now you just need to unite all five elements around the sixth, and more ludicrous and trippy stuff will happen.
  • (In between) You have laid your rod upon the Supreme Being's kitty, and harvested the essence of cute, the mysterious sixth element. You're almost done!
  • [Completed] You've used the power of all six elements to save the world, and came *this* close to makin' bacon with the Supreme Being. Congratulations! Check your inventory for a secret from the future!
  • [Current] You must find and put a stop to whoever is controlling the army of lawn gnomes in The Landscaper's Lair.
You've got a hunch that it's probably somebody called The Landscaper, and that he probably lives in the hut marked "The Landscaper's Hut" on your map.
It's just a hunch, though.
  • [Completed] You've defeated The Landscaper and claimed his obnoxious leafblower as your own.
  • [Current] Subject 37 wants you to investigate the Cobb's Knob Laboratories and find out what they're planning.
  • (In between) Take the file you found back to Subject 37.
  • (In between) Subject 37 wants something from the BASIC Elementals on level 1 of the Cobb's Knob Menagerie.
  • (In between) Take the GOTO back to Subject 37.
  • (In between) Subject 37 wants some weremoose spit from level 2 of the Cobb's Knob Menagerie.
  • (In between) Take the spit back to Subject 37.
  • (In between) Subject 37 wants some abominable blubber from level 3 of the Cobb's Knob Menagerie.
  • (In between) Take the blubber back to Subject 37.
  • [Completed] You've done a good turn, and helped Subject 37 make his escape from the Cobb's Knob Menagerie.
  • [Current] You must defeat Professor Jacking in order to gain access to his laboratory and search for the Legendary Beat.
  • (In between) You've defeated Professor Jacking and gained unfettered access to his laboratory. Now... where's that Beat?
  • [Completed] You've managed to find the Legendary Beat, which Professor Jacking had cleverly miniaturized and embedded in your own skin. Fresh!
  • [Current] Explore Ronaldus and Grimacia to find out what happened to the elves.
  • (In between) Use the Maps you've found to search for missing scientists.
  • (In between) Escort Axel around the moons.
  • (In between) Find and repair the shield generator on Hamburglaris.
  • [Completed] Congratulations! You've saved a few of the elves!
  • [Current] Clancy would like you to take him to the Typical Tavern, so he can learn some new songs from the various angry, drunk patrons there.
  • (In between) Clancy would like you to take him to the Knob Shaft, so that he can learn how to play miner chords.
  • (In between) Clancy would like you to find the grave of The Luter, so that he can retrieve the lute the Luter looted long ago. Your keen adventuring instincts tell you that the grave is probably near a graveyard.
  • (In between) Clancy would like you to take him to the Icy Peak, so that he may hear the mournful mating call of the Knott Yeti.
  • (In between) Clancy would like you to take him to the Ancient Buried Pyramid, so that he can find an ancient piece of sheet music.
  • [Completed] You have taken Clancy on a whirlwind tour of the Kingdom, and he is now equipped with enough songs that his musical style will never be cramped again.
  • [Current] Investigate the paranormal activity reported at <location>.
  • [Completed] Currently, the quest is removed from your Quest Log.
  • [Current] The bounty hunter hunter wants you to collect <amount> <item> from <monster> in <location> (X of Y collected)
  • [Completed] Currently, the quest is removed from your Quest Log.
  • [Current] The bounty hunter hunter wants you to collect <amount> <item> from <monster> in <location>. (X of Y collected)
  • [Completed] Currently, the quest is removed from your Quest Log.
  • [Current] The bounty hunter hunter wants you to collect <amount> <item> from <monster> in <location>. (X of Y collected)
  • [Completed] Currently, the quest is removed from your Quest Log.
  • [Current] Sharpening the saw! Looks like you've cast <skill> during <X> of the required <Y> encounters with a <monster>!
  • [Completed] Currently, the quest is removed from your Quest Log.
  • [Current] The Highland Lord told you that the Baron Rof L'm Fao, in his valley in the Big Mountains, has been overrun by monsters. Maybe you should try to fight your way through them to the gates of the Baron's fortress.
  • [Completed] You have helped the Baron Rof L'm Fao with his monster problem. w00t!
  • [Completed] Like Father Like Daughter
You found and put to rest the spirit of Elizabeth Spookyraven.
  • [Completed] Like Mother Like Son
You found and put to rest the spirit of Stephen Spookyraven.
  • [Completed] Lending a Hand (and a Foot)
You delivered a no-handed pie to the Armorer and Leggerer.
  • [Current] Check the kitchen of the Neverending Party to see what kind of snacks Geraldine wants.
  • (In between) Get <10|20> <food> for Geraldine at the Neverending Party.
(You have X)
  • (In between) Take the <10|20> <food> to to Geraldine in the kitchen of the Neverending Party.

OR

  • [Current] Check the backyard of the Neverending Party to see what kind of booze Gerald wants.
  • (In between) Get <10|20> <booze> for Gerald at the Neverending Party.
(You have X)
  • (In between) Take the <10|20> <booze> to the backyard of the Neverending Party.

OR

  • [Current] Get the Neverending Party started!
Hype level: X / 100 megawoots
  • (In between) Return to the Neverending Party for your reward.

OR

  • [Current] Clear all of the guests out of the Neverending Party.
Partiers remaining: X
  • (In between) Return to the Neverending Party for your reward.

OR

  • [Current] Collect Meat for the DJ at the Neverending Party.
Remaining bill: X Meat
  • (In between) Return to the Neverending Party for your reward.

OR

  • [Current] Clean up the trash at the Neverending Party.
Trash left: ~X pieces
  • (In between) Return to the Neverending Party for your reward.

In all cases:

  • [Completed] Currently, the quest is removed from your Quest Log.
Time Left: ## minutes
Score: #

OR

  • [Current] Help the hare win the race at I-911.
Turns remaining: ##
Est. Finish Time: ##:##.###

In all cases:

  • [Completed] Currently, the quest is removed from your Quest Log.
  • [Current] Rufus wants you to go into a Shadow Rift and defeat a <shadow monster>.
  • (In between) Call Rufus and let him know you defeated that monster.

OR

  • [Current] Rufus wants you to go into a Shadow Rift and find a <shadow object>.
  • (In between) Call Rufus and tell him you found his <shadow object>.

OR

  • [Current] Rufus wants you to find him 3 <shadow items> from Shadow Rifts.
  • (In between) Call Rufus and tell him you've got the 3 <shadow items> he wanted.

In all cases:

  • [Completed] Currently, the quest is removed from your Quest Log.

Crimbo Quests

  • [Current] You must try to find a way to break Lady Linnea's bewitching spell on Uncle Crimbo and return him to his factory in time for Crimbo by finding the three magical things that remind him who he is.
  • (In between) You've found Uncle Crimbo, but he doesn't seem to want to leave. You're going to have to try to find the two other things that he likes to convince him to come back.
  • (In between) You've given Uncle Crimbo two things he likes, but it doesn't seem to be enough. The old lout was a notorious drunkard -- maybe some booze will ply him.
  • [Completed] You've saved Uncle Crimbo! Fantastic!
    Uncle Crimbo is sure to give you something cool on Crimbo for your hard work.
  • [Current] Go talk to Tammy in her camp on the Right Side of the Tracks.
  • (In between) Investigate the Cheerless Spire in the Big Mountains.
  • (In between) Go show Tammy the weird crystalline cheer you found.
  • [Completed] Currently, the quest is removed from your Quest Log.
  • (In between) Use the Braindeer on reindeer in the Canadian Wildlife Preserve.
  • (In between) Go see Tammy in Crimbo Town.
  • (In between) Find the Cafe Elf in the Canadian Wildlife Preserve.
  • (In between) Go see Tammy in Crimbo Town.
  • (In between) Use your Yule Hound to help Tammy by tracking down elves in various places. (You've found # so far)
  • (In between) Go see Tammy in Crimbo Town.
  • (In between) Use your Toyleporter to gather toy parts for Tammy. (You have gathered # total so far, # of them today.)
  • (In between) Go see Tammy in Crimbo Town.
  • (In between) Use your Toyleporter to keep gathering toy parts for the poor orphans. (You have gathered # total so far, # of them today.)
  • [Completed] Currently, the quest is removed from your Quest Log.
  • (In between) Check in with the team at Site Alpha.
  • (In between) Investigate the dormitory at Site Alpha.
  • (In between) Continue your investigation of Site Alpha.
  • (In between) Explore the Primary Lab at Site Alpha.
  • [Completed] Currently, the quest is removed from your Quest Log.

Elemental International Airport Quests

Spring Break Beach Quests
  • Pencil-Thin Mush Stash
(X / 10 so far)
  • (In between) Take the mushrooms back to Buff Jimmy
  • [Completed] You retrieved Buff Jimmy's stash of pencil-thin mushrooms.
  • Paradise Cheeseburger
  • [Current] Equip Buff Jimmy's paradise cheeseburger recipe
  • (In between) Gather the ingredients for Buff Jimmy's burger at the Sloppy Seconds Diner.
(X / 15)
  • (In between) Take the ingredients back to Buff Jimmy.
  • [Completed] You gathered all of the ingredients for Buff Jimmy's weird cheeseburger.
  • Lost Shaker of Salt
  • [Current] Get the sea salt that Buff Jimmy wants from sons of sons of sailors on the Sunken Party Yacht.
(X / 50 so far)
  • (In between) Take the salt back to Buff Jimmy.
  • [Completed] You retrieved Buff Jimmy's lost salt.
  • Audit-Tory Hallucinations
(X / 10 so far)
  • (In between) Take the receipts back to Taco Dan before he gets audited.
  • [Completed] You prevented Taco Dan from getting audited.
  • Cocktail as old as Cocktime (erroneously titled as Paradise Cheeseburger while in-progress)
  • [Current] Equip Taco Dan's cocktail sauce squeeze bottle.
  • (In between) Gather cocktail sauce for Taco Dan at the Sloppy Seconds Diner.
(X / 15)
  • [Completed] You facilitated Taco Dan's bold cocktail sauce experiment.
  • Dirty Fishy Dish
  • [Current] Get Taco Dan the meat he wants from taco fish near the Sunken Party Yacht.
(X / 300 lbs. so far)
  • (In between) Take the taco fish meat back to Taco Dan.
  • [Completed] You wrangled up some taco fish for Taco Dan.
  • Cultural Studies
(You currently have X / 10 CCs of bacteria in your mouth)
  • (In between) Take the mouthful of bacteria back to Broden.
  • [Completed] You gathered disgusting bacteria for Broden the Brogre.
  • A Light Sprinkle
  • [Current] Equip Broden's sprinkle can.
  • (In between) Gather sprinkles from the Sloppy Seconds Diner for Broden.
(X / 15)
  • (In between) Take the can of sprinkles back to Broden.
  • [Completed] You collected sprinkles for Broden the Brogre.
  • Beat Dead the Deadbeats
  • [Current] Collect debts from Broden's former customers on the Sunken Party Yacht.
(X / 15 so far)
  • (In between) Take the broupons back to Broden.
  • [Completed] You collected Broden the Brogre's debts for him.
Dinseylandfill Quests
  • Give Me Fuel
(You have X/20)
  • (In between) Return 20 toxic globules to the Kiosk to collect your wages.
  • [Completed] Currently, the quest is removed from your Quest Log.
  • Nasty, Nasty Bears
  • [Current] Remove 8 nasty bears from Uncle Gator's ride. (X nasty bears remain.)
  • (In between) Return to the Kiosk to collect your wages.
  • [Completed] Currently, the quest is removed from your Quest Log.
  • Social Justice Adventurer I
Currently: <Sexism Level>
  • (In between) Return to the Kiosk to collect your wages.
  • [Completed] Currently, the quest is removed from your Quest Log.
  • Social Justice Adventurer II
  • [Current] Make Uncle Gator's ride less racist.
Currently: <Racism Level>
  • (In between) Return to the Kiosk to collect your wages.
  • [Completed] Currently, the quest is removed from your Quest Log.
  • Super Luber
  • [Current] Equip the lube shoes and ride the Barf Mountain rollercoaster in order to lubricate the tracks.
  • (In between) Ride the Barf Mountain rollercoaster to lubricate the tracks.
  • (In between) Return to the Kiosk to collect your wages.
  • [Completed] Currently, the quest is removed from your Quest Log.
  • Teach a Man to Fish Trash
Filth Level: X%
Filth Level: X%
  • (In between) Return to the Kiosk to collect your wages.
  • [Completed] Currently, the quest is removed from your Quest Log.
  • Whistling Zippity-Doo-Dah
Apparent Fun: <Fun Level>
Apparent Fun: <Fun Level>
  • (In between) Return to the Kiosk to collect your wages.
  • [Completed] Currently, the quest is removed from your Quest Log.
  • Will Work With Food
(X / 30 fed so far)
  • (In between) Return to the Kiosk to collect your wages.
  • [Completed] Currently, the quest is removed from your Quest Log.

Uncategorized Quests

  • No Quest Name (terrarium)
  • [Current] Buy a Familiar-Gro™ Terrarium at the General Store in Seaside Town's Market Square.
  • (In between) Go to your inventory and install the terrarium at your campsite.
  • (In between) Go to your inventory and put the mosquito larva in your terrarium.
  • (In between) Go to your terrarium and take the newly-hatched mosquito out.
  • (no completed text)

Other Accomplishments

These are valid for a player's current incarnation:

These are permanent:

  • You have earned # Challenge Path Gold Star(s)
  • You have earned # Challenge Path Silver Moon(s)
  • You have earned # Challenge Path Bronze Button(s)
  • You have proven yourself literate. (Complete The Altar of Literacy.)
  • You have completed the Most Extreme Haiku Challenge. (Complete the Most Extreme Haiku Challenge.)
  • You have unlocked # tattoos.
  • You have earned # trophies.
  • You have collected # familiars.
  • You have pickpocketed # items.
  • Your strongest physical attack so far dealt # damage.
  • Your most powerful spell so far dealt # damage.
  • You have completed # Hardcore ascensions.
  • You have permanently unlocked the Bad Moon sign. (Complete a 100% Black Cat Bad Moon run.)
  • You have been inoculated against The Grey Plague. (No longer available.)
  • You have picked # pretty flowers in PvP combat.
  • You have discovered # Meat-Pasting recipes.
  • You have discovered # Cooking recipes.
  • You have discovered # Meatsmithing recipes.
  • You have discovered # Cocktailcrafting recipes.
  • You have discovered # Jewelrycrafting recipes.
  • You have discovered # Miscellaneous recipes.
  • You have cleared # levels of Fernswarthy's Basement in your lifetime(s).
  • You have spent # Adventures protesting the slaughter of the Knott Yetis. (Used a Yeti Protest Sign or a faded red protest sign # times.)
  • You contributed # Meat to the Council's Build a Huge Cannon fund. (Gave # meat to the Council of Loathing; no longer available.)
  • You contributed # Meat to the Council's War fund. (Gave # meat to the Council of Loathing; no longer available.)
  • You contributed # Meat to the Council's "Buy a Pair of Yetis" fund. (Gave # meat to the Council of Loathing; no longer available.)
  • You contributed # drinks to the Council's efforts to get the Knott Yetis to breed. (Gave # drinks to the Council of Loathing; no longer available.)
  • You have spent # Adventures gazing at the stars. (Spent # adventures in The LAAAAME Observatory; no longer available.)
  • You rescued Uncle Crimbo that time he was kidnapped by Linnea. (Completed the Save Uncle Crimbo! quest during Crimboween; no longer available.)
  • You saved Crimbo from Father Crimbo and his assimilated Crimborg. (Defeated all of the Crimborg denizens in A Sinister Dodecahedron and destroyed Father Crimbo; no longer available.)
  • You helped defeat The Crimbomination. (Sang The Spirit of Crimbo between 1 and X times to The Crimbomination; no longer available.)
  • You went to great lengths to help defeat The Crimbomination. (Sang The Spirit of Crimbo between X and XX times to The Crimbomination; no longer available.)
  • You were instrumental in the defeat of The Crimbomination. (Sang The Spirit of Crimbo between XX and 5000 times to The Crimbomination; no longer available.)
  • You ousted Don Crimbo and put the Crimbomination at the helm of the holidays. (Fought Don Crimbo and used the Crimbomination Contraption against the Crimbomination five times; no longer available.)
  • You ousted the Crimbomination and reinstated Uncle Crimbo, and surely that's the end of all that nonsense. (Fought Mr. Mination on the side of Uncle Crimbo; no longer available.)
  • You fought with the Crimbomination against Uncle Crimbo, but Uncle Crimbo ended up winning. Nyeah nyeah nyeah. (Fought Uncle Crimbo on the side of Mr. Mination; no longer available.)
  • Aboard your trusty steed <Yeti Mount Name>, you defeated # skeletons during Corman's invasion of Valhalla. (No longer available.)
  • You delved # floor(s) into the basement over your entire lifetime before NS13 was implemented. (Adventured in the Fernswarthy's Basement before the rollout of NS13; no longer available.)
  • You donated # bricks to the rebuilding of Hagnk's. (Bought bricks from A Secretive Mason with meat and chunks of depleted Grimacite for the rebuilding of Hagnk's Ancestral Mini-Storage; no longer available.)
  • You achieved a mastery level of # in an alien language. (# of burned government manual fragments read)
  • You have invoked # demons: (Summon demons in the Summoning Chamber.)
·<demon name>, Lord of the Pies
·<demon name>, the Ancient Fishlord
·<demon name>, the Deadest Beat
·<demon name>, Duke of the Underworld
·<demon name>, the Stankmaster
·<demon name>, Demonic Lord of Revenge
·<demon name>, the Smith
·<demon name>, the Pain Enjoyer
·<demon name>, Friend of Gary

Notes

  • The [other accomplishments] section is a handy way to determine your Collector's Score.
  • Updates to the Hobo Tattoo, the St. Sneaky Pete's Day Tattoo, and the A. W. O. L. Tattoo do not increase the number of tattoos unlocked, as counted by the quest log.
  • You can visit your quest log during the middle of a multi-round combat. This can be useful when using combat items that have effects that change every ascension.
  • Just as an unsuccessful summon of the revenge demon counts as a daily summon, it also counts towards putting the name in your quest log. The revenge demon cannot be successfully summoned unless you have defeated your Nemesis during the current ascension.

History

  • Much of the text for quests was replaced with the text from the Quest Tracker on an unheralded update sometime before the 20th of May, 2014. The old text can be viewed here.

References

  • The heading for the Spooky Forest Quest is a pun on the first line of the chorus from the Waylon Jennings country song "Looking for Love": "I was looking for love in all the wrong places."
  • The heading for The King of Cobb's Knob Quest is a reference to the 1888 Rudyard Kipling short story, The Man Who Would Be King, and the 1975 feature film of the same name.
  • The heading for the Deep Fat Friars' Gate Quest is a pun on the expression trial by fire.
  • The heading for the Mt. McLargeHuge Quest is a combination of two references: A well-known line in the Bible from the story of Cain and Abel (Genesis 4:9 - "And the LORD said unto Cain, Where is Abel thy brother? And he said, I know not: Am I my brother's keeper?") and the Trapper Keeper, a brand-name notebook binder produced by Mead featuring a fold-over Velcro closure, popular with school-age students during the 1980s.
  • The heading for the Giant Trash Quest is a reference to a lyric from the song "The Rain in Spain", from the 1956 Lerner and Loewe musical My Fair Lady, and the 1964 film of the same name: "The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain!".
  • One of the messages for the Naughty Sorceress Quest (I just wanted to say, "good luck - we're all counting on you.") is a reference to a repeated line from the 1980 film Airplane!.
  • The heading for the Sea Monkees Quest is a pun on a line from the theme song of the band The Monkees, in which they say "Hey, hey, we're the Monkees."
  • The title Angry <Player Name>, this is Azazel in Hell. is a reference to the Poe song "Angry Johnny", in which the chorus goes "Johnny, Angry Johnny, this is Jezebel in Hell."
  • "If you are caught or killed, the secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions." is a reference to popular depictions of covert government operatives, as in the computer game series Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell, and the television show Mission: Impossible.
  • The log itself appears to be a representation of the Log Lady's own log, from the TV show Twin Peaks.
  • The Orcish Frat Boy completion message for Make War, Not... Oh, Wait is a reference to the World of Warcraft games. "For the Horde!" is a common phrase shouted by the Horde faction, which is partly made up of Orcs.
  • "The Ultimate Showdown Of Ultimate Destiny" is the title of a song by Lemon Demon.
  • The notion of a "shadowy, evil version of yourself" as having a goatee originally comes from the Star Trek episode Mirror, Mirror, though it has been referenced by countless other works since then.
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