For complete spoilers, follow the link to what you're looking for. Most quests open up according to your level. Your progress in most of the quests can be tracked in the Quest Log.
- 1 The Council of Loathing Quests
- 2 Guild Quests
- 3 Miscellaneous Quests
- 4 Other Accomplishments
- 5 Quests That Don't Appear in Your Quest Log
- 6 Retired Quests
The Council of Loathing Quests
- Level 1 – Toot Oriole Quest ("Toot!") (tutorial; first ascension only)
- Level 2 – Spooky Forest Quest ("Looking for a Larva in All the Wrong Places")
- Level 3 – Typical Tavern Quest ("Ooh, I Think I Smell a Rat")
- Level 4 – Boss Bat Quest ("Ooh, I Think I Smell a Bat.")
- Level 5 – The King of Cobb's Knob Quest ("The Goblin Who Wouldn't Be King")
- Level 6 – Deep Fat Friars' Gate Quest ("Trial By Friar")
- Level 7 – Undefile the Cyrpt Quest ("Cyrptic Emanations")
- Level 8 – Mt. McLargeHuge Quest ("Am I my Trapper's Keeper?")
- Level 9 – Strange Leaflet Quest (optional)
- Level 9 – Orc Chasm Quest ("There Can Be Only One Topping")
- Level 10 – Giant Trash Quest ("The Rain on the Plains is Mainly Garbage")
- Level 11 – Quest for the Holy MacGuffin ("<Player Name> and the Quest for the Holy MacGuffin")
- Level 12 – Mysterious Island Quest ("Make War, Not... Oh, Wait")
- Level 13 – Naughty Sorceress Quest ("The Ultimate Final Epic Conflict of the Ages")
Note that newly-ascended characters can't complete the Toot Oriole's Quest again. They should still visit Mt. Noob for a special delivery.
All other Council quests (except the Strange Leaflet Quest) must be completed before the Naughty Sorceress Quest becomes available.
These quests are given by the NPCs in your Guild Hall, and most only become available when your base mainstat is high enough.
- Bitchin' Meatcar Quest ("My Other Car Is Made of Meat")
- Mainstat 11 - "The Wizard of Ego" (second part requires mainstat 18)
- Mainstat 34 - White Citadel Quest ("<Player Name> and <Familiar Name> Go To White Citadel") (If you do not have a familiar with you, the familiar name defaults to Kumar.)
- Mainstat 100 - Dwarven Factory Quest ("<Player Name>'s Delivery Service")
- Mainstat 12 - Legendary Epic Weapon Quest (part of the Me and My Nemesis Quest)
- Mainstat 25 - The Dark and Dank and Sinister Cave
- Mainstat 45-90 - Me and My Nemesis (The Secret Tropical Island Volcano Lair)
Each stage of the Nemesis quest requires the completion of the previous stage. Similarly, the series of quests given by "Paco" (the quest-giver in the back of the guild) unlock in order.
Regular Quests (given out by an NPC to all players)
- Spookyraven Manor Quest
- Azazel, Ma Belle ("Angry <Player Name>, this is Azazel in Hell.")
- Sea Quests
- "An Old Guy and The Ocean"
- Sea Monkees Quest ("Hey, Hey, They're Sea Monkees")
- Defend the Gourd Quest ("Out of Your Gourd")
- Doc Galaktik's Quest for Herbs ("What's Up, Doc?")
- Pretentious Artist Quest ("Suffering For His Art")
- Untinker Quest ("Driven Crazy")
- The Bounty Hunter Hunter's Daily Quest ("A Bounty Hunter Is You!")
- "The Shirt Off His Lack of Back"
- "The Pretty Good Escape"
- "Helping Make Ends Meat" ("The Meatsmith wants you to recover his check from the Skeleton Store in Market Square")
- Hippy Boatman Quest ("Give a Hippy a Boat...")
- Madness Bakery ("Lending a Hand (and a Foot)")
- "Dakota" Fanning ("The Hidden Legend of the Temple")
Adventure Quests (found via adventuring in specific zone)
- Harold's Hammer Quest ("Hammer Time")
- Baker Quest ("Baker, Baker")
- Wounded Guard Quest ("When Rocks Attack")
- Cap'm Caronch Quest ("I Rate, You Rate")
- "A Quest, LOL"
- This was formerly the level 9 Council quest, until it was replaced on November 15, 2012 and became optional.
Moon Sign Specific
- Mayor Zapruder Quests ("A Bugbear of a Problem") - Mongoose/Wallaby/Vole signs.
- Marty's Quest ("Marty and His Swamp Problems") - Platypus/Opossum/Marmot signs
- Gnorbert's Quest ("Going Postal") - Wombat/Blender/Packrat signs
Gated Quests (found in zones accessed via Content Unlockers)
- Memory Quests (Empty agua de vida bottle)
- "Scapegoat" (Antique painting of a landscape)
- "The Quest for the Legendary Beat" (Antique record album)
- "Repair the Elves' Shield Generator" (Transporter transponder)
- 31337 Scroll Quest
- Altar of Literacy Quest
- Beanstalk Quest (part of the Giant Trash Quest)
- Dolphin King's Map Quest
- Dr. Hobo's Map Quest
- Most Extreme Haiku Challenge
- The Secret of the Dungeons of Doom
- Slug Lord's Map Quest
- Spooky Temple Map Quest
- Unlocking The Castle in the Clouds in the Sky (part of the Giant Trash Quest)
Quests That Don't Appear in Your Quest Log
- Dwarven Factory Complex Puzzle
- Around the World Quest
- El Vibrato Island Quest
- Mysterious Island of Mystery Side-Quests
- Pagoda Quest
- Silver Shrimp Fork Quest
- Lights Out Quest
- Zap Quest
- On October 32 (November 1st), 2005, The Council of Loathing gave the Zombie Cure Quest/Doc Galaktik's Quest for a Cure to everyone. The Gray Plague and its quests were ended on November 6th, 2005, after the entire population of the Kingdom was vaccinated. The sick ones, anyway.
- On December 31, 2014, the level 13 quest was revamped. The old quest title was "The Final Ultimate Epic Final Conflict".