Quirky indie-rock accordionist

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Quirky indie-rock accordionist
Monster ID 1454
Locations Wandering Monster
Hit Points  ?
Attack Scales with player stats
Defense Scales with player stats
Initiative 0
Meat None
Phylum dude
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts unknown
a suspicious address
Accordion quirky accordion
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
quirky indie-rock accordionist You're fighting quirky indie-rock accordionist

This accordionist looks like Jesus (or so they say), but he can play an accordion like the devil himself. He used to work for minimum wage, hee-ya, but he made a deal with a DJ and now his polkas are famous (but he's still actual size).

He grimaces at you, plays a weird little chord progression, and prepares to beat you into particles, man.

Hit Message(s):

He tosses you onto Toddler Highway. You get run over by a bunch of kids riding Big Wheels. Ouch! Eek! Argh!

He bends your spine until you're dragging your feet across your back. Eek! Argh! Ouch!

He rolls out some nanobots. They rearrange your <ear> at a sub-atomic level. It's surprisingly painful. Ugh! Eek! Oof!

He convinces a passing cyclops to throw a rock at you. It breaks your heart, and your <arm>. Argh! Ow! Oof!

His face becomes a paper-white mask of evil. It's downright spine-tingling. Oof! Eek! Oof!

He shoves you into a snail shell. You're disinclined to thank him for doing so. Ooh! Argh! Argh!

Critical Hit Message:

He bashes you in the face over and over with his accordion. It's like he won't be done 'til your head falls off! You tell him you can't get around how he gets around, but nothing stops him once he's started. Oof! Argh! Eek!

Miss Message(s):

He tries to toss you onto Toddler Highway, but you decline.

He tries to bend your spine, but you remind him that the spine surfs alone.

He rolls out some nanobots, but you line the nanobots up before they can hurt you.

He tries to convince a passing cyclops to throw a rock at you, but the cyclops breaks his heart

His face becomes a paper-white mask of evil, but he looks where your eyes don't go, so it's all right.

He tries to shove you into a snail shell, but you tell him you prefer his earlier work.

Fumble Message:

He stops to observe the nightgown of the sullen moon, and tells you a sad tale about a guy named Mister Me, and how sad he ended up. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat


  • This is a wandering monster.
  • Accordion Thieves can steal a quirky accordion by using Steal Accordion.
  • a suspicious address is a one time drop that may drop from any of the wandering accordionists.
  • If you are an Accordion Thief and haven't stolen an accordion from this monster today, this text is added to the introduction:
    You notice that the accordionist is carrying an accordion. You also notice that the accordionist has a face and two arms and two legs.
  • If you then cast Steal Accordion:
    You snatch the accordion. He pulls another one out of his bag to replace it.
    Acc7.gifYou acquire an item: quirky accordion



  • This monster is based on John Linnell, the accordion-playing half of They Might Be Giants.
  • Almost every one of the attack, miss, and fumble messages are references to TMBG songs.
    • The description references the songs "Kiss Me, Son Of God", "Minimum Wage", "Hey Mr. DJ, I Thought You Said We Had a Deal", "The Famous Polka", "She's Actual Size", and "Particle Man".
    • The combat messages reference the songs "Toddler Hiway", "Spine", "Nanobots", "Cyclops Rock", "Turn Around", "Snail Shell", "Till My Head Falls Off", "Don't Let's Start", "The Spine Surfs Alone", "Where Your Eyes Don't Go", "Nightgown of the Sullen Moon", and "Mr. Me".