Renaissance Giant

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Renaissance Giant
Monster ID 1335
Locations The Castle in the Clouds in the Sky (Ground Floor)
Hit Points 150
Attack 125
Defense 110
Initiative 40
Meat 80-120
Phylum humanoid
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts head, arm, leg, torso
Drops
giant turkey leg, Ye Olde Bawdy Limerick, Ye Olde Meade, Ye Olde Medieval Insult
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
Renaissance Giant You're fighting a Renaissance Giant

Verily, this giant doth live in a medieval fantasy world with castles, knights, and swordplay! I mean, so does everybody else in the Kingdom. But this giant's fantasy world is a little different; he wears a fedora and a kilt, swigs Mountain Stream soda out of a leather mug, and talks on a cellular phone while dueling with a sword.

Okay, so all of those are things one could do in the Kingdom of Loathing, too. Huh. Anyway, this guy is really devoted to a fantastical version of medieval history that never existed, and enjoys eating huge turkey legs while watching a Liberal Arts major juggle chainsaws.

Hit Message(s):

'Swounds! He juggles three flaming torches and burns you with one! Ugh! Ugh! Ow! (hot damage)

He says, "prithee, good sir, wouldst thou like a Dyspepsi-Cola?" and bonks a can of it off of your head. Ow! Argh! Ow!

Zounds! He hath smacked you most sharply with the blade of his wooden sword! Eek! Ugh! Ow!

Forsooth! He hath flung medieval insults at you about the sexual proclivities of your mother! Your feelings feel sorely wounded. Ugh! Ooh! Eek!

Verily, he doth bonk you on the noggin with his leather mug. Ow! Ugh! Ow!

Critical Hit Message:

He lifts up his kilt to reveal the dark horrors that lurk within! Just kidding. He's actually wearing underwear, thank the gods, but then he stomps on you with his big leather boots. Argh! Argh! Argh!

Miss Message(s):

He juggles a few flaming torches, which is mildly entertaining for a bit.

He says, "prithee, good sir, wouldst thou like a Dyspepsi-Cola?" and doesn't even have the decency to be slightly embarrassed.

He smacks you with his wooden sword, but it's too blunt to do damage.

He tries to fling medieval insults at you, but you point out "yo' mama so fat when she wears yellow, people think she's a school bus" is anachronistic.

He tries to hit you with his leather mug, but you dodge the mug shot.

Fumble Message:

You ask him what he wears underneath his kilt. "Well, gee--I mean, zounds, I always wisheth someone wouldst ask that of me, but now that someone has I feel oddly shy," he says, blushing. (FUMBLE!)


After Combat

Meat.gifYou gain ?81-115? Meat
Bigturkeyleg.gifYou acquire an item: giant turkey leg (10% chance)*
Limerickscroll.gifYou acquire an item: Ye Olde Bawdy Limerick (25% chance)*
Jarl rum.gifYou acquire an item: Ye Olde Meade (15% chance)*
Yeinsult.gifYou acquire an item: Ye Olde Medieval Insult (25% chance)*

Occurs at the The Castle in the Clouds in the Sky (Ground Floor).

References

  • Both "zounds" and "'swounds" are shortened forms of "God's wounds", and archaic minorly offensive oaths ("medieval insults").