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You make your way into a crudely-constructed fortress to find a tall, bald man busily tinkering with something at a cluttered workbench.
He turns to you as you enter.
"You don't look like a hobo, so you don't look like my enemy. So if you're not my enemy, you must be the enemy of my enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend, so I guess you're welcome here."
He turns back to his workbench.
|Who are you?|
"Me? I'm Richard. They used to call me Shannon, but that was a long time ago. Different place, different world.
Now I'm Richard. Just Richard."
|What are you doing down here?|
"When I found myself over here, I got a job workin' the railyards in Seaside Town. I'm sure it could've gone differently, but without Harry to tell me what to do, I had to take what I could get. Big guy, no identification, hardly any memory, I didn't have a lot of options.
I was workin' as a bull. Security, like. Keepin' the hobos off of the trains, that kind of thing.
After a while, though, they realized that there weren't actually any trains. Those tracks, y'know, they don't actually go anywhere. So they fired me.
The next few days are sort of a blur. I spent the rest of my last paycheck at the Typical Tavern, and each night I'd stumble back to town and sleep in the gutter. One day, though, I didn't wake up in the gutter. I woke up down here.
I never did figure out what this place is, exactly, but I know who lives here -- hobos. Hundreds and hundreds of 'em. Even though I'm not a railyard bull any more, I still hate 'em.
I'm not strong enough to deal with 'em on my own, but I've got my tricks. There are steam tunnels all throughout this place. The hobos don't know about 'em, but I do -- I know every inch of 'em like the back of my hand.
I stay out of sight, and I build traps, and I bide my time."
|Is there anything I can do to help?|
"You look pretty tough. Tougher than me, that's for sure. I think you stand a chance against 'em head on. Go in there and knock 'em down, kid. Knock 'em down, and I'll help you to whatever extent I can.
You can also help me out in here, if you want to. I've learned to make pretty good bandages -- these slobs leave rags all over the place, but it takes time for me to clean 'em and get 'em woven together right. Or you could help me make some riot grenades. They'll knock any hobo out for a while, but it takes a real steady hand to make 'em."
And I can occasionally summon up the strength to knock one of the hobos around a little bit, but I need protein shakes to give me the energy it takes to make a real difference. I make 'em here in this antique hand-cranked blender.
Richard currently has X bandages.
|Help Richard make bandages|
Richard currently has X grenades.
|Help Richard make grenades.|
Richard currently has X protein shakes.
|Help Richard make protein shakes|
Oh, and if you bring me enough hobo bits, I can put together a scarehobo. A scarehobo is a... well, it's about what you'd expect from the name.
Richard has X pairs of charred hobo boots.
Richard has X pairs of frozen hobo eyes.
Richard has X piles of stinking hobo guts.
Richard has X creepy hobo skull.
Richard has X hobo crotch(es).
|Ask Richard to make a scarehobo|
- If no hobos are left:
There wouldn't be much point to making a scarehobo now -- there aren't enough hobos left to scare!
- If there are hobos left in Hobopolis Town Square:
Richard quickly assembles a bunch of hobo parts into a crude simulacrum of a hobo. He props it up on a pole and carries it out into the Town Square.
He comes back five minutes later with a grin on his face.
"Oh man, you should've seen it. They all walked up, saying 'Hey man, how's it goin'?' and then BLAM!"
- If only one scarehobo is made:
He giggles maniacally.
- If two scarehobos are made:
He giggles maniacally, then repeats the process and returns again.
- If three scarehobos are made:
He giggles maniacally, then repeats the process and returns again. Quite pleased with himself, he makes a third, disappears into Town Square, and comes back after a few moments, flush with maddened laughter.
- If nine scarehobos are made:
He giggles maniacally, then says "I can do it! I can do it nine times," before sauntering back to the Town Square with the remainder of the scarehobos.
- Else if N scarehobos are made:
He giggles maniacally, then repeats the process and returns again. Quite pleased with himself, he makes a third, disappears into Town Square, and comes back after a few moments, flush with maddened laughter. You're way too busy to watch this [1 more time|(N-3) more times], so you sneak out and leave him to his work, confident that his amusement with scaring hobos with grisly, macabre totems will keep him on task.
- Located in Hobopolis Town Square.
- Each scarehobo kills 6-10 hobos.
- Helping Richard create things takes one adventure per item and gives substats.
- If clan members help Richard create things, he will be able to use those things in battle to help anyone in the clan adventuring in Hobopolis. He is called from the skills menu during combat. These things can be created and then used while a clan member is in battle.
- Bandages correspond to Mysticality, and allow you to Ask Richard for a Bandage, healing in combat.
- Grenades correspond to Moxie, and allow you to Ask Richard for a Grenade, stunning your opponents.
- Protein shakes correspond to Muscle, and allow you to Ask Richard to Rough the Hobo Up a Bit, doing damage.
- Substat gains from helping make stuff seem close to the gains from Sign Gyms.
- You can help Richard while falling-down drunk.
- Hobo parts are lost when the dungeon is reset.
- Hobo parts are created by overkilling Normal hobos with various elements. (See the Normal hobo page for more information.)
- Richard is a reference to Richard Moll, best known for his role in the 1980s sitcom Night Court as bailiff Bull Shannon. Harry would be a reference to the judge from that show, Judge Harry Stone, played by Harry Anderson.
- By extension, a "bull" or "railroad bull" is someone employed by a Railroad company to keep hobos off their trains -often forcefully.
- "I'm Richard. Just Richard" is a reference to Neverwhere.
- The concept of Richard finding himself in an alternate "down here" is based on the premise in Neverwhere.
- The job Richard does may be a reference to Father Grigori from the Half-Life games, a man who stays in a zombie infested city and builds traps for them.
- "I can do it! I can do it nine times" comes from the Strong Bad Emails "crazy cartoon" and "virus" on Homestar Runner, where Strong Bad says this to Homestar before kicking him the appropriate number of times in the face, and where The Ugly One says the same to The King of Town before proceeding with a similar amount of slaps to the face.