Ron "The Weasel" Copperhead
|Ron "The Weasel" Copperhead|
|Locations||The Red Zeppelin|
|Monster Parts||head, arm, leg, torso|
A huge armchair spins around to reveal a pale, orange-haired man sitting and stroking a huge brown rat. "So you're the one who's been making such a ruckus aboard my little airship," he says, "you've really thrown off our timetable, you know."
"All right, ginger, who are you and what's your game?" you snarl.
"Ginger? Is that what they're calling it now? I suppose we'll have to change the name of the army," he muses. "They used to call me 'redhead.' Redhead! Because I have orange hair! What folly! So I formed the Red Army. Soon we'll take the Big Mountains, then the Plains, then the whole Kingdom! They'll never laugh at Ron "The Weasel" Copperhead again!"
And with that, he picks up the rat he was stroking and swallows it whole. Yikes!
He knees you in the groin. Ugh! Ow!
He tosses a big brown rat at you. It scabbers up and down your body, biting hither and yon. Ow! Argh!
He punches you in the <knee>, that soulless monster.
He pulls out a red pistol and fire a shot at you. The bullet isn't red when he fires it, but it's red when it finishes going through your <groin>. Ugh! Argh!
You ask him if the carpet matches the drapes, and he looks confused, then furious, and throws a flurry of punches. Argh! Ouch!
He calls in a couple of his red-headed goons to beat you like a red-headed stepchild. The irony of it is not lost on you, especially when someone beats you with a tire iron. Oof! Ooh!
He tries to knee you in the groin, but you dodge.
He throws a rat at you, but you smell it coming and dodge.
He tries to punch you in the <nipple>, but lacks the soul to do it properly.
He pulls out a red pistol and fires it at you, but it turns out the pistol's just a red herring.
He throws a copperhead snake at you, but you use your head and dodge.
You ask him if the carpet matches the drapes. He gets angry, but you insist you were just questioning his interior decorator.
He stops to listen to a little soul music, but gets frustrated when he can't bob his head in time to the beat. (FUMBLE!)
- Upon being defeated:
Ron Copperhead slumps over, hissing and writhing. "You may beat me," he says through clenched teeth, "but the Red Army will rise! Our hair is red! Red as blood! Red as...flame!"
"What's the matter with you?" you ask. "Where's your humanity?"
"Oh, the humanity," Ron says sarcastically, rolling his eyes, "I reject the humanity! I embrace the snake within! Like a snake, we will rise from the ashes!"
"Um...I think you're thinking about phoenixes, right? The bird? Rising from the metaphorical ashes?"
"No," Ron says, "I'm not speaking metaphorically at all." He reaches over and knocks down one of the hydrogen tanks used to keep the zeppelin inflated.
"No, don't--" you say, but before you can stop him, he flicks a lighter and the canister rockets across the floor, spewing flame in every direction.
"If the Red Zeppelin goes down," he says, coughing, "it goes down...in...flames."
|You gain 200-300 Meat (average: 250, stdev: 20.82)*|
|You acquire an item: Copperhead Charm (rampant) (100% chance)*|
Occurs at The Red Zeppelin.
- If you do not defeat him the first time you encounter him, you will have to fight additional monsters in the zone before having another chance.