Smut orc jacker

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Smut orc jacker
Monster ID 1230
Locations The Smut Orc Logging Camp
Hit Points 69
Attack 69
Defense 69
No-Hit 79
Initiative 50
Meat 24-36
Phylum orc
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts head, arm, leg, torso
orcish hand lotion, orc wrist, hardening cream
Quest long hard screw, messy butt joint, morningwood plank, raging hardwood plank, thick caulk, weirdwood plank
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
smut orc jacker You're fighting a smut orc jacker

This orc is in charge of cutting down, or "jacking," the lumber used in smut orc construction. He's not a jacker-of-all-trades, just the lumberjack trade.

For lunch he enjoys flapjacks, apple jacks, and jackfruit.

Hit Message(s):

He splits a log with his axe. One part hits you in the <neck>, and one in the <nipple>. Ooh! Ow!

He hits you in the nipple with his lumberjack axe. Those are the facts. Eek! Ow!

He axes you in the <arm>. You wish he would have axed you a question instead. Ow! Ugh!

He cuts down a tree and it lands on your <groin>, jacking you up pretty seriously. Ouch! Eek!

Critical Hit Message:

He pounds a handful of stakes into you to use as footholds to climb up your body. The entire process is quite unpleasant. Ouch! Eek! Ooh!

Miss Message(s):

He tries to axe you in the <knee>, but he's too lax in his axing.

He yells, "timberrrrrr!" which gives you plenty of time to get out of the way.

He tries to hit you with his lumberjack axe, but you axe him why he wants to do that.

He splits a log with his axe. At least he isn't splitting hairs.

Fumble Message:

You point out that with all the jacking he's doing, he's been neglecting his lumbering. He lumbers off to correct the issue. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Meat.gifYou gain 24-36 Meat. (average: 30, stdev: 2.83)*
Orcwrist.gifYou acquire an item: orc wrist (5.3% chance)*
Handlotion.gifYou acquire an item: orcish hand lotion (14.6% chance)*
Creamtube.gifYou acquire an item: hardening cream (5% chance)*
Plank2.gifYou acquire an item: "appropriate" piece of lumber (100% chance)*
Longscrew.gifYou acquire an item: "appropriate" fastener (10.0% chance)*
You gain 18-20 <substat>.


  • Lumber and fasteners only drop when you have not yet completed the bridge over The Orc Chasm.
  • Wielding a logging hatchet causes an extra piece of lumber to drop about half the time.
  • Having a loadstone in your off-hand causes an extra fastener to drop about half the time.


  • Prior to the update on February 20th, 2019, the monster had 65 HP, 75 Attack and 70 Defense.


  • The monster's stats being all 69 refers to the sex position (NSFW).