Sorority Nurse

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Sorority Nurse
Monster ID 508
Locations The Battlefield (War Hippy Fatigues)
Hit Points 200
Attack 170
Defense 157
No-Hit 185
Initiative 30
Meat None
Phylum orc
Elements sleaze
Resistance None
Monster Parts arm, head, leg, torso
Drops
energy drink IV, gauze garter, gauze garter, kick-ass kicks, PADL Phone
Manuel scrunchie tourniquet
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
Sorority Nurse You're fighting a Sorority Nurse

This is, like, a pre-med student at whatever university the frat boys attend? And she, like, joined a sorority because sisterhood is almost as important as, like, saving people? And the frat boys, like, totally recruited her to help out on the battlefield?

Hit Message(s):

She forces a pill down your mouth, then says "oops, that was supposed to be a suppository?" Well, that explains the flavor. Eek! Ow! Ugh! Ouch! (sleaze damage)

She notices a cut on your neck and wraps gauze around it. Around your neck, that is. And a little too tightly for comfort. *gasp!* Eek! Eek! Argh! Ow!

She notices a cut on your arm and pours rubbing alcohol in it. "It's, like, for sanitation?" she says, while you howl in agony. Eek! Ugh! Oof! Eek!

She hits your knee with a hammer to test your reflexes. You scream and tell her doctors usually use a rubber mallet, not a ball-peen hammer. Argh! Ow! Oof! Ouch!

Critical Hit Message:

She fills a giant syringe with some glowing green liquid and pokes you with it. You develop a superpower, which is the amazing ability to writhe on the floor in horrible pain. Eek! Ugh! Ugh! Ouch!

Miss Message(s):

She tries to give you a suppository, but you're not going for any of that kinky stuff.

She applies gauze to one of your wounds. It doesn't help much, but it doesn't hurt.

She tries to test your reflexes, but you reflexively dodge.

She tries to pour rubbing alcohol on your wounds, but you tell her the frat boys would be mad at her for wasting alcohol.

Fumble Message:

She puts a band-aid on your <giblets> and rips it off really fast. Fortunately, you don't have any hair on your <thigh>, so it didn't hurt at all. (FUMBLE!)


After Combat

Energyiv.gifYou acquire an item: energy drink IV (18.5% chance)*
Gauzegarter.gifYou acquire an item: gauze garter (20.2% chance)*
Gauzegarter.gifYou acquire an item: gauze garter (7.3% chance)*
Kicks.gifYou acquire an item: kick-ass kicks (1.8% chance)*
Padl.gifYou acquire an item: PADL Phone (3.0% chance)*
You gain 42-43 <substat>.

Occurs at The Battlefield (War Hippy Fatigues).

References

  • The critical hit message may be a reference to The 4400, which involves a glowing green liquid Promicin, which either gives its recipient a superpower or kills the recipient.
  • It also may be a reference to the 8 November 2006 edition of the webcomic Basic Instructions