Staff of the Kitchen Floor

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Staff of the Kitchen Floor
Staff of the Kitchen Floor

This chefstaff is imbued with all of the power, fortitude, and crustiness of the Platonic ideal of a kitchen floor. Especially the part underneath the refrigerator. Seriously, doesn't anybody ever clean under there?

Type: weapon (1-handed chefstaff)
Damage: 1 - 2
Mysticality Required: 125
Selling Price: 25 Meat.
Cannot be traded

Spell Damage +150%
+20 Damage to Stench Spells
Regenerate 8-10 MP per adventure

(In-game plural: Staves of the Kitchen Floor)
View metadata
Item number: 2826
Description ID: 716016442
View in-game: view


Chefstaff8.gif linoleum staff 3 stanky hi meins stinky mushroom wine 10 stench wads fetid feather
Equals.gif Staff of the Kitchen Floor

In Combat

Jiggle your Staff of the Kitchen Floor

You jiggle the chefstaff and pound it against the ground. Tendrils of green mildew sprout from the spot you struck, and zigzag toward your opponent, enveloping him in a foul green cloud and dealing 35-40 damage.


You smack it for X damage, then tell it if pro can't take the pain, get out of the kitchen. Floor. WHAMMO! SPLAT! WHAMMO!
You whack it with your Staff of the Kitchen Floor, completely flooring it and doing X damage. ZOT! SMACK! BOOF!
You whack it with your Staff of the Kitchen Floor, smearing various cruft on it and doing X damage. WHAM! BARF! POW!


  • You can only jiggle your staff once per fight.


  • Platonic idealism is the theory that the substantive reality around us is only a reflection of a higher truth. Me neither, read the Wiki page.
  • In other words, the Platonic Ideal of a kitchen floor is the way kitchen floors in general look in your mind, even if no real kitchen floor looks that way.
  • Which means that the staff is exactly what you think it is, since no further description is given. A self referential description on a magical item, how droll!

See Also


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