Stuffed Mortar Shell

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Stuffed Mortar Shell

Stuffed Mortar Shell

Type: Combat Spell
MP Cost: 8
usable once per fight

This spell summons a massive mortar shell made of pasta and stuffed with various flavors of arcane shrapnel. This bomb bursting in air will give proof through the night that your foe has suffered some serious trauma.

Source: Guild Trainer
Price: 3,250 Meat
Class: Pastamancer
Level: 8
Effect: Deals (32-64)+(0.5*Mys) elemental or physical damage, which hits one round after the spell is cast.
When Used:
When cast:

You call forth a stuffed mortar shell and launch it into the air.

One round after it was cast:

There is a deafening shriek, and the mortar shell strikes the ground in front of your foe, bursting open and showering it with <something>, dealing X damage.


  • This spell may be tuned to a specific element using Flavour of Magic or equipment. If untuned, it deals damage using a random element, or physical damage.
  • The following are the various flavors of arcane shrapnel that may be summoned:
Element Messages
  • barrels of flaming pitch
  • burning hobo drums
  • burning tires
  • campfires
  • five-gallon jugs of Tabasco sauce
  • flaming logs
  • propane tanks
  • red metal barrels
  • 2-lb. blocks of frozen hamburger meat
  • 5-gallon tubs of vanilla ice cream
  • baby polar bears
  • busts of Andie MacDowell carved out of snow
  • huge blocks of dry ice
  • igloo bricks
  • industrial-size bags of frozen peas
  • open mini-fridges
  • solid ice swan centerpieces
  • coffin lids
  • defiled altars
  • elephant skulls
  • possessed televisions
  • skeletons
  • tombstones
  • voodoo tiki statues
  • witches' cauldrons
  • compost heaps
  • decomposing buffalo corpses
  • hog carcasses
  • overflowing trash cans
  • pallets of rotten eggs
  • rotting pumpkins
  • summertime garbage bags
  • 5 lb. bricks of lard
  • huge slabs of raw bacon
  • inflatable dummies
  • lingerie-clad dressmaker's dummies
  • lingerie-clad mannequins
  • naked mannequin torsos
  • pornographic encyclopedias
  • stacks of dirty magazines
  • vintage erotic video box sets
  • bowling balls
  • cannonballs
  • cast iron shot-put balls
  • cinder blocks
  • sawblades
  • sledgehammers
  • Against opponents that count as multiple opponents (see Group Monsters), the spell hits up to 3 opponents, doubling or tripling the damage.
  • The damage is determined on the round when the shell explodes, not on the round when the spell was cast. This is relevant if, for example, you become poisoned after casting the spell.



  • April 10, 2008 was Pastamancer Appreciation Day. This spell was changed from Cone of Whatever.
  • The cost of this spell was reduced three times in 2009: from 19 MP to 17 MP on July 23; to 15 MP on July 28; and to 13 MP on August 5.
  • During the Pastamancer/Sauceror dual-revamp on November 14, 2013 this skill was greatly altered. It previously hit in the round it was cast and it dealt (16-40)+floor(Mys/4) damage, where Mys was capped at 120. In the revamp, the cost was reduced to 8 MP; the spell damage was increased (and caps removed); the 1-round delay was added; and the once-per-fight restriction was added.
  • Its previous use message was:
You call forth a stuffed mortar shell. It flies toward your opponent in a wide arc, bursting in the air above <him> and pelting <him> with <something>.
  • The contents of the mortar shell were drawn from a word pool:
    • Hot
      • arson
      • boiling milk
      • fire ants
      • magma
      • malfunctioning microwaves
      • napalm
    • Cold
      • 5-gallon buckets of ice cream
      • blocks of ice
      • Ex-Girlfriends
      • frozen turkeys
      • ice sculptures of swans
      • liquid nitrogen
    • Spooky
      • grinning skulls
      • hauntedness
      • scary clowns
      • skellingtons
      • witches
    • Stench
      • dirty diapers
      • filthy baked-on casserole dishes
      • garbage juice
      • hobo vomit
      • wet dogs
    • Sleaze
      • **CENSORED**
      • scandalous lingerie
      • nudity
      • lewd magazines
      • strippers
    • Physical
      • buckets
      • cinder blocks
      • ninja stars
      • pitchforks
      • sawblades
  • Against groups, the combat message was modified:
You call forth a stuffed mortar shell. It flies toward your opponents in a wide arc, bursting in the air above them and pelting <both/all three/three> of them with <something>, dealing X damage.
  • Untyped bonus damage to this spell was capped at +60 for Pastamancers, +50 for other classes.
  • If your bonus spell damage exceeded the cap, you got the message:
Your ears ring from the explosion.