Susie Soyburger

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Susie Soyburger
Monster ID 964
Locations The Electric Lemonade Acid Parade
Hit Points 90
Attack 50
Defense 36
No-Hit 60
Initiative 50
Meat None
Phylum humanoid
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts head, arm, leg, bun, patty
soyburger juice
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
Susie Soyburger You're fighting Susie Soyburger

This is two all-soy patties, vegan sauce, lettuce, cheese substitute, locally-sourced pickles and onions on a gluten-free bun. She's also eight feet tall, has arms, legs, and a head, and seems intent on stomping you into the pavement.

Hit Message(s):

She pelts you with pickles. Man, that's not kosher. Oof! Argh!

She squeezes you between her buns. Man, that sounds like a lot more fun than it is when you're dealing with Susie Soyburger. Oof! Eek!

She punches you with a soy arm. It's kind of like a soy bomb going off on your <groin>. Argh! Ouch!

She kicks you in the <throat> with one soy leg. The meat is fake; the pain is real. Ugh! Ouch!

Critical Hit Message:

She falls flat on top of you, suffocating you under her cruelty-free, hypoallergenic, locally-sourced, low-carbon-footprint, health-conscious mass. The irony is not lost on you. Ow! Ooh!

Miss Message(s):

She tries to pelt you with pickles, but she's a pathetic pickle pelter.

She tries to squeeze you between her buns, but you're no anaconda, so you don't want that.

She tries to punch you with a soy arm, but her bun gets in the way.

She tries to kick you, but her bun gets in the way.

Fumble Message:

She stops to redistribute some of her soy patties among a crowd of hungry, hungry hippies. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Soysauce.gifYou acquire an item: soyburger juice (100% chance)*

Occurs at The Electric Lemonade Acid Parade (with 1-9 turns of In Your Cups)


  • The first part of the description is based off a famous advertising jingle for the McDonald's Big Mac ("Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame-seed bun.")