The Armory and Leggery

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The Armory and Leggery

[Name], the Armorer and Leggerer runs The Armory and Leggery in Market Square.
The items for sale here are grouped into five categories: Melee Weapons, Ranged Weapons, Utensils, Hats, and Pants.

The Armorer and Leggerer

[Name], the Armorer and Leggerer

"Hey, what are you lookin' at?

Just kidding. Don't worry, I've heard 'em all. All the jokes, all the questions.
Questions like 'How do you make all this gear with no arms or legs?'

Anyway, what can I get for you? Or, umm, what can you get for yourself?"
The sign says there's a sale?

Items Sold

Item: Price:
— Melee Weapons —
Whip.gif cool whip 30 Meat
Katana.gif sweet ninja sword 50 Meat
Suee.gif suede shortsword 300 Meat
25staff.gif 25-meat staff 525 Meat
Bokuto.gif bamboo bokuto 750 Meat
Depthsword.gif two-handed depthsword 900 Meat
Billbec.gif bill bec-de-bardiche glaive-guisarme 1,125 Meat
— Utensils —
Rubberspat.gif rubber spatula 150 Meat
Woodspoon.gif wooden spoon 300 Meat
Reamer.gif crystalline reamer 525 Meat
Grater.gif macroplane grater 750 Meat
Baster.gif bastard baster 900 Meat
Obsnutcracker.gif obsidian nutcracker 1,125 Meat
— Ranged Weapons —
Accordion.gif toy accordion 150 Meat
Shortbow.gif slightly peevedbow 450 Meat
Leadyoyo.gif lead yo-yo 600 Meat
Knobsack.gif sack of doorknobs 825 Meat
Ballnchain.gif lucky ball-and-chain 975 Meat
Catapult.gif automatic catapult 1,125 Meat
— Hats —
Snorkel.gif snorkel 30 Meat
Derby.gif Kentucky-style derby 50 Meat
Pentacorn.gif pentacorn hat 300 Meat
Plumehelm.gif goofily-plumed helmet 525 Meat
Hardhat.gif yellow plastic hard hat 675 Meat
Bowlhelm.gif wooden salad bowl 900 Meat
Fballhelm.gif football helmet 1,125 Meat
Radardish.gif eldritch scanner 50,000 Meat
Fishinhat.gif fishin' hat 10,000 Meat
— Pants —
Boxers.gif studded leather boxer shorts 50 Meat
Monokini.gif chain-mail monokini 225 Meat
Mailpants.gif union scalemail pants 375 Meat
Platepants.gif paper-plate-mail pants 600 Meat
Troutpiece.gif troutpiece 825 Meat
Alphapants.gif alpha-mail pants 1,050 Meat
— 2015 Standard Gear (Normal) —
Polyparachute.gif polyester parachute Wickerbits.gif 1
Polypad.gif polyester pad Wickerbits.gif 1
Polypeeler.gif polyester peeler Wickerbits.gif 1
Polypants.gif polyester pettipants Wickerbits.gif 1
Polyhat.gif polyester panama hat Wickerbits.gif 1
Polypulsera.gif polyester pulsera Wickerbits.gif 1
— 2015 Standard Gear (Hardcore) —
Porcbaton.gif porcelain police baton Bakebits.gif 1
Porcpants.gif porcelain plus-fours Bakebits.gif 1
Porchat.gif porcelain porkpie Bakebits.gif 1
Porcshaker.gif porcelain pepper mill Bakebits.gif 1
Porcpelegrine.gif porcelain pelerine Bakebits.gif 1
Porcmask.gif porcelain phantom mask Bakebits.gif 1
— 2016 Standard Gear (Normal) —
Wickerkickers.gif wicker kickers Aerobits.gif 1
Wickerslicker.gif wicker slicker Aerobits.gif 1
Wickerknickers.gif wicker knickers Aerobits.gif 1
Wickerticker.gif wicker ticker Aerobits.gif 1
Wickersticker.gif wicker sticker Aerobits.gif 1
Wickerclicker.gif wicker clicker Aerobits.gif 1
— 2016 Standard Gear (Hardcore) —
Bakebelt.gif bakelite belt Wroughtbits.gif 1
Bakebadge.gif bakelite badge Wroughtbits.gif 1
Bakebowl.gif bakelite bowl Wroughtbits.gif 1
Bakebrooch.gif bakelite brooch Wroughtbits.gif 1
Bakebreeches.gif bakelite breeches Wroughtbits.gif 1
Bakepack.gif bakelite backpack Wroughtbits.gif 1
— 2017 Standard Gear (Normal) —
Aeroanvil.gif aerogel anvil Gabbits.gif 1
Aeroakubra.gif aerogel akubra Gabbits.gif 1
Aeroapron.gif aerogel apron Gabbits.gif 1
Aeroascot.gif aerogel ascot Gabbits.gif 1
Aeroattache.gif aerogel attache case Gabbits.gif 1
Aeroaccordion.gif aerogel accordion Gabbits.gif 1
— 2017 Standard Gear (Hardcore) —
Wroughtwig.gif wrought-iron wig Fiberbits.gif 1
Wroughtcrank.gif wrought-iron winch crank Fiberbits.gif 1
Wroughtwidget.gif wrought-iron widget Fiberbits.gif 1
Wroughtwhisk.gif wrought-iron whisk Fiberbits.gif 1
Wroughtwalker.gif wrought-iron walker Fiberbits.gif 1
Wroughtpants.gif wrought-iron waders Fiberbits.gif 1
— 2018 Standard Gear (Normal) —
Gabgaiters.gif gabardine gaiters Chalkchunks.gif 1
Gabgarland.gif gabardine garland Chalkchunks.gif 1
Gabgunny.gif gabardine gunnysack Chalkchunks.gif 1
Gabgaribaldi.gif gabardine garibaldi Chalkchunks.gif 1
Gabgirdle.gif gabardine girdle Chalkchunks.gif 1
Gabgloves.gif gabardine gloves Chalkchunks.gif 1
— 2018 Standard Gear (Hardcore) —
Fiberfetish.gif fiberglass fetish Marblechunks.gif 1
Fiberfoil.gif fiberglass foil Marblechunks.gif 1
Fiberfanny.gif fiberglass fannypack Marblechunks.gif 1
Fiberfrock.gif fiberglass frock Marblechunks.gif 1
Fiberfinger.gif fiberglass fingerguard Marblechunks.gif 1
Fiberfedora.gif fiberglass fedora Marblechunks.gif 1
— 2019 Standard Gear (Normal) —
Chalkchapeau.gif chalk chapeau Para bits.gif 1
Chalkchlamys.gif chalk chlamys Para bits.gif 1
Chalkchalice.gif chalk chalice Para bits.gif 1
Chalkchinos.gif chalk chinos Para bits.gif 1
Chalkchain.gif chalk chain Para bits.gif 1
Chalkchoker.gif chalk choker Para bits.gif 1
— 2019 Standard Gear (Hardcore) —
Marblemaebari.gif marble maebari Tc bits.gif 1
Marblemantle.gif marble mantle Tc bits.gif 1
Marblemagnet.gif marble magnet Tc bits.gif 1
Marblebowl.gif marble mignonette bowl Tc bits.gif 1
Marblemedallion.gif marble medallion Tc bits.gif 1
Marblehat.gif marble mariachi hat Tc bits.gif 1
— 2020 Standard Gear (Normal) —
Para bag.gif paraffin punching bag Vel veneer.gif 1
Para hat.gif paraffin pith helmet Vel veneer.gif 1
Para shirt.gif paraffin poncho Vel veneer.gif 1
Para necklace.gif paraffin pendant Vel veneer.gif 1
Para pants.gif paraffin palazzos Vel veneer.gif 1
Para accordion.gif paraffin pseudoaccordion Vel veneer.gif 1
— 2020 Standard Gear (Hardcore) —
Tc truss.gif terra cotta truss Sg bits.gif 1
Tc pants.gif terra cotta trousers Sg bits.gif 1
Tc tongs.gif terra cotta tongs Sg bits.gif 1
Tc cape.gif terra cotta train Sg bits.gif 1
Tc tietack.gif terra cotta tie tack Sg bits.gif 1
Tc tambourine.gif terra cotta tambourine Sg bits.gif 1
— 2021 Standard Gear (Normal) —
Vel voulge.gif velour voulge Loof bits.gif 1
Vel valise.gif velour valise Loof bits.gif 1
Vel vaqueros.gif velour vaqueros Loof bits.gif 1
Vel vambraces.gif velour vambraces Loof bits.gif 1
Vel veil.gif velour veil Loof bits.gif 1
Vel viscometer.gif velour viscometer Loof bits.gif 1
— 2021 Standard Gear (Hardcore) —
Sg stetson.gif stained glass stetson Fs bits.gif 1
Sg serape.gif stained glass serape Fs bits.gif 1
Sg shiv.gif stained glass shiv Fs bits.gif 1
Sg shield.gif stained glass shield Fs bits.gif 1
Sg suspenders.gif stained glass suspenders Fs bits.gif 1
Sg spectacles.gif stained glass spectacles Fs bits.gif 1
— 2022 Standard Gear (Normal) —
Loof hat.gif loofah lumberjack's hat Chifbits.gif 1
Loof ladle.gif loofah ladle Chifbits.gif 1
Loof pants.gif loofah lederhosen Chifbits.gif 1
Loof lavalier.gif loofah lavalier Chifbits.gif 1
Loof warmers.gif loofah legwarmers Chifbits.gif 1
Loof lei.gif loofah lei Chifbits.gif 1
— 2022 Standard Gear (Hardcore) —
Fs fez.gif flagstone fez Cerabits.gif 1
Fs fleece.gif flagstone fleece Cerabits.gif 1
Fs flail.gif flagstone flail Cerabits.gif 1
Fs flag.gif flagstone flag Cerabits.gif 1
Fs flipflops.gif flagstone flip-flops Cerabits.gif 1
Fs fringe.gif flagstone fringe Cerabits.gif 1


  • The shopkeeper's name varies from character to character, and changes with each ascension, though the filename of the image is 'matt.gif'. Reported aliases are Art, Bill, Bob, Jack, Matt, Sandy, Warren as well as the duo of Kurt 'n Rod who look like this:
The Armorer and Leggerer

Kurt 'n Rod, the Armorer and Leggerer, Respectively

"Hey, what are you lookin' at?

Just kidding. Don't worry, we've heard 'em all. All the jokes, all the questions. Questions like 'How do you make all this gear with no arms or legs?'

Anyway, what can we get for you? Or, umm, what can you get for yourself?"

  • The sections for standard ascension gear from previous years only appear if you have the relevant currency (ex: wickerbits, bakelite bits, etc).
  • In a Zombie Slayer run, the store is closed:
As you approach the Armory & Leggery, the first thing you notice is the large number of motionless corpses lying around, many of them with some or all of their head blown off, and the rest with crossbow bolts sticking out of their eyes.
As you ponder the scene, a zombie shuffles up to see what you're doing. "Graaaa-urk!" he says, as a flaming arrow sails out of the window of the A&L and into his ear. It's at this point that you decide that maybe you should steer clear of the town's largest and best-defended weapons cache.
Looks like the Armorer and Leggerer felt like the risk of losing additional limbs due to mutation was too great. They packed up and left the store barren.



  • The shopkeeper's different names refer to a series of jokes which always start out with, "What do you call a man with no arms and no legs..."
  • "...lying in front of a door? A: Matt."
  • "...hanging from a wall? A: Art."
  • "...stuck in a mailbox? A: Bill."
  • "...floating in the water? A: Bob."
  • "...underneath a car? A: Jack."
  • "...on a beach? A: Sandy."
  • "...with fifty rabbits stuck up his butt? A: Warren."
  • "...two men with no arms, no legs, and stuck on top of a window? A: Kurt 'n Rod."