The Council of Loathing/Avatar of Sneaky Pete

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In the Avatar of Sneaky Pete special challenge path, The Council of Loathing appreciate your innate coolness with a different manner of speech.

  • Initial text / before visiting the Toot Oriole:
Adventurer, you -- oh, wow. You're really cool. Let me see if we can use the slang someone of your status would understand.
<Homeboy/Homegirl>, you should get the 411 from the Toot Oriole, because that cat has got some mad knowledge.
No, he's a bird, literally. 'Cat' is just slang for...never mind.
  • After visiting the Toot Oriole, but before reading King Ralph's Note:
I know you're probably hella salty busy, and you probably get lots of fan mail, but there's a letter we gave you that you should totes read.
  • After reading King Ralph's note:
Oh, wow, you're really cool. Like, really, really cool. Um, we'll try to speak a language you can understand:
Yo, <cowboy/cowgirl>, I think you've got to buff up a little before you can help us out. Maybe go scope the scene, get jiggy on some monsters, and come back later? Tubular.
You could peep the Outskirts of Cobb's Knob, in the Nearby Plains.
Or chill with the phantom foodstuffs in the Haunted Pantry -- you can find it on the Right Side of the Tracks.
You should mos' def hit up the Sleazy Back Alley on the Wrong Side of the Tracks. But you didn't hear it from us.
Check you later!
  • When no quests are available:
Hey, <dude/dudette>, we're all out of crap for you to do right now. Time for you to go rock the party, right?
We don't have any jelly that you're ready for, homeslice. Hit us up later.

Quests

Level 2 - Spooky Forest Quest

  • Initial text:
Uh, hey, <dude/dudette>, we could use some help if you're not mad busy. We need a mosquito larva. We won't bore you with our totes lame reasons why. You can find them in the Spooky Forest, in the Distant Woods. We'd be hella salty grateful if you could snag us one, yo.
  • Subsequent times:
Hey, homes, we still need that mosquito larva. We'll totally do your math homework for you if you get one for us! It's in the Spooky Forest.
  • When returning with the mosquito larva:
Sweet! Thanks for getting the larva for us. That was totes chill of you.
Meat.gifYou gain 500 Meat.

Level 3 - Typical Tavern Quest

  • Initial text:
S'up, righteous <dude/dudette>. I know this isn't really worthy of your mad skills, but the owner of the Typical Tavern in the Distant Woods is trippin' about some rodent problem. I'm sure he'd give you mad props if you totes knocked 'em out.
  • Subsequent times:
Hey, the owner of the Typical Tavern is still mad sweatin' us about his rat troubles. If, y'know, you're not too busy, could you help him out?

Level 4 - Boss Bat Quest

  • Initial text:
Hey, uh, homes. What's up? Any drama in the LBC? Heh, so we've got this grody Boss Bat who is, uh, sweating us to the max. If you're not too busy, like, could you throw some smack on him? He lives in the deepest part of the Bat Hole, in the nearby plains. So, y'know, cowabunga!
  • Subsequent times:
Hey, <bro/sis>, I'm not trying to stress you, dawg, but I have to be "The Man" here and point out the Boss Bat is still alive. Which is not tubular, you know? Scope him out at the Bat Hole, by the Nearby Plains.
  • When returning with the Boss Bat bandanna:
Hey, uh, dog, it was poppin' fresh how you iced the Boss Bat! We made this belt out of his skin for you. I mean, I know it's totally lame, but you can have it.
Batbelt.gifYou acquire an item: batskin belt

Level 5 - The King of Cobb's Knob Quest

  • Initial text:
Hey, dude, we just got the 411 that the Knob Goblins are all panty-twisted and totes want to attack Seaside Town. What a bunch of douchegrass, am I right?
We think it's time some righteous bro went into the Knob and took out the Goblin King.
Our spies found out about a secret entrance that'll let you get all up ins. They found this map, but it's mad encrypted.
So could you, y'know, in your spare time, maybe poke around and see if you can get in there? You'd be doing us a solid. Peace out.
  • Subsequent times, before accessing the inside of the Knob:
Yo, home...stuck?, we still really need you to get into Cobb's Knob, y'know, if you've got the time. You can probably find a clue on the Outskirts for how to get in.
  • After accessing the inside of the Knob:
Hey, I saw that the Goblin King is still stompin' around, yo. Have you not had a chance to get jiggy on him yet?
  • After defeating the King:
You totally knocked that Goblin King out like a punk. Tubular work!

Level 6 - Deep Fat Friars' Gate Quest

  • Initial text:
Hey, homeskittle, those lameoid Deep Fat Friars opened some kind of weird portal, and all kinds of grody to the max demons are invading their grove. It would be totes, uh, dope if you could help them out.
  • Subsequent times:
Hey, daddy-o, those wack demons are still bothering those fuddy-duddy Friars. If, y'know, you feel like it, you should help them out in the Distant Woods.

Level 7 - Undefile the Cyrpt Quest

  • Initial text:
Uh, what's up, homeboy? We hate to bother you, but there's, like, mad Spookiness coming out of the Cyrpt, near the Misspelled Cematary in the Nearby Plains. Some total dweeboid monster is probably in there, riling up the undead. It'd be totes sweet if you could check it out for us.
This thing will probably help -- we don't know, it's probably some nerd stuff, so whatever -- but, uh, could you look into it? If you've got time?
Evilometer.gifYou acquire an item: Evilometer
  • Subsequent times:
Yo, uh, home...slice? Is that what you kids say? Um, anyway, the Cyrpt is still super Spooky--I mean, I'm sure you're busy with cool stuff, like, being a cool guy, you know, but could you please get rid of the source, and bring back proof you did it? I mean, we trust you, but...yeah.
  • After defeating the Bonerdagon:
Wow, so this was the crumbum Spookying up the Cyrpt? Looks like you, uh, totes dealt with him.
Here, let us make that skull into something badass enough for you to wear.
Bonebuckle.gifYou acquire an item: dragonbone belt buckle

Level 8 - Mt. McLargeHuge Quest

  • Initial text:
S'up, homeslice? I know you're busy doing cool stuff, but we just got a letter from the Trapper, and he's got 99 problems. Could you maybs check out whatever tip he's on? That'd be mad awesome.
He lives at the base of Mt. McLargeHuge, the tallest of the Big Mountains. We'll mark it on your map for you.
  • Subsequent times:
I don't want to tell you your business, homeskittle, but the Trapper's still freaking out about whatever. You should probs check it out.

Level 9 - Orc Chasm Quest

  • Initial text:
Hey, dawg, sorry to bother you with this, but we just got a wack-ass message from Black Angus, this, like, wannabe royal.
Usually, we just let him talk all the jabber he wants, but he sounds totes off his rock this time.
Could you go get the 411 on what his damage is? His pad is in the Highlands, just around the Orc Chasm. We'll map it up for you.
S'up, <name>. This came in the mail for you, or whatever.
Guildapp.gifYou acquire an item: strange leaflet
  • Subsequent times:
Hey, dude, Black Angus is still mad tripping about whatever tip he's on. You should totes hit him up.

Level 10 - Giant Trash Quest

  • Initial text:
S'up, dude. The Nearby Plains are filling up with these totally unhip and wack piles of garbage. If you've got time, could you see where it's coming from and put a stop to it? That'd be tight.
  • Subsequent times:
We don't want to be, like, a bunch of fascist squares or anything, but the garbage is still falling from the sky over in the Nearby Plains. So, uh, what's up with that?
  • After completing the quest:
Wow, you totally got jiggy with that whole garbage situation, homes! That's what the kids say, right? "Got jiggy" means "got it done?"
Anyway, we found this thing while we were cleaning up. It looked like something you could maybe use.
SomethingYou acquire... something. [[Data:{{{item}}}]]

Level 11 - Quest for the Holy MacGuffin

  • Initial text:
Hey, <playername> -- can we call you <playername>? If not, that's cool--we just got this message from the Distant Lands. It looks like your dad, that total fascist who's a famous archaeologist even though he never really understood you, has gone missing. He was trying to track down an artifact called the Holy MacGuffin. Anyway, he left you his diary, but we don't have the, uh, skrilla to ship it to you, so you'll have to pick it up. Sorry, bro.
You can get it if you take your whip to the Travel Agency at The Shore, but they're totally going to sweat you unless you have a passport. You should, uh, hit up the Black Market for some bogus creds. We're sure you know where that is, but we're not cool enough to get told, so we'll just send you to the Black Forest and you can get there from there.
Once you've got ol' fossil dad's book, you could track down the MacGuffin for us, if you don't have anything better to do. It'll probs help us defeat the Sorceress, so, you know. Whatever.
  • Subsequent times:
Hey, dude, have you had a chance to scope the deets on the Holy Watchamacallit yet? We could really use it, so it'd be proppa if you could get on that.
  • After completing the quest:
"Wow! You scored the Holy MacGuffin, <playername>? That's some righteous gravy right there. That's what you kids say, right? Righteous gravy? Anyway, we'll take hit from here. We'll put it in an unlabelled wooden crate and stash it in a secret warehouse full of similar crates somewhere where it's likely that no one will ever see it again. So, yeah...thanks for helping us out!"
"Is that all you got?" you ask, flicking a comb through your hair.
"Oh, naw, it ain't like that. We, uh, we're throwing you a parade!"
"Whatever."
And one quick (though enjoyable) tickertape parade later, you're standing back in front of the Council Hall, picking bits of confetti out of your hair and wondering what you should do next.
Confetti.gifYou acquire an item: handful of confetti

Level 12 - Mysterious Island Quest

  • Initial text:
Hey, homes, we've heard some downlow intel that peeps on the Mysterious Island of Mystery are getting salty with each other. Those wacked-out hippies and gnarly frat boys seem about to start a war. I mean, those dudes don't really chill together regardless, but now they're thirsty for blood. Hella thirsty. This seems like a good time to really spark some stuff.
If you have time, could you scope out the sitch and make sure the war starts? It doesn't matter who wins or how it starts, just set it off.
Maybe the hippies will wipe out the frat boys, or maybe the frat boys will annihilate the hippies, or maybe they'll eradicate each other. It's kind of like watching two hot girls mud-wrestle -- no matter who loses, we win. Word.
  • Subsequent times:
Yo, homestar, have you got the war started on the island yet? If you can't heat things up, try assassinating Franz Ferdinand. That would totes twist some panties.
  • After starting the war:
Man, you're tearing it up on the island, adventurer! Totally radical and gnarly! You've got those idiots, like, hella salty fighting each other. Now you've just got to end the war before those lame dork tourists start showing up.
Nah, you don't have to fight for one side in particular, dawg. We're not going to be all fascist and say what side to join. Heck, take out both sides! That'd be dope!
If you get bored doing this stuff--I mean, we know the world bores you when you're cool--you could chat up some of the other people who live on the island. Most of 'em are dweebs, but some might be able to help. Take it easy, brah!
  • After defeating the hippies:
That was totes gnarly, adventurer! You totally beat down those dweeboid hippies. The tourists are going to enjoy not having to hold their noses while they buy their lame, pointless souvenirs!
If only you had taken out those douchey frat boys, too. Oh, well. At least their margaritas are hella tight.
Wear this with pride--or, y'know, cool indifference.
SomethingYou acquire... something. [[Data:{{{item}}}]]
  • After defeating the frat boys:
That was super solid, adventurer! You finally laid the smack on those smug bastard frat boys. Now tourists don't have to get paddled and do beer bongs--they can choose to be paddled without doing a beer bong, or vice versa! That's so dope.
If only you had taken out the hippies, too, that would have been supa tight. Oh, well. As long as you don't get close enough to smell them, they're okay.
Wear this medal with pride--or throw it away with cool indifference! Sweet.
SomethingYou acquire... something. [[Data:{{{item}}}]]
  • After defeating both sides:
Woah, major props, <dude/dudette>! You got both sides so twisted they inverted on each other and probs are totes wiped. There's probs a moral to that story, but don't sweat it.
I hope this medal matches your whole ensemble, yo. Wear it with pride--or, y'know, cool indifference.
Wossname.gifYou acquire an item: Order of the Silver Wossname

Level 13 - Naughty Sorceress Quest

  • Initial text:
You are seriously one bad mutha--sorry, I'll shut my mouth. The Council thinks you're ready to step up to that crazy sheila who's responsible for all this nonsense. Go lay some knowledge on that nonsense! Drop her like she's hot! Bounce her like a bad check! And free King Ralph, y'know, if you get around to it.
Go scope out her Lair, east of the Nearby Plains! Beat her down!
  • Subsequent times:
Yo, friend-o, the Naughty Sorceress is still out there going crazy on the murderous tip! You gots to totes drop her! She's in her Lair, east of the Nearby Plains!
  • After completing the quest, but before freeing the king:
"Congratulations, bromide! You straight up 86'd the Naughty Sorceress and made all the wack daddies out there chill. Say, did you know she was your mother?
Nah, just messin' with you. But hey, you totes left the king imprismed up there. It'd be straight-up hella ignorant if you left him up there, because the monsters would keep on sweatin' the whole land and we'd be in absolute power still. Yup, that'd be some crazy messed-up plumbing.
You should probs let him fly, though. But, y'know, take your time. Comb your 'do, spiff your campsite, ghost ride your whip, whatever.
Seriously, no rush."