The Crimbo Elf Commune

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The Crimbo Elf Commune
The Crimbo Elf Commune

The Crimbo Elf Commune (a.k.a. An Encampment of Crimbo Elves) is located in the 2015 incarnation of Crimbo Town.


  • On first visit after December 15, 2015:
The elf camp is much quieter than you expected, given that the lead-up to Crimbo is usually a very busy time of year for the elves. However, most of the elves are sitting cross-legged on the ground with their eyes closed, humming quietly to themselves. The ones that aren't are wandering around the camp as if in a daze, stopping occasionally to pet the trees. All of them seem to have discarded their elf clothes in favor of makeshift robes fashioned out of wrapping paper, and either entwined flowers into their hair or shaved themselves bald.
You approach one elf (who is arrythmically tapping a tambourine with a dreamy smile on her face) to ask her what's going on. "Aren't you guys supposed to be making toys? Crimbo will be here pretty soon."
"All days are Crimbo when one accepts the peace and love of nature," she says. "We have forsaken material possessions in favor of her gifts of sunlight and flowers and... umm, moss? You know, stuff like that."
"I don't think the kids are going to be particularly enthused about stockings full of moss and sunlight on Crimbo morning," you reply.
The elf nods, and her blissed-out grin becomes a little wistful. "Yes, it is a shame that commercialism and materialism have caused people to stray from the embrace of the Earth Mother. Electronics, technology, refined metals, things that bleep at you and repeatedly flash '12:00' -- these things have caused people to stray from the harmony of nature. Crimbo is a time for joy and happiness, and it is our task to bring happiness to people. Our gift this year is going to be a great dance and prayer of harmony and nature, but if the children's hearts aren't open to the Mother..." You watch, somewhat nonplussed, as she sprawls face-down on the ground with his arms outstretched as if she's trying to hug the entire planet. "Oh Great Mother, please guide us!" she says, rubbing her face in the dirt.
You start to back away quietly, and she opens her eyes. Her gaze falls on a nearby patch of wildflowers, and she leaps to his feet with glee. "A sign! Oh! This is perfect!" She picks a large bunch of the flowers (apologizing quietly to each one as she does so), then turns back to you. "We just need to show everyone the beauty of nature! Will you help us?"
Take the bouquet
"Uh, sure," you say. "Anything for a weird life, I guess."
"Wonderful!" she exclaims, and presses the bunch of flowers into your hands. "Just take these flowers and pass them out to everyone you meet! If we can spread the word to as many different people as possible -- and animals, and... creatures, and so on -- then everyone's heart will surely be filled with the spirit of nature by the time Crimbo comes, and everyone will be blessed by our prayer of peace and harmony!"
"All right, fine," you say. "Oh, by the way, I didn't catch you name?"
"Oh, we've eschewed individual names in order to be closer to the oneness of nature!" she says.
"Oookay," you say. "Then I'm going to call you 'Tambourine-Elf'. Actually, maybe I'll just call you 'Tammy' for short."
Tammy blinks. "But that's kind of missing the..."
"Give flowers away to as many different dudes as I can," you say. "Got it."
Bouquet.gifYou acquire an item: bouquet of all-natural free-range flowers

  • On subsequent visits, before receiving award:
"Hello again, sibling!" Tammy says as you approach. "How goes your task of spreading the joy of nature?"
"You mean giving flowers to monsters, right?" you ask.
"Oh no, don't call them monsters, that's very hurtful," she says, aghast through her constant beatific smile. "We are all people in the eyes of the Great Mother!"
"Uh-huh."
"Anyway, if you give flowers away to at least X different monst-- people, I have a special surprise for you!"
  • On subsequent visits on 2nd day:
Tammy breaks off from rattling her tambourine at some meditating elves when she sees you, and skips over. (The meditaters, though their expressions don't change, nevertheless seem relieved.) "Hello again!" she smiles at you.
"Hi, Tammy. You wanted me to pass out flowers to monst... I mean, people... again?"
"That's right!" she says, and gives you another bunch of flowers. "Please share the Mother's bounty with a total of X different people by the end of today, it would help us so much!"
"All right," you say. "Giving them flowers is kind of the opposite of how I typically interact with them, but I guess it's good to mix things up once in a while."
"That's the spirit!" Tammy beams. "The nature spirit! Ha ha!"
"Ha ha," you say.
You have spread the elves' message to X monsters so far.
  • On subsequent visits on the 3rd day:
"Heya Tammy," you say, approaching the elf. "How are your preparations going? For your big Crimbo prayer thing?"
"Really well, thank you!" she says. "I think we've almost got the dancing figured out. Do you think it's more worshipful if we do like this," -- She jumps up and down while waving her arms wildly at the sky -- "Or this?" She throws herself full-length on the ground and rolls around in the dirt.
"Um." you say. "I think maybe... the first one?"
"Great! Thanks!" she says, picking herself up. "Ooh! Maybe we could do both!"
"No need to demonstrate," you say quickly. "I'm just here to get more flowers."
"Of course! Here you go!" she says, handing you another bouquet. "If you could get up to 90 today, that would be great!"
"I'm on it."
You have spread the elves' message to X monsters so far.
  • On subsequent visits on the 4th day:
As you enter the camp, Tammy is having a technical discussion with some of the drum-elves. "So we discovered," one says, "if instead of doing like the random bom bommity bim bom bommity bommity bom bam bim bim bommity, you know, and do like a steady bom bom bom bom bom instead, the dancers seem to find that easier to dance to."
"Hmm," Tammy replies. "That's neat, but nature isn't all regular like that, it's random and natural and stuff, right?" She rattles her tambourine wildly to demonstrate.
"Hmm, that's true..."
"Excuse me," you say. "Just here for more flowers."
"No problem!" Tammy grins at you and gives you a new bouquet. "See if you can get to 120 today, okay?"
"Got it."
"What if we did the random drumming on our regular drums," the drummer says as you're leaving, "but also made like one really big drum and did like BOM BOM BOM BOM in the background?"
"Ooh!"
You have spread the elves' message to X monsters so far.
  • On subsequent visits on the 5th day:
When you arrive at the elf camp, Tammy is in conference with the musicians again. "Okay, so we're in agreement that we need more than just tambourines and drums, right?" she says. "Yeah," says one of the drummers. "I can play the flute a little, but I don't know how to make one."
"I can whistle," suggests another elf.
"Let's hear it!" Tammy says. The elf whistles a little tune. "That's pretty good, can you do louder?"
"Um," the elf says, then makes a 'fweeeeeeeeee!' noise.
"Hmm, probably still won't be audible over the big drum," Tammy says.
"Hey guys," you interrupt. "How's it going?"
"It's going great!" Tammy beams at you. "Especially with all your help getting the people of the kingdom to understand the glory of the Mother! I can practically feel their energy in the air around us!"
"Surrrre," you say. "Hey, me too."
"Here's some more flowers," Tammy says. "See if you can get up to 150 today!"
"Will do."
As you're leaving, you hear Tammy say "Okay, who has the highest-pitched voice out of all of us? Can you just go EEEEEEEEEEEEE real loud?"
You have spread the elves' message to X monsters so far.
  • On subsequent visits on the 6th day:
Tammy is standing over a group of elves who are kneeling on the ground, scribbling on leaves with sticks and berry juice. One of them says "Okay, so the next bit is 'O Great Mother / who created everything / to who we owe our lives / bless us with your bounty'."
"Should be 'to whom we owe," another elf comments.
"Right, thanks, I always get that wrong."
"Oh, hello!" Tammy says, noticing you. "Ready to share nature's love some more?"
"Yup," you reply.
"She[sic]? rattles her tambourine with excitement and hands you some more flowers. "180 today, okay?"
"No sweat."
"How about 'to whom we owe our souls'?" one of the writers asks as you're leaving.
You have spread the elves' message to X monsters so far.
  • On subsequent visits on the 7th day:
You wander into the elf camp, and find Tammy fussing with some twigs. "Are you making wreaths?" you ask. "They look pretty nice. Smaller than usual, but..."
"Thanks!" she says, smiling. "They're not wreaths though, they're umm... you know, like crowns? Except without the implication of nobility."
"...Hats?" you hazard.
"Sure!"
"Well, they're pretty, but... you're making them out of holly. They're going to be awfully prickly to wear. Wait... you've made some of these out of rose stems!"
"Yes! Aren't the flowers beautiful?"
"Sure, but you've left the thorns--"
"Tut tut!" she literally tuts. "Pain is just part of nature! It's one of the ways that you know you're alive!"
"Uh."
"Just like laughing! Or hunger!"
"Okay, well," you say, already starting to edge away. "I'll just take some flowers and leave you to it then."
"Okay! See if you can get up to 210 people today!" she says, handing you a fresh bunch of flowers.
You have spread the elves' message to X monsters so far.
  • On subsequent visits on the 8th day:
When you arrive back at the camp, Tammy is hovering around a group of elves who are sitting in meditation. Thankfully, she's taken off her rose hat. "Hi, Tammy," you greet her. "What's going on?"
"Hello!" she says cheerfully. "We decided the prayer would be a lot more effective if we could invoke the Great Mother directly by name, so we're trying to find out what it actually is."
"I thought you gave up on names?"
"Well, we did, right -- because we're all part of nature. But the Great Mother is sort of... you know... above? Enveloping? Oh, I'm not very good at explaining these things! Anyway, we're pretty sure she has a name, so we asked her what it is, and now we're listening really really hard for an answer!"
"Isn't it, like, Gaia or something?" you ask.
Tammy nods. "We think that's a shortened version. Like how you keep calling me 'Tammy' for 'Tambourine-Elf'." She sticks her tongue out at you. "Well, I've got to call you something," you grumble.
"It's okay," she giggles, and hands you some flowers. "Here you go! Try and get 240 people enlightened for us today!"
"All right."
You have spread the elves' message to X monsters so far.
  • On subsequent visits on the 9th day:
"Hey, Tammy?" you call as you enter the camp. "I'm here for... oh. I see you have an altar now."
"Yep!" Tammy says, sitting on the large rough-hewn block of black granite and swinging her feet cheerfully. "Pretty great, right?"
"Oh sure. But uh, is it really necessary?"
"Oh, you silly!" she giggles as she hops down and picks some flowers for you. "You can't have a big prayer service without an altar! Everyone knows that!"
"Yeah, okay. I guess so."
"270 people today, all right?"
"...Sure."
You have spread the elves' message to X monsters so far.
  • On subsequent visits on the 10th day:
"Okay guys, remember!" Tammy is saying to some elves who are looking dubiously at the ropes and nets in their hands. "You have to catch it alive. That's very important!"
"But... stags are mean!" one of the elves complains. "And they have all those pointy things on their heads!"
Tammy shakes her tambourine at the elf. "Look, the Great Mother tests us all, right? Just keep away from the end with the pointy things! It won't be a very good present for Mother Gaia'ajh-dsli Ak'lwej if we kill it before the prayer, now will it?"
The elf sighs and shuffles his feet. "...No."
"Right then! Off you go!" Tammy turns as the hunters leave, and notices you. "Oh! Hello! Back for more flowers?"
"I... suppose I am," you say.
"Great! Here you are! 300 today, okay? We're so close! This is so exciting!"
"'Exciting' is one way to put it, yeah," you say.
You have spread the elves' message to X monsters so far.
  • On subsequent visits on the 11th day:
When you arrive at the elf camp, all the elves are standing in concentric circles around the altar, chanting something you can't quite make out under the BOM BOM BOM BOM of the giant drum and the high-pitched EEEEEEEEEE of the singers. Tammy is dancing around the altar with her sharpened tambourine, although you don't see the stag. You watch with trepidation for a bit, and Tammy suddenly stops the ceremony and gives some instructions to some of the other dancers, then they start up again.
This must be the dress rehearsal. Not wanting to interrupt, you pick some flowers yourself. If you get up to 330 total flowers given away today, that should be plenty, right? And then maybe you can get very far away from here before the inevitable happens.
You have spread the elves' message to X monsters so far.
  • On subsequent visits, after receiving award:
You've already done all that the elves have asked of you today.
You have spread the elves' message to X monsters so far.
The elf camp is empty, with no sign of the elves at all. Or their altar, or the mystical squiggles on the ground, or any of that stuff. It's very peaceful.
However, there's also nothing much to do here.

Report your progress
  • Before giving away at least 30 flowers:
You start to enter the elf camp, but you haven't given away the 30 flowers that Tammy wanted you distribute by today. Probably best to finish that up first, before interrupting her holiday preparations.
  • After giving away at least 30 flowers:
You find Tammy, who is sitting on the ground with her eyes closed and mumbling dreamily to herself. "Hey Tammy," you say. "I gave out those flowers like you wanted. You said something about a reward?"
She jumps up excitedly. "Yes! Wonderful! The blessings of the Earth Mother upon you!" She rummages around in the pockets of her robe, and hands you a bunch of salad.
"Yeah, that's about what I expected," you say dryly.
"Enjoy it in good health!" she beams. "And there's more where that came from, if you help us some more tomorrow!"
Salad.gifYou acquire 3 Crimbo salads
  • After giving away at least 60 flowers:
You approach Tammy, who is either dancing or sleepwalking next to a small group of elves who seem to have figured out how drums work but don't understand the concept of 'rhythm'. "Hey Tammy," you say. "I'm up to 60 flowers given out. How's that?"
"That's wonderful!" she says dreamily, without opening her eyes. She pulls some of that gross bark rootbeer out of her sleeve and hands it to you. "Come back and help us again tomorrow, okay?" She dances/wanders/shuffles away in a trance.
Beerbottle.gifYou acquire 3 bottles of bark rootbeer
  • After giving away at least 90 flowers:
Tammy is watching a group of elves alternating between waving their arms wildly in the air, and throwing themselves on the ground in ecstatic convulsions. "That's really good!" she claps. "Maybe if a couple of us mix it up by spinning around really fast until we fall down?"
"Hey Tammy," you say, "I don't want to interrupt, but I'm done with flowers for today."
"Oh! You're so helpful!" she says. "Blessings of the Great Mother upon you!"
"...And?"
"And here's your present!" she says, giving you a pair of very uncomfortable-looking socks.
Hempsocks.gifYou acquire an item: coarse hemp socks
  • After giving away at least 120 flowers:
The drummer elves are building a huge drum about six feet tall when you return. Tammy notices you watching, and skips over to you. "Pretty good, right??" she says.
"It's certainly impressive," you reply. "Where are you going to get the hides to cover a drum that big?"
"Oh, nature will provide!"
"Okay, well," you shrug, "anyway, I'm done passing out flowers for today."
"Wonderful! You're doing such a great job! I'm sure the great Earth Mother appreciates it just as much as I do!" She hands you a bundle of dried herbs with a smile.
Smudgestick.gifYou acquire an item: bundle of "fragrant" herbs
  • After giving away at least 150 flowers:
"Okay," Tammy is saying to two girl elves (elfs?), "you two will be standing on either side of the big drum, and I need you to just make the loudest, highest-pitched EEEEEEEEEE you can, okay? And you'll be taking it in turns, so when one of you starts to pass out from not inhaling, the other picks it up, and you switch back and forth. Got it? Okay, let's try it out..."
"Wait!" you interrupt. "Wait just a sec. I just want to report in about the flowers, and I'd appreciate it if you let me get a fair distance away before you begin your sound check."
Tammy giggles. "Oh, you silly. Here you go!" She hands you a pine cone and waves as you hustle away with your hands over your ears.
Pinecone.gifYou acquire an item: pine cone
  • After giving away at least 180 flowers:
You return to the elf camp, and report your success to Tammy. She hands you your reward (a crappy-looking sword) with delight. "Here you go!" she says. "I'm so excited, I think we've nearly got the prayer finished! We got a really solid draft today, just a little more work and it's gonna be great!"
"Well, glad to hear it," you say. "And when you're finished, I'll be glad to hear it."
Tammy giggles, and waves with her tambourine as you turn to leave.
As you're walking away, a leaf gets stuck to your shoe and you reach down to pull it off. It's one of the writers' early drafts, and says "bless us with your bounty gifts presents."
Beatsword.gifYou acquire an item: elf ploughshare
  • After giving away at least 210 flowers:
"Hey Tammy, I passed out more flowers..." you say, then wince. "I see you're wearing one of your rose cr-- hats. It's very... pretty."
"Isn't it just?" she says gleefully. "I feel so in tune with the Mother!"
"That's nice, but... well, you're bleeding in a couple spots there."
"Green and red! That's the Crimbo colors!" she grins. "Here's your reward for helping us today!" She hands you a drum.
"Okay, well, thank you," you say. "See you tomorrow."
"Bye now! Ooh, ow!" she squeaks. "Some of the blood went in my eye! Tee-hee!"
Circledrum.gifYou acquire an item: circle drum
  • After giving away at least 240 flowers:
"Hello!" Tammy says. "I already know that you were successful!"
"Do you?" you ask.
"Yes!" she beams. "I can feel the energy of all their hearts opening to the Mother! It's amazing!" She hands you a faded protest sign.
"...Cool," you say. "Any luck with that name?"
"Not yet, but--"
"Gaia," one of the meditating elves says suddenly.
"Gaia'ajh," adds a second.
A third one chimes in: "Gaia'ajh-dsli."
"Gaia'ajh-dsli Ak'lwej," the three of them intone in unison, then fall backwards, unconscious.
"Gosh!" Tammy says. "Gaia'ajh-dsli... Ak... lwej? That's trickier to say than I expected! Gaia'ajh-dsli Ak'lwej!"
"Your nose is bleeding," you say.
"Is it? Ooh!"
"I'll just be on my way. See you later. Bye."
Protsign1.gifYou acquire an item: faded green protest sign
  • After giving away at least 270 flowers:
When you return to the elf camp, all the grass and brush has been cleared away from around the altar, and the elves are carefully tracing patterns of grooves in the packed dirt with sticks.
You sigh. "Occult geometry, eh? I sort of figured."
"Yeah!" Tammy says brightly. "At first I was like, that doesn't seem very nature-y? Coz of how they have to be all precise with the lines and angles? But Great Mother Gaia'ajh-dsli Ak'lwej seems to like them! I guess it's representative of, like, ley-lines and stuff?"
"It makes my ears itch when you say that name," you grimace.
Tammy giggles. "Mine too! Ooh," she says, taking a stick from one of the other elves and adjusting his line, "that sticky-out bit should curve more the other way. There! Perfect!"
"Okay, well, I can see you're busy," you say, "so I'll just be on my way."
"Don't forget your present!" Tammy says, and hands you a handful of nasty moss.
Moss.gifYou acquire an item: nasty-smelling moss
  • After giving away at least 300 flowers:
Tammy and the hunter elves (all of whom are sporting nasty-looking bandages -- which have been signed by other elves with cheerful messages like "Get better soon!") are standing around a large, thoroughly trussed-up and struggling elk.
"I hope he tires out before the ceremony," the lead hunter says. "It was hard enough dragging him here on ropes, I'm not super enthused about getting him up on the altar."
"Maybe we can feed him some berries or something that would make him sleepy?" Tammy suggests.
"I'm not putting my hand near his face," the hunter says. "Did you figure out how to... you know, for the ceremony?"
"Well," Tammy says, "I was thinking the most natural thing to do would be to just bite his throat? Like a wolf, you know?"
"With our own teeth?" The elf feels his teeth with one finger. "I think that'd be harder than you--"
"Okay!" you quickly interrupt. "Okay, just gonna cut in for a second. Did I say 'cut'? Don't mind me. Flowers!"
"Hello again!" Tammy smiles. "Thank you for doing such a good job! Here you go!" She hands you a tambourine just like the one she carries.
"Yes," you say. "Yes, you're welcome. Bye now."
As you stride quickly away, you hear Tammy saying, "Maybe I could sharpen the metal circles on my tambourine?"
Tambo.gifYou acquire an item: elven tambourine
  • After giving away at least 330 flowers:
When you arrive back at camp, the elves seem to be taking a break from rehearsing. "Hey, Tammy," you say. "How are, uh... how are things?"
"It's going so well!" she says. "I'm really excited for when we do the ritual for real tonight! It's going to be so... so... cosmic!"
"Yeah, I bet. Anyway, I think I'm basically done handing out flowers for you. I broke 330 today."
"You broke them??" Tammy asks, her eyes wide.
"...I mean I gave flowers to at least 330 people," you reply.
"Ohhh! I get it! Okay! Great!" She gives you a can of paint and grabs you in a big hug that you're not super-enthused about. "Thank you SO much for your help!" she says. "Without you helping to spread the love of Gaia'ajh-dsli Ak'lwej, our prayer ritual wouldn't be nearly as effective as it's going to be!"
"Yeah, uh," you say. "No... problem."
Balm.gifYou acquire an item: green face paint

Leave
You've had enough of this hippy nonsense.

Notes

  • Ascending does not reset the counter.