The Unkillable Skeleton
| There are some vague or non-exact figures and information on this page. Some spading is required.
|The Unkillable Skeleton|
You enter the throne room, and see a skeleton strapped to the throne by its wrists and ankles. You move closer to investigate, and your hair stands on end, not out of fear, but out of an electrical charge in the air... "Not enough voltage," the skeleton whispers.
"You heard me, Warden. Not enough voltage." Louder this time.
"I'm not the warden. And also, I think technically it's the amperage that kills people, not--"
"I can see you, Warden!" Screaming. "Or at least I could if my eyes hadn't melted when you juiced me. But I can smell you. I've still got these nose holes, and they work pretty well even with all the soft tissue burned off. Anyway, it doesn't matter. I know it's you, Warden, and we've got some... unfinished business."
The skeleton rises from the throne -- turns out he's just wearing the straps as bracelets and anklets, and he wasn't actually strapped to it. He bends in close, and you smell the tang of ozone as he begins to laugh.
A jagged arc of electricity shoots out of his left elbow, through your brain, and into his right elbow. It almost feels... windshield wiper.
|You lose ~540 Mana Points.|
He simultaneously stabs you with his serrated sword. It's such a simple machine, he doesn't have to use force. Eek! Oof! Argh! Ooh! Ooh!
He grabs your elbow with his left hand and your solar plexus with his right. Electricity courses through you. Ugh! Ow! Eek! Ouch! Oof!
He breaks off a rib and throws it at you hard enough to break a few of your ribs on landing. Ouch! Ouch! Eek! Oof! Argh!
He brains you with the pommel of his sword. The impact scrambles your brains, and the electricity cures your schizophrenia. Ugh! Eek! Oof! Ugh! Ugh!
He notices he's running low on electricity, and races to stick two of his phalanges into an outlet.
He grabs your groin in an attempt to electrocute you, but you're standing on a rubber mat. Convenient!
He throws his shield at you, but misses. You suggest he should maybe hold onto that thing and use it to block attacks.
Trying to use combat items:
- The electricity in the air would vaporize that item before it had a chance to work.
Trying to stun:
- Unfazed, your opponent attacks you anyway!
Only one of the following will be dropped:
|An item drops: Unkillable Skeleton's skullcap|
|An item drops: Unkillable Skeleton's shinguards|
|An item drops: Unkillable Skeleton's breastplate|
|An item drops: 0-3 electric Kool-Aid|
|You acquire a clan trophy:||Vibrating Fingerbone|
|You gain ??? <substat>.|
- This monster cannot be copied.
- You cannot use combat items, although attempting to do so still consumes a turn.
- His damage scales based on your buffed Moxie.
- His HP increases based on your Muscle.
- Elemental damage is drastically reduced.
- Bonus weapon damage is one way to kill him. Passive Damage is another.
- One current strategy is to lower mus and mox to 1, by being poisoned and other means. Maximize HP and DR/DA to survive. Maximize bonus weapon damage. Don't forget gremlin juice to be able to hit him with 1 mus/mox.
- Mer-kin smartjuice is also very useful for this strategy.
- Great Slash, a skill unlocked by the Great Wolf's right paw and left paw, is also viable.
- Like Count Drunkula, this monster may be fought while falling-down drunk. Unlike the Count, it doesn't affect the fight (or at least, does not seem to).
- The number of glasses of electric Kool-Aid depends on the total number of kisses across all zones of the Dreadsylvania instance at the time the boss is killed. Exact formula needs spading.
- The hit message about his sword being such a simple machine is based on a line from the song "Italian Leather Sofa" by Cake: "She's got a serrated edge / That she moves back and forth. / It's such a simple machine, / She doesn't have to use force."
- The hit message about curing schizophrenia is a reference to how electroshock therapy is used to treat various mental diseases.
- The ZX Spectrum game Great Gurianos had an unkillable skeleton final boss. The game had an extremely limited memory and the boss was simply left unbeatable. It is possible to hack the game to beat him, but afterward the game crashes. #