Toilet-papered tree
| Toilet-papered tree | |
|---|---|
| Monster ID | 861 |
| Locations | The Shivering Timbers |
| Hit Points | Scales with player stats |
| Attack | Scales with player stats |
| Defense | Scales with player stats |
| Initiative | 0 |
| Meat | None |
| Phylum | plant |
| Elements | None |
| Resistance | None |
| Monster Parts | leaf, limb, trunk |
| Manuel Entry | |
| refreshedit data | |
You're fighting a toilet-papered treeThis tree was the victim of a horrific toilet paper assault. It's wrapped so thoroughly that you can't even see individual branches, or so much as an uncovered bit of bark. So it's no surprise that the tree uprooted itself and started stalking the night, looking for revenge.
Well, just imagine how you'd feel if you were just standing in a crowd of people and someone came along and wrapped you in bleached, processed human entrails. You'd be freaked out and ticked off, right?
Hit Message(s):
It loops some toilet paper around your neck and squeezes until you see stars. Eek! Ow! Eek!
It loops some toilet paper around your feet and yanks them out from under you. Ouch! Ooh! Ugh! Ow!
It smashes your <eye> with a toilet-paper-covered limb. Sadly, the T.P. doesn't cushion the blow at all. Oof! Argh! Oof! Oof!
It uses a toilet paper loop to wipe your nose. It's a little rough on your nose, but at least it didn't wipe anything else. . . Eek! Argh! Eek!
It mummifies you in toilet paper, then knocks you over and lets you roll down a nearby hill. You shout, "As . . . you . . . wish!" but it doesn't make it any less painful. Ooh! Ouch! Ugh!
It tries to T.P. you, but you T.C.B. and dodge on the Q.T. Q.E.D.
It uses a toilet paper loop to try and wipe your . . . nose. You knew I was going to say 'nose,' right?
It starts to smash you with a toilet-paper-covered limb, but you squeeze the toilet paper until it stops.
A couple of bears emerge from a nearby bush and start unrolling bits of toilet paper from the tree. The tree quickly shambles away, horrified.
It tries to wrap toilet paper around you, but you're too tense to be T.P.'d. (FUMBLE!)
 | You acquire an item: spooky bark (10% chance)* |
 | You acquire an item: spooky sap (5% chance)* |
 | You acquire an item: petrified wood (5% chance)* |
 | You acquire an item: mummy costume (20% chance)* |
| You gain some <substat>. |
Occurs at The Shivering Timbers.
References
- The critical hit message is a reference to both the book and the movie The Princess Bride.
- The miss message with bears may refer to TV commercials for Charmin toilet paper featuring animated bears using the product. These ads themselves refer to the rhetorical question "Do bears s*** in the woods?"
- The message above that probably refers to an older commercial focusing on an old man's insistence of "Don't squeeze the Charmin!"
