Toothy pirate

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Toothy pirate
Monster ID 620
Locations Barrrney's Barrr
Hit Points 75
Attack 83
Defense 76
No-Hit 93
Initiative 50
Meat 36-54
Phylum pirate
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts head, arm, leg, torso
bottle of rum, cocktail napkin
Manuel gold toothbrush
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
toothy pirate You're fighting a toothy pirate

You're temporarily blinded by the flash of a mouth full of gold teeth. The pirate attached to the teeth sees you squint and grins. "Wow," you say, "you must be a field day for the tooth fairy!"

"What did ye call me?" he asks, unable to see your comma placement. Great, looks like you're getting in another fight.

Hit Message(s):

He bites you with his golden motorcycles. Wait, those are choppers, baby. Choppers. Eek! Eek! Ouch!

He bites you in the <leg>. Man, this bites. Oof! Ouch! Oof!

He bites you with the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth. Oof! Oof! Ooh!

You're momentarily distracted by a gleam of light from one of his many gold teeth. He takes advantage of your distraction, and kicks you in the <knee>. Ooh! Ow! Ouch!

Critical Hit Message:

He punches you heavily in the <foot>. Looks like he has a golden arm in addition to the golden tooth. And probably a gold finger and a golden eye, and possibly a golden gun. Maybe even a moonraker. Argh! Ugh! Argh! Ow!

Miss Message(s):

He tries to bite you with his golden motorcycles, but you point out they're actually choppers.

He tries to bite you, but is stricken with a toothache. What time is it? Tooth hurty.

He tries to bite you on the <skull>, but being a bit too long in the tooth, he misses by several inches.

He tries to bite you in the <groin>, but you counter with some biting criticism.

Fumble Message:

He rears back for another bite, but a messenger appears with an envelope for him. He opens it, sees that it's his dental bill, and promptly keels over in a dead faint. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Meat.gifYou gain 36-54 Meat (average: 45, stdev: 4.06)*
Bottle.gifYou acquire an item: bottle of rum (18.2% chance)*
Napkin.gifYou acquire an item: cocktail napkin (9.5% chance)*
Toothbrush.gifYou acquire an item: gold toothbrush (? chance)*
You gain 20-24 <substat>.

Occurs at Barrrney's Barrr


You drop the tube of toothpaste on the ground, and the toothy pirate immediately picks it up.
"Yarrr. Just what I've been lookin' fer," he says, as he whips out a toothbrush and goes to town on his teeth.
When he's done, he beams a smile at you -- a smile so bright that you're pretty sure it makes a creepy outline of your silhouette on the wall behind you.