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Monster ID 1485
Locations The Inner Wolf Gym
Hit Points 75% of Monster Defense
Attack Player's Moxie +3 (min 50, max 1000)
Defense Player's Muscle +3 (min 50, max 1000)
Initiative 0
Meat None
Phylum construct
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts handle, treadmill
sweatband, gym shorts, ankleweights, sweat socks, pint of sweat, Jerks' Health™ Magazine, Five Second Energy™
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
treadmill You're fighting a treadmill

This is a machine on which you run and run and run until you're covered in sweat and exhausted, but you never get anywhere. You don't even feel a pleasant breeze and enjoy the outdoors as you run; it's just a sad, solitary metaphor for the entirety of the human condition.

Hit Message(s):

You get a stitch in your side! It hurts worse than anything you can imagine, and you regularly get pummeled into paste. Argh! Ugh!

You swing your arms as you run and clip the magazine holder on the front of the thing with your right fist. Ouch! Argh!

You try to drink from the water bottle in the treadmill's cup holder, but aspirate some of it and cough until you see spots. Argh! Ooh!

The soles of your feet start to ache from the pounding they're taking. You should get some of those individual-toe shoes. They're not creepy and wrong at all. Ow! Eek!

You get shin splints! It's like bees stinging your bones. Who would ever allow this to happen to themselves? Ouch! Ouch!

Your foot lands funny on one stride and you roll your ankle. It's not a sprain, but it's not pleasant either. Eek! Ooh!

Critical Hit Message:

You slip, lose the pace, lose your footing, and roll backwards off of the treadmill, smacking your head on the gym wall with a BOOM that reverberates through your skull.

Miss Message(s):

You get a stitch in your side, but you breathe deeply and keep running and it goes away. Go you!

You swing your arms, whistle a tune, and try to get into rhythm.

You take a sip from the water bottle in the cup holder, and keep on jogging. You ponder whether you could put some French fries in there instead of a water bottle.

The soles of your feet ache a little from the running, but the flood of endorphins stops that right quick.

You're careful to stretch before you run so you don't get shin splints, because shin splints are the worst thing imaginable.

You almost roll your ankle, but save yourself with a funny little hop and a skip.

Fumble Message:

You manage to find the button that slows the treadmill down, and take a few minutes to walk and get your breath back. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

That treadmill session was intense. Your inner wolf pants.

Lung.gif +2 Wolf Lung Capacity

Lung.gif -3 Wolf Breath
Sweatband.gifYou acquire an item: sweatband (1% chance)*
Gymshorts.gifYou acquire an item: gym shorts (1% chance)*
Ankleweights.gifYou acquire an item: ankleweights (1% chance)*
Sweatsocks.gifYou acquire an item: sweat socks (1% chance)*
Moonshine.gifYou acquire an item: pint of sweat (10% chance)*
Jhmagazine.gifYou acquire an item: Jerks' Health™ Magazine (5% chance)*
5secondenergy.gifYou acquire an item: Five Second Energy™ (2% chance)*

Occurs at The Inner Wolf Gym.


  • Scales to your stats, capped at 1000, before Monster Level additions.
  • This monster cannot be copied.