Typical Tavern Quest

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After reaching level 3, The Council of Loathing may send you to The Typical Tavern to solve a bit of a rat problem. You will not receive this quest until you have completed the Spooky Forest Quest.



Council Text

On initial visit:

We've received word that the owner of The Typical Tavern, in The Distant Woods, is having a bit of a rat problem. I'm sure he'd reward you if you took care of it for him.

On subsequent visits:

The owner of the Typical Tavern is still bugging us about his rat problems. Perhaps you could help him?

Bartender Text

On initial visit:

"Howdy, Adventurer!" says the jovial man behind the bar. "I'm Bart. Bart Ender."

"Nice to meet ya, Bart. I'm <Player Name>," you say. "The Council says you need some help with something."

"Yup. We've got a bit of a rat problem, y'see. Whole cellar's just thick with 'em. I mean, sure, there are always rats down there -- rats are a crucial part of the fantasy tavern ecosystem. Our problem is that there are too many rats. I need you to figure out why there are so many of 'em, and put a stop to it somehow." he replies.

"So there are... rats... in the cellar... of the tavern," you sigh, "and I have to kill, what, like, ten of them?"

"This isn't a simple matter of 'kill ten rats,' buddy. You need to track 'em back to their source and put a stop to it, whatever it is. Here, lemme unlock the trap door for you. Careful. It's dark down there."

On subsequent visits:

"Hey, if it isn't ol' <Player Name>. Had any luck finding the source of those rats? We're all counting on you!

"If you get thirsty, feel free to order a drink."

After turning off the rat faucet:

"Rat faucet got left on, eh? That was probably Luanne. She was always doin' ditzy stuff like that. Right unfriendly to the customers, too. That's why I fired her and divorced her.

"Anyhow, thanks for your help, <Player Name>. Here -- by way of thanks, have a few drinks on the house!"

Icestein.gifYou acquire 3 flagons of Typical Tavern swill

Actual Ed the Undying

On initial visit:

On subsequent visits:

After turning on the rat faucet:

"Okay," you tell Bart, "I found the faucet and turned it back on just a little bit. You should be good now."
"Thanks pal!" Bart grins. "My regulars are mighty particular about how the beer tastes."
"Sure, I can imagine," you say, looking around at the bar's clientele, which appears to be a brawl of people too busy hitting each other with their mugs to drink anything out of them, and a hollow-eyed guy standing in the corner nursing a club soda and a fistful of pills. "Anyway, Bart, about <Player Name> -- do you know where he went after he left here?"
"'Fraid not," Bart says, shaking his head. "Just sort of wandered off into the night, like adventurers do. Sorry. But here, let me set you up with a round on the house."
Icestein.gifYou acquire 3 flagons of Typical Tavern swill

Zombie Slayer

On initial visit:

You shamble up the bar, where Bart Ender is blankly polishing something with a rag. The object in question turns out to be a human skull.
"Howdy, Bart," you say. "How's, um… how's it going?"
"Guhhhhhh," Bart moans amicably.
"I heard you had a bit of rat problem?"
Bart stares at you as the idea slowly, slowly works its way through his ravaged nervous system.
"Raaaaaaaaaatss," he muses, then gives you a wobbly nod.
"Raaaaaatssss," he says again, gesturing at a small iron key hanging from a nail on the wall.
"Right, leave it to me," you reply. You take the key and unlock the trap door to the tavern cellar.

On subsequent visits:

Bart is still polishing that skull. It doesn't look like he's moved since you saw him last. Zombies are creatures of habit, it seems.
"Hi, Bart," you say cheerfully.
"I'm still working on the rat situation, but don't you worry."
"Any chance of a drink?"
"So… yes? No? Is that a no?"
"Okay, never mind. I'll check back with you later."

The first time after turning off the rat faucet:

"Hey, Bart, I fixed your rat problem. Someone left the faucet on."
"I know, right? So how about a drink?"
"Oh for… look, don't worry about it, I'll just serve myself, okay?"
You grab some mugs and pour yourself some tavern swill. The taps still work, surprisingly, and also surprisingly, the swill doesn't smell any worse than you remember. You would have expected it to get riper with age, or for a zombie to have fallen in one of the kegs and dissolved, or something.
Maybe that did happen, and the tavern swill is so strong, it doesn't make any difference. Or maybe that was Bart's secret ingredient all along.
Icestein.gifYou acquire 3 flagons of Typical Tavern swill


"Hi there, Bart."
"Gruhhhhh," he replies, continuing to polish that skull.
"You need any help around the tavern or anything?"
"No, I guess not. Um, I don't suppose you have anything for sale? Do you remember how that works? Selling things?"
"Never mind," you sigh.


  • Bart knows when to card his patrons.

After turning off the rat faucet:

"Rat faucet got left on, eh? That was probably Luanne. She was always doin' ditzy stuff like that. Right unfriendly to the customers, too. That's why I fired her and divorced her. Bart looks you up and down, suspiciously. "Say, I was going to give you some free booze as thanks for gettin' the job done, but I don't think you're old enough to be drinkin'. You got any I.D.?"
"Any idea about what?" you ask, innocently. "Oh, you mean I.D.? Uh, would you take my student I.D.?"
"You're still in high school? Fer cryin' out loud, are you tryin' to get me shut down?" Bart stops and mops his forehead with a rag. "Look, you're a decent sort, and you did help me out, so I'll give you some of the stuff I keep behind the bar for designated drivers.
He hands you a couple of frosty mugs. "Just don't tell anyone I almost served you booze, and don't tell anyone that I served you something that wasn't booze, okay? Okay."
Tankard.gifYou acquire 3 bottles of root beer


  • The only enemies you will encounter in the cellar are rats, which can be troublesome because of their ability to dodge. They can drop the rat whisker and the rat appendix.
  • The necessary faucet adventure and the Baron von Ratsworth adventure are randomized per player per ascension. Their locations follow the pattern described here.
  • You can bypass four of the noncombats in the Tavern Cellar without spending an adventure if you have at least 20 bonus elemental damage of the type that each requires (Cold, Hot, Spooky, and Stench). One easy way to achieve this is by drinking a Sockdollager from the clan Speakeasy, if you have access to it.


  • The rat faucet is a possible reference to the Frank Zappa album Waka/Jawaka, whose cover shows two faucets, labeled "hot" and "rats."
  • The quest as a whole is a reference to how, in many role playing games, one of the first quests is to kill a number of rats.
  • "Rats in the Cellar" Is a popular Aerosmith song.
  • "I Think I Smell A Rat" is also a song sung by The White Stripes, and is featured in their album White Blood Cells.


  • On October 15, 2005, this quest was significantly changed. The original quest details may be found here.
  • On March 24, 2009, the rewards of this quest were changed. The previous quest details may be found here.
  • On October 22, 2010, this quest was significantly changed again. The previous quest details may be found here.