User:DarkerLine

Automatic Catapult
sung to the tune of In The Hall of the Mountain King

This last weekend I went down shopping in Seaside Town
Bought myself a catapult with money I had saved
Self-reloading arbalest - maims and mauls with the best!
Just the slightly gruesome toy that I had always craved.

Cost a pretty stack of meat, but there's nothing more 1337
Than a Greek machine of war rebuilt with modern tools
Once I have the thing equipped, I have everyone whipped
Both in combat power and in terms of who's more cool.

Automatic catapult, catapult, catapult
Antiquated trebuchet with modernized controls
Automatic catapult, catapult, catapult
Single-handedly attack and bring down castle walls

With my instrument of death, I am surely free to laugh
In the face of dangers that had frightened me before
Topiary golems flee from a hero like me
Erstwhile Polka Criminal a puny wimp no more.

With the powers I possess, who's to say what a mess
I can set aright with my arcane machine of doom?
All I need is a quest for my super-arbalest
Something that will prove my worth and make my fortune bloom...

Automatic catapult, catapult, catapult
Antiquated trebuchet with modernized controls
Automatic catapult, catapult, catapult
Single-handedly attack and bring down castle walls

Heed the warning words I speak! I was mad, I was weak
And perceived my powers greater than they really were
I took on a hero's role, things got out of control
I just want to go back to the way I was before

Why should I try to take on battles that none have won?
Someone else go rescue that King Ralph instead of me
Pride demands I never tell of the fight in which I fell
Beaten by a shadow! How pathetic would that be?

Automatic catapult, catapult, catapult
In that eerie battle with a shade you let me down
Automatic catapult, catapult, catapult
You made me a hero... but then made me a clown!