User:Philmasterplus
Looking for the meaning and the pleasures of my life...all in the wrong places!
Contents
Seal Clubber Skills
Starting Skills
By clubbing a stuffed seal at your campsite, you can work yourself into a frenzy. Your Strongness will increase for a period of time.
Grants effect: Seal Clubbing Frenzy (5 Adventures)
(Muscle +2)
Adventurer smash!
- Deals (0-1) + (0.1-0.2)×base weapon damage + ⌈sqrt(Bonus Weapon Damage)⌉ + (⌈sqrt(Elemental Damage)⌉ for each element)
- MP cost is 1 for non-Seal Clubbers
Guild Skills
Seal Clubber guild skills are learned from The Brotherhood of the Smackdown.
By lunging before you smack, you can deal more damage than if you smack without lunging. Or if you lunge after smacking instead, but who does that?
- Normal attack that deals 5 extra damage
- Counts as a Smack
Muskoxen are legendarily resilient. If you cut them, they bleed, but then they stop bleeding and they're good as new. Now you can be like a muskox!
HP Regen 1-2
You become infused with the fighting spirit of the Otter, making your critical hits more critical than usual.
Critical hits do 3× damage
Using this skill lets you sleep for an entire Adventure, fully restoring your HP and replenishing all of your get-up-and-go.
- Heals all HP and removes Beaten Up
- Grants effect: Well-Rested (5 Adventures)
(+3 Stats Per Fight) - Lose all of your current Fury
Covering your rippling muscles with blubber will make you more difficult to grab onto. Not that anybody's going to want to, with all that blubber.
Grants effect: Blubbered Up (10 Adventures)
(+5 Moxie)
You've learned to channel the icy climate of the Frigid Northlands into your blows. Fortunately, you've also learned to stop yourself from making bad ice puns as you do so.
Your Smacks deal 5 additional Cold Damage
This is a thrusting smack with your weapon. It will do double the usual amount of damage to your opponent if it connects.
- Normal attack that deals 2× base weapon damage
- Also multiplies Bonus Weapon Damage and elemental damage if you are a Seal Clubber
- Counts as a Smack
Have you ever seen a wolverine go after a herd of shrews? It's crazy. It just doesn't stop. It's like every shrew it takes down multiplies its desire to take down shrews. Anyway, you're like that, and also every enemy looks like a shrew to you.
NOTE: Only true Seal Clubbers have the fortitude needed to contain Fury. Other classes are weak, and would be torn apart by it.
- Lets Seal Clubbers build Fury by defeating opponents (max of 3 gallons of Fury)
- Grants +1 Weapon Damage per gallon of Fury
You are a master of the Tenderizing Hammer. The echo of generations of Seal Clubbers reverberates in your muscles as you beat the meat into shape. Shapes, actually -- the shapes of powerful weapons.
Can smith weapons using ores, and whips using skins (costs 1 Adv.)
You can't keep a good beluga down. In fact, you can't even keep a bad beluga down, because the buoyancy of a beluga is unrelated to the strength of its character.
The Frigid Northlands are no place for birds. Well, no place for happy birds, at least. This skill lets you be like a bird -- perpetually upset and aggressive.
- Grants effect: Scowl of the Auk (10 Adventures)
(Weapon Damage +10) - Replaces other Facial Expressions
Weasels aren't native to the Frigid Northlands, so the ones who manage to survive there have done so by being vicious, bloodthirsty little killers. And given what jerks normal weasels are, that's really saying something.
Your skin becomes as thick as the hide of a walrus, affording additional protection against enemy attacks.
This skill lets you channel some of your Fury (about a gallon's worth) into a powerful, precise strike.
Normal attack that is guaranteed to be a critical hit
You become one with the spirit of the War Walrus, adding additional damage to your attacks.
Through some cruel accident of evolution, 99% of the nerve endings of every sentient creature in the universe are concentrated in their feet. You've learned to take advantage of this fact by reversing the natural order and bringing the stubber to the toe.
This skill gives you the ability to lick your wounds, healing 30-40 Hit Points and making you feel less beaten up.
- Heals 30-40 HP
- Removes Beaten Up, Grilled, Half-Eaten Brain, Missing Fingers, Axe Wound, and Sunburned
Snow leopards are always really mad. You probably didn't know this, because they're also really difficult to see when they narrow their eyes, and narrowed eyes are a classic sign of feline anger.
Fury grants +3 Weapon Damage per gallon instead of +1
This is a thrust-smack with a lunge added to it for good measure. If it connects, will do triple damage to your opponent.
- Normal attack that deals 3× base weapon damage
- Also multiplies Bonus Weapon Damage and elemental damage if you are a Seal Clubber
- Counts as a Smack
Orcas are always upset about some supposed indignity they suffered in the ancient past. And they're also really large, so they have more volume to contain their upset in.
Fury capacity increases to 5 gallons
Do you ever get so sick of looking at something that you wish you could just hit it with a club and knock it out of your sight?
Sure you do.
This skill fills you with the rage of thousands of subjugated reindeer. This rage will make you stronger, especially when fighting guys with beards.
Grants effect: Rage of the Reindeer (10 Adventures)
(Muscle +10%, Weapon Damage +10)
This skill allows you to wield a one-handed weapon in each of your hands. It'll make it much easier for you to crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of the women.
Allows dual-wielding
Sometimes you get so mad that just yelling and stomping around aren't sufficient. Sometimes your anger deserves a parade.
- Consumes all of your Fury and performs multiple savage attacks
- Cannot be used without Fury
his skill allows you to remember your upbringing in the Frigid Northlands. You'll be as snug as a bug in a rug, even when the wintry wind whips willy-nilly 'cross your nose. Think... the opposite of Sam McGee.
So-So Cold Resistance (+2)
You've learned to unleash the chill winds of your homeland on your unsuspecting, previous-comfortably-warm foes. It's cold out there.
- Same as Lunging Thrust-Smack, but converts all physical and elemental damage to Cold Damage
- Counts as a Smack
By concentrating very hard, you're able to exude moose musk from your pores. The smell of the musk will make you more likely to encounter monsters when adventuring.
- Grants effect: Musk of the Moose
(10 Adventures)
(Combat Frequency +5%) - Also removes Smooth Movements and Fresh Scent
Have you ever noticed that when penguins dive into frigid water, they always land exactly where they intend to? No? Well, that's just because you weren't watching carefully enough. But now you'll be able to, because of the extra precision afforded to you by your newfound similarity to penguins.
+1% chance of Critical Hit per gallon of Fury
This skill allows you to smash certain pieces of equipment into their magical essences with a tenderizing hammer.
- Can smash enchanted equipment into powders, nuggets, and wads
- Grants access to The Malus of Forethought for Muscle classes
Like a puffin, you are capable of feats of staggeringly little humility.
Grants effect: Pride of the Puffin (10 Adventures)
(Monster Level +10)
Other Skills
This skill makes you all snarly and spooky. Like a timberwolf. Timberwolves, if you didn't know this, are both the snarliest and the spookiest animals north of the arctic circle.
- Grants effect: Snarl of the Timberwolf (10 Adventures)
(+10 Spooky Damage) - Replaces other Facial Expressions
While underwater, you're capable of fashioning any weapon into a makeshift harpoon, and throwing it with deadly accuracy.
- Deals (0-1) + (⌊0.25×Mus⌋, capped at 200) + base weapon damage + (1.5×elemental damage for each element)
- Can be used without being underwater
Everybody puts on a little extra weight during the holidays, but you've figured out how to do it any time of the year!
Grants effect: A Few Extra Pounds (10 Adventures)
(Max HP +(5×lvl, capped at 55))
By focusing your chi, or something, you've learned how to make the palms of your hands as hard as iron. The practical upshot is that you can hold swords by the blade and hit people with the hilt.
- Grants effect: Iron Palms (Intrinsic)
(Swords count as clubs) - Cast again to remove intrinsic
Turtle Tamer Skills
Starting Skills
By reflecting on the nature of the Tortoise, you can gain temporary enlightenment. Your Strengthliness and maximum HP will increase for a period of time.
Grants effect: Patience of the Tortoise (5 Adventures)
(Muscle +1, Max HP +3)
This skill allows you to toss your familiar, if you have one, or something else, if you don't. Just make sure that something else isn't a dwarf -- nobody does that, y'know?
- Deals FamWt+3 damage if FamWt < 7lbs, or (10+⌊sqrt(FamWt-7)⌋) damage otherwise
- MP cost is 1 for non-Turtle Tamers
Guild Skills
Turtle Tamer guild skills are learned from The Brotherhood of the Smackdown.
This skill allows you to follow up a successful attack with a vicious headbutt to your opponent. The damage done by the headbutt is increased if you're wearing any kind of turtle as a helmet.
- Normal attack that deals (10-20% of hat power) extra damage
- Turtle helmets grant bonus damage
- Enhanced by Turtle Blessings:
- Blessing of the War Snapper: Increases damage
- Blessing of She-Who-Was: Increases damage and changes damage type to spooky
- Blessing of the Storm Tortoise: Attacks twice
You sometimes like to spend an Adventure going on vacation in the Spirit World, which fully heals you and also recharges your mental batteries, on account of all the holiday ghoooooooooooooooooooosts. Holiday ghoooooooooooooosts.
- Heals all HP
- Grants effect: Spirit Souvenirs (10 Adventures)
(Max MP +10, MP Regen 8-10)
This skill makes it so your back is thick, like leather. Like a leather back. Like a leatherback. You'll take less damage from enemy attacks.
+⌊lvl÷2⌋ Damage Reduction, minimum 1
You have learned to commune with the War Snapper, the fiercest and most violent of the Great Turtle Spirits. His guidance will increase your martial prowess and make you slightly less comfortable at parties.
- Grants effect: Blessing of the War Snapper (∞)
(Muscle +5, Weapon Damage +5)- After 30 winning fights, upgrades to Grand Blessing of the War Snapper (∞)
(Muscle +10, Weapon Damage +10) - After 100 winning fights, upgrades to Glorious Blessing of the War Snapper (∞)
(Muscle +15, Weapon Damage +15)
- After 30 winning fights, upgrades to Grand Blessing of the War Snapper (∞)
- Replaces other Turtle Blessings
- Non-Turtle Tamers instead get Disdain of the War Snapper (10 Adventures)
(Muscle +5, Weapon Damage +5)
Being sympathetic to the ins and outs of the amphibian lifestyle makes you more sympathetic to the lifestyles of all creatures. Your familiars will be more sympathetic and more powerful as a result of your powerful sympathy.
+5 to Familiar Weight (-5 for Inflatable Dodecapede)
If you can't have a hard, protective surface on your back, you can have the next best thing -- a hard, protective surface where a moustache would be if you had a moustache.
- Grants effect: Stiff Upper Lip (10 Adventures)
(Damage Reduction +10) - Replaces other Facial Expressions
This skill conjures the shell of a ghostly tortoise, which envelops you (or another player) in a protective shield, greatly reducing damage taken in combat.
- Grants effect: Ghostly Shell (X Adventures) (Damage Absorption +80)
- Requires a totem
Gimme pizza. Is what you say, because you like pizza a lot.
Increases Adventure and stat gains from pizza
This skill allows you to make advanced helmets and pants. Advanced pants.
Allows you to make advanced hats, pants, shirts and bucklers at the cost of 1 Adventure
Sometimes discretion is the better part of valor, and this skill allows you to embrace that fact, tame your inner turtle, crouch down, and allow your shell to protect you from your opponent's next attack.
- Blocks the opponent's next attack and deals (10%×Mus) damage
- Enhanced by Turtle Blessings:
- Blessing of the War Snapper: Increases damage
- Blessing of She-Who-Was: Restores HP
- Blessing of the Storm Tortoise: Stuns opponent
- Usable once per fight
This skill makes you (or another player) relentless in combat, like the fierce Snapping Turtles of the Days of Old. It will increase the damage done by each strike.
- Grants effect: Tenacity of the Snapper (X Adventures)
(Weapon Damage +8) - Requires a totem
This skill allows you to unleash the voyeuristic corporeal fury of whichever Turtle Spirits happen to be watching you at the time.
- Deals (10%×Mus) damage
- Enhanced by Turtle Blessings:
- Blessing of the War Snapper: Increases damage
- Blessing of She-Who-Was: Increases damage and changes damage type to spooky
- Blessing of the Storm Tortoise: Deals damage each round
- Usable once per fight
If you can almost hear your opponent thinking "I need you to knee me," this is the perfect skill for you. Nothing takes an opponent down a notch (MAB!) more than a well-placed knee to the naughty bits.
- Normal attack that deals (10-20% of pants power) extra damage
- Adds a +(2×lvl) to-hit bonus, capped at 20
- Enhanced by Turtle Blessings:
- Blessing of the War Snapper: Increases damage and reduces monster defense
- Blessing of She-Who-Was: Changes damage type to spooky and reduces monster attack
- Blessing of the Storm Tortoise: Unknown
You have learned to commune with She-Who-Was, the Great Turtle Spirit who lived, loved and died long before the Spirit World even flared into existence. She will soothe and comfort you like only the ghost of ghost can.
- Grants effect: Blessing of She-Who-Was (∞)
(Mysticality +5, +5 Spooky Damage)- After 30 winning fights, upgrades to Grand Blessing of She-Who-Was (∞)
(Mysticality +10, +10 Spooky Damage) - After 100 winning fights, upgrades to Glorious Blessing of She-Who-Was (∞)
(Mysticality +15, +15 Spooky Damage)
- After 30 winning fights, upgrades to Grand Blessing of She-Who-Was (∞)
- Replaces other Turtle Blessings
- Non-Turtle Tamers instead get Disdain of She-Who-Was (10 Adventures)
(Mysticality +5, +5 Spooky Damage)
This skill makes you (or another person) temporarily gain an uncanny empathy towards your (or their) familiar
- Grants effect: Empathy (X Adventures)
(+5 to Familiar Weight) - Requires a totem
You like powerful butts, and you cannot lie.
Improves the accuracy and damage of your Butt skills
You can conjure up a spiky turtle shell of psychic energy to surround you (or another player) and deal damage to enemies as they attack you (or another player (the same one I mentioned before, not just any other player.))
- Grants effect: Spiky Shell (X Adventures)
(Damages attacking opponents) - Requires a totem
Years of working with turtles has made you more patient with all manner of creatures, and better at teaching them stuff.
+1 familiar experience every 6 combats
By imbuing you with the physical strength of 1000 snakes and lizards, this skill temporarily boosts your maximum HP.
- Grants effect: Reptilian Fortitude (X Adventures)
(Max HP +30) - Requires a totem
We all know that a shield is primarily used to, y'know, shield one from damage. With this skill, though, your shield becomes a powerful weapon as well. Your attacks will do extra damage based on your shield power. Just try and resist the urge to change into a blue leotard with little wings on the cowl.
- Normal attack that deals extra damage based on your shield
- Never misses if you are a Turtle Tamer
- Enhanced by Turtle Blessings:
- Blessing of the War Snapper: Increases damage and has a chance to stagger
- Blessing of She-Who-Was: Changes damage type to spooky and restores HP
- Blessing of the Storm Tortoise: Deals damage each round, stacks with use
- Requires a shield equipped
You have achieved a level of awareness that almost matches that of the Elder Tortoises in the Days of Old. Your maximum MP is dramatically increased.
Max MP +50%
You have learned to commune with the Storm Tortoise, the bringer of the thunder until which no snapper will release its jaws. He will electrify you.
- Grants effect: Blessing of the Storm Tortoise (∞)
(+5% Combat Initiative, Max MP +10)- After 30 winning fights, upgrades to Grand Blessing of the Storm Tortoise (∞)
(+5% Combat Initiative, Max MP +10) - After 100 winning fights, upgrades to Glorious Blessing of the Storm Tortoise (∞)
(+15% Combat Initiative, Max MP +30)
- After 30 winning fights, upgrades to Grand Blessing of the Storm Tortoise (∞)
- Replaces other Turtle Blessings
- Non-Turtle Tamers instead get Disdain of the Storm Tortoise (10 Adventures)
(+5% Combat Initiative, Max MP +10)
This is a vastly improved version of the Ghostly Shell skill. It increases the amount of damage absorbed by your (or another player's) hat and pants in combat. Additionally, it will protect you (to a limited degree) from the elements of heat, cold, stench, spookiness, and sleaziness.
- Grants effect: Astral Shell (X Adventures)
(+80 Damage Absorption, Slight resistance to all elements (+1)) - Requires a totem
Your perception of time has been expanded in both directions by your communion with the Great Turtle Spirits. To you, a calendar is like a flipbook, and also an hour is like maybe an hour and ten minutes or so.
Ever wonder why turtles never run? It's because they're not afraid of anything, man. This skill will make you more like them -- spooky stuff won't spook you as much.
So-So Spooky Resistance (+2)
When the Great Turtle Spirits are in a good mood, they can be called upon to imbue you with a taste of their power. The trick is waiting until they're in a really good mood.
- With a Blessing of the War Snapper, grants effect: Boon of the War Snapper (Melee attacks restore (10% of damage, max 20) HP)
- With a Blessing of She-Who-Was, grants effect: Boon of She-Who-Was (Weapon Damage +20, Melee attacks deal Spooky Damage)
- With a Blessing of the Storm Tortoise, grants effect: Boon of the Storm Tortoise (Melee attacks restore (5% of damage, max 10) MP)
- Effect duration increases with the level of the blessing (5/10/15 Adventures)
- Requires a Turtle Blessing
Your mastery of shields has elevated you to hero-like status amongst your tortoise brethren. Your skills have the beauty and balance of a Renaissance painting. As such, whenever you take damage in combat, your Muscle will be used to reduce the damage you take instead of Moxie, whenever you are wielding a shield.
NOTE: This will only take effect if your Muscle is higher than your Moxie.
If a shield is equipped and Muscle is greater than Moxie, use Muscle instead of Moxie to reduce monster damage
While everybody else freaks out all the time, rushing around from appointment to appointment like rats in an appointment maze, you've learned to relax, be patient, and let good things come to you.
- Grants effect: Patient Smile (10 Adventures)
+1 Muscle Stats Per Fight - Replaces other Facial Expressions
Like hippies, turtles live in their clothes. Unlike hippies, turtles' clothes provide a hard protective shell for their sensitive innards. Well, unlike hippies who are only on day fifteen of a new outfit. You have sufficiently pondered the mystery of the turtle, whose clothes are both home and protection, to understand how to imbue your clothing with the same properties. As such, any hat or pants you equip will be doubled in power. Now go take a shower, hippy.
You have become so attuned to the Great Turtle Spirits that when the time is right, you are capable of taking on the form of their earthly incarnation. But be careful -- with great turtle power comes great turtle responsibility.
- Restores 1000 HP/MP and replaces your glorious Turtle Blessing with an effect for 10 Adventures:
- With a Glorious Blessing of the War Snapper, grants effect: Avatar of the War Snapper
- With a Glorious Blessing of She-Who-Was, grants effect: Avatar of She-Who-Was
- With a Glorious Blessing of the Storm Tortoise, grants effect: Avatar of the Storm Tortoise
- Also grants Spirit Pariah (60 Adventures), which prevents casting any other blessings while active
- Requires a glorious Turtle Blessing
Other Skills
This skill allows you to summon the spirit of a deceased snapping turtle.
Deals (10-40)+(20%×Mus) Spooky Damage
You've learned to call upon Leviatuga, the Great Turtle of the Deep. He'll heed your call, and bite your enemies with his ancient, powerful jaws.
- Deals 300-350 damage
- Only works underwater
This skill allows you to conjure up some festive holiday bells to hang around your familiar's neck. Or around something else, if your familiar is something that doesn't have a neck.
- Grants effect: Jingle Jangle Jingle (X Adventures)
(Familiars act 10%p more often in combat) - Requires a totem
This skill allows you to bestow upon yourself (or another player) the homespun wisdom and innate curiosity of an anthropomorphic turtle in a folk tale.
- Grants effect: Curiosity of Br'er Tarrypin (X Adventures)
(+1 Familiar Experience Per Combat) - Requires a totem
Sauceror Skills
Starting Skills
By reflecting on the nature of the Cosmic Sauce, you can become more closely attuned to its mysteriousness. Your Enchantedness and Maximum HP will increase for a period of time.
Grants effect: Saucemastery (5 Adventures)
(Max HP + 3, Mysticality +1)
This spell allows you to conjure up a ball of spicy salsa and sling it at your enemy, doing a small amount of damage.
- 2-3 Hot Damage, hard capped at 8
- MP cost is 1 for non-Saucerors
Guild Skills
Sauceror guild skills are learned from The League of Chef-Magi.
In Sauceror school, you have to learn how to make soup before you learn how to make Sauce. For most people it's just kid stuff, but you learned a pretty cool trick while you were pranking the dean one year -- you can conjure up a big mass of freezing soup and coat a dead buffalo in it! Or, I mean, things that aren't dead buffalo, too, I guess.
- Deals 2-3 Cold Damage every round, plus 2 damage per Cold Resistance, capped at +5 Cold Resist
- Only one Curse can be cast per fight
A watched pot never boils, but it takes surprisingly little effort for you to boil over into a murderous rage. Quite a bit of time, mind you, but not much effort.
Grants effect: Simmering (10 Adventures)
(Spell Damage +100%, MP Regen 8-10)
This spell creates a stream of scorching sauce with which to baste your enemies.
Deals (9-11)+(0.2×Mys) Hot Damage, hard capped at 24
This skill allows you to conjure up a healing salve made of healing sauce, and heal some of your wounds. Healingly.
- Heals 10-15 HP
- Has a chance to be quick-cast
- Can also be used out of combat
You've got mad skills at handling the pan. This skill increases the amount of Meat you get when fighting monsters by 10%. (15% with a saucepan equipped)
+10% Meat from Monsters (+15% with a saucepan in main hand)
Your eyes are piercing, like an icicle falling through a car roof, or somebody whose eyes are actually crossbow bolts.
Actually, did that guy just get shot in both eyes with crossbow bolts? Somebody really ought to take him to the doctor.
- Grants effect: Icy Glare (10 Adventures)
(+10 Cold Damage, +10 Cold Spell Damage) - Replaces other Facial Expressions
This spell conjures a shell of sauce around you (or another player), which will protect you (or another player) from all elemental attacks.
- Grants effect: Elemental Saucesphere (X Adventures)
(So-So Resistance to All Elements (+2)) - Requires a saucepan
Inside you is a ceaseless reservoir of seething sauce. You might not have noticed -- a lot of people mistake it for heartburn.
MP Regen 3-4 (1 for non-Saucerors)
This skill allows you to use scrumptious reagents, in combination with various food items, to cook up a wide variety of sauces and salves.
- When used, conjures 3 reagents once per day (5 with The Way of Sauce)
- Allows you to cook with scrumptious reagents
This spell allows you to conjure up a chaotic storm of roiling sauces, both burning and freezing your hapless foes, who undoubtedly did not bring both a parka and a fireproof umbrella.
One of the fundamental tenets of Saucery is that everything is Sauce. Literally everything, on a basic level, behaves like Sauce. And you've learned that souls are no different. They just... scream a little more when you cook them.
NOTE: Only true Saucerors can control Soulsauce. For everybody else it just goes everywhere and makes a big mess.
- Allows you to gather Soulsauce from defeated foes (Max 100)
- Allows Saucerors to spend Soulsauce on the following skills:
- Soul Bubble (Combat, 5 SS)
- Soul Finger (Combat, 40 SS)
- Soul Blaze (Combat, 100 SS)
- Soul Food (Noncombat, 5 SS)
- Soul Rotation (Noncombat, 25 SS)
- Soul Funk (Noncombat, 50 SS)
This curse causes writhing tendrils of marinara sauce to burst out from within your foes, wiggling around like some sort of crazy tomato octopus. And if some of it is actually blood instead of sauce, well, what are you gonna do?
- Deals ~3% of monster's Attack every round in physical damage (min 2-3) and heals you equal to damage dealt
- If the cursed monster is defeated by a spell from a Sauceror, heals for 30% of damage dealt, capped at 50 HP
- Only one Curse can be cast per fight
This spell will conjure a shell of spicy sauce around you (or another player.) Any monster that passes through the shield will take damage.
- Grants effect: Jalapeño Saucesphere (X Adventures)
(Monsters hitting you take 1-5 damage, Damage Reduction: 3) - Requires a saucepan
This spell will conjure an immense wave of boiling sauce, which will wash over your enemies and cleanse them from the face of the Cosmos. And also ruin their clothes.
Deals (45-50)+(0.3×Mys) Hot Damage, hard capped at 100, and delevels monster defense by 8-10
Anybody who mess with you is going to get cursed so quickly they won't even know they got cursed until after they are already totally cursed.
Sauce Curses cause monsters to stagger when cast
An ancient dimension-traveling Sauceror once discovered a strange realm that she named The Thousand Islands -- a cosmic archipelago of floating land masses, drifting through a blood-dark void. Nobody knows where they came from, and some strange residual effects of whatever cataclysm created them have rendered them impervious to the ministrations of mapmakers.
It's a nice place to visit, but you wouldn't want to go there. Wait, I meant it is not a nice place to visit, which is why being banished to there is really awful, and you would only do it to your worst enemies. Or any of your enemies, really.
This skill makes you spicier, in general, than others. Your Sauce spells will do more damage to opponents.
+(1×lvl) Spell Damage for sauce spells, capped at +10
This spell conjures up a giant spike of frozen sauce and impales your hapless foe with it. Then it melts, making for much easier cleanup.
Deals (45-50)+(0.3×Mys) Cold Damage, hard capped at 150
What did the Gorean slave girl say to her owner when his tales of adventure were not ribald enough? Nothing, because you incinerated both of them with a burst of sauce fueled by your powerful magic and seething hatred of obscure misogynistic nerd subcultures.
Spell Damage +10%
This spell allows you to conjure a sphere of soothing triple-antibiotic sauce around yourself or another Adventurer.
- Grants effect: Antibiotic Saucesphere (X Adventures)
(HP Regen 4-5) - Requires a saucepan
This spell will call forth a tremendous geyser of Sauce from the ground at your enemy's feet. Few foes can withstand the savage combination of beating and drowning that this spell delivers.
You can make a sauce, but did you ever stop to enjoy a sauce? Yes, actually. Yes you did. In fact, you enjoyed it so much that if a normal person ever enjoyed anything a tenth that much, they would explode with pleasure.
+5 Adventures from eating reagent pastas or hi meins for Saucerors and Pastamancers, +3 Adventures for non-Myst classes
You're as saucy as saucy can be. When you drink potions crafted with Scrumptious Reagents, their effects will last 5 Adventures longer for you than they do for normal people.
Reagent potions give 5 extra turns of their effect
This ancient curse coats your opponents in a layer of sauce formulated to drain their strength. This is similar to but distinct from the ancient Canadian curse that coats opponents in sap formulated to sap their strength.
- Delevels monster by ~3% of original Attack value every round
- If the cursed monster is defeated by a spell from a Sauceror, restores MP equal to 30% of damage dealt, capped at 50 MP
- Only one Curse can be cast per fight
Working with pungent sauces has increased your tolerance for bad smells -- stench-based attacks will be less effective against you.
So-So Stench Resistance (+2)
Few smiles are as wry as the smile of a wizard.
- Grants effect: Wry Smile (10 Adventures)
(+1 Mysticality Stats Per Fight) - Replaces other Facial Expressions
Your vim, vigor and energy cannot be contained by forces as weak as the laws of physics or the frailty of the human body.
You can conjure a lens of sauce of delicious precision. Looking through it will make it easier to see where the pointy end of your spells should go.
Grants effect: Sauce Monocle (10 Adventures)
(+15% Critical Spell Chance (+5% for non-Saucerors))
You know everything there is to know about the Saucerorin' business. You are capable of making the finest potions and sauces known to Saucerorkind.
- Allows you to use bottles of scrumdiddlyumptious solution to make high quality sauces and potions
- Using Advanced Saucecrafting conjures two additional reagents per day
You've come to realize that you don't need nearly as much blood as you've got in your body, but you can always use more magical power.
- Grants effect: Blood Sugar Sauce Magic (Intrinsic)
(Max HP -30%, Max MP +30% (Max HP -10%, Max MP +10% for non-Saucerors)) - Cast again to remove intrinsic
Other Skills
This spell coats you (or somebody else) with a writhing coating of sauce. But not any ordinary sauce -- sauce made of the very essence of fear. The overall effect is very spooky.
- Grants effect: Scarysauce (X Adventures)
(So-So Cold Resistance (+2), So-So Sleaze Resistance (+2), Monsters attacking you take 2-10 Spooky Damage) - Requires a saucepan
You've beheld the Deep Sauce. You've heard the songs it sings. You feel what it feels, and you know what it knows. And most importantly, you understand how to cook with it.
Allows you to create potions with globes of Deep Sauce
This spell adds a little bit of holiday flair to your Saucery, allowing you to summon a massive gout of delicious icing.
- Deals (14-18)+(0.2×Mys) physical damage, hard capped at 40
- If you have Sugar Rush, deals 50% bonus damage and reduces its duration by 1 turn
This spell allows you to conjure up a storm of pungent cheese sauce.
Deals (35-40)+(0.3×Mys) Stench Damage, hard capped at 100
Pastamancer Skills
Starting Skills
By meditating on your Manicotti Mandala, you can achieve oneness with the pasta which makes up the underlying structure of reality. Your Magicalness will increase for a period of time.
Grants effect: Pasta Oneness (5 Adventures)
(+2 Mysticality)
This spell conjures a fast-moving dart of spaghetti and slings it at your enemy, dealing a small amount of damage. Uncooked spaghetti, that is. Cooked spaghetti wouldn't do much damage, now, would it?
- Deals 2-3 physical damage, hard capped at 8
- MP cost is 1 for non-Pastamancers
Guild Skills
Pastamancer guild skills are learned from The League of Chef-Magi.
This spell allows you to summon a handful of deadly ravioli shurikens, stuffed with various flavors of pain.
- Deals 2-4 damage in a random element 3 times, hard capped at 10 each
- When tuned to a specific element, only the first hit is tuned
Anybody can use a utensil, but not everybody can use it to bend the laws of physics.
- Deals (weapon damage)+(0.1×Mys) damage
- Requires a utensil to cast
This spell allows you to conjure a wad of sticky noodles, which slow down your opponent and make its attacks less effective.
You think about almost nothing but pasta, but sometimes you like to take some time to think about it on a deeper level. This skill allows you to spend an entire Adventure doing that, resulting in a significant increase in your magical potential.
Grants effect: Al Dente Inferno (10 Adventures)
(Max MP +20, MP Regen 18-20)
This spell summons some enchanted lasagna noodles, which can be used as bandages, healing some of your HP.
Heals 10-30 HP out of combat, or 10-20 HP in combat.
This skill allows you to bind the spirit of a vampire into a pieroghi and bend it to your will, as long as your will is more or less "bite stuff for me," since that's basically all vampieroghis are good at.
- Summons a Vampieroghi thrall:
- Attacks opponent and heals you each combat round
- At level 5, removes a random negative effect after each fight
- At level 10, passively grants Max HP +60
- Non-Pastamancers instead get Bloody Potato Bits (10 Adventures)
(HP Regen 3-5)
This spell allows you to summon and then fire a cannon made of cannelloni and stuffed with all manner of deadly substances.
Deals (16-32)+(25%×Mys) damage of a random element, hard capped at 50
When it comes to magic, presenting an intimidating facade is almost as important as actually knowing how to tear people apart with your mind.
- Grants effect: Arched Eyebrow of the Archmage (10 Adventures)
(Spell Damage +10) - Replaces other Facial Expressions
This skill allows you to summon forth noodles from thin air, and to cook delicious food by combining them with sauces.
- When used, conjures 3 bunches of dry noodles once per day (5 with Transcendental Noodlecraft)
- Allows you to cook with dry noodles
All of the rats slain by all of the Adventurers in all of the history of tavern basements left vengeful spirits behind, and this skill allows you to befriend one of them and use it as your own personal servant. I'm sure it'll be thrilled.
- Summons a Vermincelli thrall:
- Non-Pastamancers instead get Slinking Noodle Glob (10 Adventures)
(Max MP +15)
This skill infuses your body with the springy spirit of spiral pasta, putting a spring in your step and making you more nimble in combat.
Grants effect: Springy Fusilli (10 Adventures)
(Combat Initiative +40%)
Taking cover behind one of your pasta thralls allows you to cast your spells more carefully, and get more out of them.
Doubles the damage cap of Pastamancer combat spells (except Spaghetti Spear and Candyblast) if you have a pasta thrall active
This skill will give you the ability to equip Chefstaves -- powerful one-handed staves that act as conduits for advanced Chef-Magery.
Allows you to equip chefstaves
The wisps of the underworld are notoriously fickle with their allegiances, but you've learned how to trick... er... convince one of them to help you. At least for now.
- Summons an Angel Hair Wisp thrall:
- Passively grants Combat Initiative +(5×thrall level)%
- At level 5, blocks enemy critical hits
- AT level 10, blocks enemy attacks
- Non-Pastamancers instead get Whispering Strands (10 Adventures)
(Combat Initiative +10%)
This spell summons a massive mortar shell made of pasta and stuffed with various flavors of arcane shrapnel. This bomb bursting in air will give proof through the night that your foe has suffered some serious trauma.
- Deals (32-64)+(0.5×Mys) damage of a random element on the next round after cast
- Usable once per fight
Despite what you may think, pasta isn't all about destruction. Sometimes, like in the case of this spell, it's about defense. And you've heard that the best defense is a good defense.
- Grants effect: Shield of the Pastalord (10 Adventures)
(Reduces physical damage taken by 30%) - Non-Pastamancers instead get Flimsy Shield of the Pastalord (10 Adventures)
(Reduces physical damage taken by 10%)
This skill infuses your body with the essence of ravioli, making it much sturdier. It will increase your maximum HP by 25%.
Max HP +25%
Remember those macaroni guys you fought, way back in the day, when you first started adventuring? Well, how'd you like to have one of those guys of your very own. Sound good? Well, good thing you know this skill, then!
- Summons an Elbow Macaroni thrall:
- Passively equalizes your base Muscle to base Mysticality
- At level 5, passively grants +(2×thrall level) Weapon Damage
- AT level 10, passively grants +10% Critical Hit Chance
- Non-Pastamancers instead get Macaroni Coating (10 Adventures)
(Muscle +10)
This spell will summon forth one of the myriad randomly-generated weapons of the Pastalord, the sworn protector of the order of Pastamancers in the Days of Old. That weapon will then beat your opponent about the head or head-analogue.
- Deals (32-64)+(0.5×Mys) physical damage of a random element
- When tuned to a specific element, only half of the damage (rounded down) is tuned; the rest is physical damage
You've learned to work in perfect concert with your pasta thralls -- letting them take the brunt of every attack, ordering them into dangerous situations in your stead, generally insulting and demeaning them. But good news -- now you can give something back, by constantly draining a portion of their life force and using it to make your spells cheaper!
Halves the base MP cost of Pastamancer combat spells when you have an active pasta thrall
This spell allows you to call forth an enchanted leash made out of noodles, which is placed around the neck of your familiar. This effectively raises your familiar's level by 5, but the noodles will deteriorate after 10 turns have passed.
Grants effect: Leash of Linguini (10 Adventures)
(+5 to Familiar Weight)
You have learned to bind a hard-boiled skeleton detective to your service. It'll come in handy if on some stormy night a dame walks into your office with legs all the way down.
- Summons a Penne Dreadful thrall:
- Passively equalizes your base Moxie to base Mysticality
- At level 5, delevels enemies by (1×thrall level) at start of fight
- AT level 10, passively grants +10 Damage Reduction
- Non-Pastamancers instead get Penne Fedora (10 Adventures)
(Moxie +10)
This spell summons forth a huge Cannelloni, which envelops you and heals your wounds.
Heals 1000 HP
People better not meddle in your affairs, because you will cook them into a freakin' lasagna if they do.
Spell Damage +10%
They say that if you can't stand the heat, you should get out of the kitchen. Well, with this skill, you'll be able to stand the heat. Any heat.
So-So Hot Resistance (+2)
- Summons a Lasagmbie thrall:
- Passively grants +(20+2×thrall level)% Meat from Monsters
- At level 5, deals Spooky Damage to enemies
- AT level 10, passively grants +10 Spooky Spell Damage
- Non-Pastamancers instead get Pasta Eyeball (10 Adventures)
(+10% Meat from Monsters)
This spell will allow you to bring your mystical being in line with the elemental forces that underlie all things: earth, wind, fire, water, and heart. Wait, I mean hot, cold, sleaze, stench, and spookiness. And what's the deal with 'heart' anyway? How does that make any sense at all?
- Unlocks 6 skills that enable an intrinsic effect:
- Spirit of Cayenne: Tunes Pastamancer spells to Hot Damage, Spell Damage +10
- Spirit of Peppermint: Tunes Pastamancer spells to Cold Damage, Spell Damage +10
- Spirit of Garlic: Tunes Pastamancer spells to Stench Damage, Spell Damage +10
- Spirit of Wormwood: Tunes Pastamancer spells to Spooky Damage, Spell Damage +10
- Spirit of Bacon Grease: Tunes Pastamancer spells to Sleaze Damage, Spell Damage +10
- Spirit of Nothing: Removes the current Flavour of Magic intrinsic effect
- Casting a different Flavour of Magic skill will remove the current intrinsic effect
After "gray hair" and "a beard," the most common answer on The $20,000 Pyramid when the category is "Things a Wizard Has" is "squinty eyes." The fourth one, strangely, is "one of my lungs."
- Grants effect: Wizard Squint (10 Adventures)
(+10% Critical Spell Chance) - Replaces other Facial Expressions
You have achieved the highest possible level of Pastamancy -- you are now capable of making meals that rival the Platonic ideal of the dish of noodles.
- Lets you cook more advanced noodle dishes
- Using Pastamastery conjures two additional bunches of dry noodles per day
This skill allows you to enthrall a spice ghost, an ethereal being who, being made of a diffuse cloud of floating spice particles, can help you get into those hard-to-reach places where your enemies tend to keep their stuff.
- Summons a Spice Ghost thrall:
- Passively grants +(10+thrall level)% Item Drops from Monsters
- At level 5, drops spices during combat (up to 10 per day)
- AT level 10, increases the duration of Entangling Noodles by 1 turn
- Non-Pastamancers instead get Spice Haze (10 Adventures)
(+5% Item Drops from Monsters)
Other Skills
This spell summons a mass of fettucini noodles made not of semolina, or of farina, but of pure, uncut terror.
Deals (32-64)+(0.5×Mys) Spooky Damage
You've learned the secrets of deep-sea thermal vents, and the ways in which they relate to the secrets of battermaking, which you already knew.
Lets you create tempura dishes from bubbling tempura batters
The ability to summon pasta from thin air is pretty sweet, but this lets you conjure something even sweeter -- a massive barrage of candy.
- Deals (8-16)+(0.25×Mys) physical damage, hard capped at 50
- May drop a candy 33% of the time
- Is unaffected by Bringing Up the Rear and Flavour of Magic
This spell allows you to conjure up a venomous serpent made of wriggling noodles.
- Deals (16-32)+(0.25×Mys) physical damage, hard capped at 75
- Deals additional poison damage on subsequent rounds
Disco Bandit Skills
Starting Skills
something...
something...
Guild Skills
Disco Bandit guild skills are learned from The Department of Shadowy Arts and Crafts.
something...
Guild (Lv.1)
125 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.1)
125 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.2)
250 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.2)
250 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.3)
500 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.3)
500 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.4)
750 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.4)
750 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.5)
1,250 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.5)
1,250 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.6)
1,750 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.6)
1,750 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.7)
2,500 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.7)
2,500 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.8)
3,250 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.8)
3,250 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.9)
4,000 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.9)
4,000 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.10)
5,000 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.10)
5,000 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.11)
6,250 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.11)
6,250 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.12)
7,500 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.12)
7,500 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.13)
10,000 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.13)
10,000 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.14)
12,500 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.14)
12,500 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.15)
15,000 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.15)
15,000 Meat
Other Skills
something...
something...
something...
Accordion Thief Skills
Starting Skills
something...
something...
Guild Skills
Accordion Thief guild skills are learned from The Department of Shadowy Arts and Crafts.
something...
Guild (Lv.1)
125 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.1)
125 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.2)
250 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.2)
250 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.3)
500 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.3)
500 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.4)
750 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.4)
750 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.5)
1,250 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.5)
1,250 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.6)
1,750 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.6)
1,750 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.7)
2,500 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.7)
2,500 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.8)
3,250 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.8)
3,250 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.9)
4,000 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.9)
4,000 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.10)
5,000 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.10)
5,000 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.11)
6,250 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.11)
6,250 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.12)
7,500 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.12)
7,500 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.13)
10,000 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.13)
10,000 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.14)
12,500 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.14)
12,500 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.15)
15,000 Meat
something...
Guild (Lv.15)
15,000 Meat
Other Skills
something...
something...
something...
