Vampire bat

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Vampire bat
Monster ID 350
Locations Guano Junction
Hit Points 10
Attack 17
Defense 14
No-Hit 27
Initiative 60
Meat 32-48
Phylum beast
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts head, wing, torso
batgut, bat wing, sonar-in-a-biscuit
Quest vampire heart
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
vampire bat You're fighting a vampire bat

Once upon a time, an adventurer was attacked by a vampire bird.

He was sucked to death.

The vampire bird killed him at last.

Hit Message(s):

The vampire bat says, "Say 'Rock!'," then headbutts you! Ooh! Ouch!

It takes you on a war hell ride. The seats are uncomfortable and the guy next to you smells funny. Ouch! Ouch! (stench damage)

After it sucks blood out of you, it starts stabbing you in your ass. Ow! Oof!

It drops you into a lake of fire. It burns you to the crisp. Argh! Ugh! (hot damage)

Critical Hit Message:

After the vampire bat sucks blood out of you, it starts stabbing you in your ass. Then three more vampire bats start stabbing you in your ass, too. They suck the blood out of you, nearly killing you. Ow! Oof!

Miss Message(s):

The vampire bat tries to headbutt you, but you tap the bruise on its forehead with a rock and it skitters to the ground.

It tries to take you on a war hell ride, but it turns into a harmony joy ride after some split-second keyboarding.

It tries to suck blood out of you, but you remind it that it's not a vampire bird.

It tries to cast you to the lake of burning flame, but your asbestos undies keep you cool. *cough*

Fumble Message:

The vampire bat tries to hit you with a can of Folgers, but you point out that it's good to the last drop, and it drops the can. (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Meat.gifYou gain 32-48 Meat (average: 40, stdev: 3.65)*
Batgut.gifYou acquire an item: batgut (15% chance)*
Batwing.gifYou acquire an item: bat wing (15% chance)*
Biscuit.gifYou acquire an item: sonar-in-a-biscuit (10% chance)*
Heartrock.gifYou acquire an item: vampire heart (100% chance)*
You gain 4.25 <substat>.

Occurs at Guano Junction.


  • This enemy is an homage to the Wesley Willis song Vampire Bat. The description text and many of the combat messages are quotes from that song, including the Maxwell House slogan (misquoted as being for Folgers) at the end of the song.
  • "Harmony joy ride" was how Willis referred to his music-making in general; "war hell ride" was his name for psychotic episodes he suffered due to his schizophrenia, mainly on the CTA bus lines in Chicago.
  • " tap the bruise on its forehead with a rock..." refers to the bruise Willis developed on his forehead from a habit of headbutting with his fans. (When approached by a fan, Willis would grab his head and tell him to "Say 'rock'!" When the fan said "rock", Willis would then headbutt him. Then, "Say 'roll'!", another headbutt. Repeat until the fan stops saying "rock" and "roll" when prompted.)
  • The cough at the end of one of the miss messages is a reference to the lung disease mesothelioma, which is contracted through exposure to asbestos.